Yesterday, I updated that section with 10 shots from the U2 concert last month, creating a second photo album.

I love that I added that section to this site when I did the redesign. It really allows me to put pictures on here that I probably otherwise would never post.

My original idea for a costume last night was to be a Transformer, one of my favorite cartoons, toys, and comic books from the 80s. The idea proved to be too complex so I stuck with the Frodo costume from a few years back. While I was chatting with some friends online the other night, I did the transformer doodle that you see in this post. It somehow some seems fitting in this Halloween inspired post, with the idea of "Robots in Disguise" creeping about in my head.

I've been checking out a website that linked me called The Drawing Club which inspired me to do some simple drawings again, even if they are simple doodles while my mind is elsewhere. I have to keep drawing, no matter what.

On an unrelated note, download my podcast from 10/21/05 if you haven't done so yet. I'm quite proud of it.

Anyway...that's all for now. Enjoy your Halloween.

Sunday's Playlist: Coldplay - X & Y

G

|

1. If you check out my homepage, you'll notice a photo I shot last year at this time. This photo is more than just a Halloween inspired pict. It was taken last year at my friends Jamie and Stephanie's house for an annual pumpkin carving party that they host. They had the party again last night. The guest list is composed of coworkers who've all been doing this since at least 1997 or 1998. None of us can remember if last night was the sixth or seventh time being part of the festivities. The only time we've missed the party was six years ago when Stephanie had Lauren only a few weeks prior. Each year, we seem to add a new friend or two to the mix. It's always amazing watching the kids grow through all of these years. Brendan, who was only two or three weeks old during (what we think was) the first year doing it, is now in first grade, playing soccer and football. Brendan's mom, Lisa, explained to her and John's other child, Ariana, what a tradition was and why they are so important to us. I feel so fortunate to be part of that tradition.

2. Tomorrow night, my friends Kim and Nate are throwing a Halloween party. After much frustration with coming up with a costume, I decided to stop trying to one-up myself. Nobody at the party tomorrow night saw my costume from a few years ago; it's a completley different group of people. I decided to re-use my Frodo costume, albeit, making a few upgrades. I love dressing up as that hobbit! My costume includes my sword, Sting, my one ring of all-consuming power, a shiny elven broach, pointy ear tips, hairy feet, possibly a walking stick (they did a lot of walking), and if I get time, some magical elven lapmis bread. Within the next few days, I should have some pix posted in my snap shots section, which will be getting another new album. Once I get over the hump of finding a costume, I LOVE Halloween. Tomorrow night should be a blast.

3. One day this week, I was contacted via email by a Michael Nobbs. He found my site via Andrea Schear's Superhero Journal, and asked me if I would mind if he used one of my drawings for blog that he partakes in called The Drawing Club. It looks like The Drawing Club is a blog about drawing designed by contributing multiple artists. If you scroll down to the G-Man Ink post, you will see an image a drew a few years ago which was a take off of "An American Gothic." Thanks for the shout-out, Mike! I hope to do more with this club.

4. Tonight I picked up The Wizard of Oz DVD. My nephews watched it a few weeks ago and were mesmerized by it the entire time, absolutely loving it. They don't want to watch it again, though, 'cuz they were both having bad dreams about "lady with the green face." The Wicked Witch of the West may be the #1 villian of all time. I'm blown away that this 66-year old movie, that my sister and I loved as kids (and were also both scared of the Wicked Witch), has been passed down to the next generation. It goes to show that some movies are timeless, regardless of how old they are. I also realized that now, whenever somebody dresses up like a witch for Halloween, they are actually dressing up as that witch. "I'll get you my pretty" still sends shivers down my back.

5. I'm beginning to get geeked out for the Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith DVD release next week. My friend Brandon sent me this wmv file which I guess is an Easter Egg on the disc. Star Wars fans, did you ever know Yoda could bust a move like that? (Right-click on the file to download it, Mac friends, option-click.)

6. We all know Tom Cruise is going crazy. We all know Scientology is actually the path to the dark side. I found this wmv file this summer, of Tom Cruise "killing" Oprah. This is more geekdom for the Star Wars fan. Both wmv files will find a permanent home in my media section.

That's all for tonight. Nothing too deep or serious, just a few things I've been meaning to get to all week. For now, I want to pose these questions to you all: What were your favorite movies and songs back in the day? What are they now? I have a post formulating in my head that I want to flesh out. For now, enjoy this Halloween weekend and try to resist the dark side. Save Katie!

G

|

P.S. Be sure to check out my media page to download my latest podcast which I did last Friday night. I'm pretty pumped with how it turned out, and hope to do more in the future...maybe one a week or something like that.

Paul pulled out a lot of tricks from his mixed bag. He has an almost 50 year old catalog to chose from, and was all over the road, doing many radio hits, popular songs, and obscure tracks keeping me on my toes the entire night. There are many highlights of the show for me, but the two that really stand out are "Helter Skelter" and "I've Got a Feeling," both songs I never expected to hear. Both songs really rocked.

I was amazed at how many rarities he pulled out. "Fixing a Hole," "Till There Was You," "I'll Follow the Sun," "Too Many People," "I'll Get You," "For No One," were just a few. Paul has an incredible body of work. From the Fab Four, Wings, his solo stuff, and the new material, he was somehow able to tap into the perfect mixture. For as many rarities that he played, I was happily surprised at how much he played from Let It Be and the White Album, probably my two favorite Beatles albums.

I think I'll end it with that tonight. I haven't even begun to talk about the stage show or my actual experience in Milwaukee. But my mind is fried. That concert kicked my ass and now my sleep schedule is all jacked up. I'm still playing catch up at work from my trip to Chicago last week and my day off yesterday; things are crazy and I'm beat.

Be sure to check out my media page to download my latest podcast. I did it on Friday night in the excitement of the upcoming concert but also with the knowledge that Mac would be my last concert in a busy concert year. I've been messing around with a new mic and some new recording techniques. I feel like technically, this is my best podcast to date.

I'll end this with the concert set list and then my playlist for today. More later. Good day, sunshine....

Paul McCartney, US Tour 2005
Milwaukee Bradley Center, 10/23/05

Magical Mystery Tour
Flaming Fie
Jet
I'll Get You
Drive My Car
Till There Was You
Let Me Roll It (Foxy Lady Jam)
Got to Get You into My Life
Fine Line
Maybe I'm Amazed
Long and Winding Road
In Spite of All the Danger
I Will
Jenny Wren
For No One
Fixing a Hole
English Tea
I'll Follow the Sun
Follow Me
Blackbird
Elenor Rigby
Too Many People
She Came In Through the Bathroom Window
Good Day Sunshine
Band on the Run
Penny Lane
I've Got a Feeling
Back in the USSR
Hey Jude
Live and Let Die

Yesterday
Get Back
Helter Skelter

Please Please Me
Let It Be
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)
The End

Tuesday's Playlist

1. Cinecast #47 - Almost Great American Road Trip

2. Paul McCartney - Chaos & Creation

3. The Beatles - The White Album

4. Cinecast #48 - A Fistful of Soundtracks

G

|

Friday's Playlist

1. Damien Rice - O (++)

2. Bono: The Rolling Stone Interview

G

|

I had to get up early today (-). My morning started out with finding a new Madonna single on iTunes (+). I had lunch at McDonalds with my friend John (+) and got to spend at least a few minutes outside on this beautiful fall day (+).

I left work a little early today (+) for a root canal (--), fighting traffic the entire way there and almost being late (-). After the dentist appointment I had to run to the pharmacy (-) to get some penicillin for the infection that was in the tooth (-). Four doses a day until all of the prescription is gone (-).

Once I got home, I realized that I needed to go to the laundromat (-) to get some clothes washed for my work trip to Chicago for the next couple of days (+). I still need to pack some time before I hit the sack (-).

There was a weird guy at the laundromat (-) so I cranked up my new iTunes purchase, O by Damien Rice (++) on my iPod (+). I got home and messed around on iTunes some more spending even more money (-) on some cool new music (+): a new single by the Eurythmics (+) and a good charity rendition of "Tears In Heaven (+)." The free single of the week was some p.o.s. hip-hop song (-). Damn you, iTunes for making buying music online fun and easy (-++).

As I was scurrying about the kitchen putting some stuff away, I noticed the bright moon (full moon?) shining from behind the church across the street (+). I HAD to have a picture of this moonlight. In fact, these shots made the crap of going to the dentist, pharmacy, and laundromat all worth it (++++).

I hope your day adds up.

Tuesday's Playlist

1. Cinecast #44 - Claydreamer (+)

2. Madonna - Erotica

3. Herbie Hancock - Possibilities (+)

4. Damien Rice - O (++)

5. Ebert & Roeper - Reviews for the Weekend of October 15 - 16. 2005 (-+)

Okay, now its time to upload this thing and watch Nip (-)/Tuck (+).

G

|

My dream wasn't some fun, cool, space-aged adventure full of special effects, action, epic battles, and bad acting. It was quite the opposite. It was a down-right nightmare, the kind that had me bothered for awhile this morning until I was able to shake it off.

I wasn't some cool jedi or sith lord of unwielding power. I was just some average Joe living in that universe, some odd combination of the extreme future, the immediate present, and the far off deserted past. I don't exactly remember where I lived, but it seemed ordinary enough. Then I remember being exiled from there and sent off to the dessert, to Tatooine. I jarringly woke up to the feeling of a blaster pressed up against the middle of my back.

"We're asking you to politely move along, here. If you don't do so quietly, we'll have to do it with force," said the faceless Storm Trooper, with his cloned voice transformed through some speaker in his helmet.

There were no jedi mind tricks there to save me. I woke up with a deep feeling of dread and sadness as I remembered my people all being escorted out of their homes and into the dessert, all part of some imperial take over.

I sat up, so completely out of it, confused as to what was reality and what was a dream. I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth as it took a few minutes to snap out of it, realizing that I'd been just having some wild-ass dream.

But, man, did it feel real. I swear somebody had a gun pressed up against my back, threatening me and my family.

For as obsessed as I am with Star Wars, it's never entered my dream life before. Hell, I can't tell you the last dream I had. I don't know. Maybe it's been the underlying excitement for Episode III coming out in a few weeks on DVD. Maybe its because of the Star Wars toy shopping spree it feels like I've been on over the past few weeks.

Or maybe it was the black licorice martini I had late last night at Deja Vu. Or possibly the lemon drop martini I had before that.

Or maybe the dirty snowball drink I had at Cleo's before that.

Nah...couldn't be.

The force is strong in these drinks....

Sunday's Playlist: Damien Rice - O

G

|

It was definitely interesting, though, seeing Natalie Portman in the role of a stripper. I'm not sure if I like her pink wig better or the blonde. She was almost recognizable as a blonde. But man, she looked good. (Of course, that would answer these questions: Where is Padme? Is she safe? Is she alright?) Aw yeah. Gigady, gigady, gigady!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, just more documenting my thoughts on the movie than anything. Anybody see it? Care to comment? Hello, is this thing on?

Friday's Playlist: Willie Nelson- Spirit

By the way, from my playlist you can see I'm listening to some Willie Nelson. Ever hear a song or album that is so beautiful in its simplicity and raw emotion, that it just makes you almost want to weep? What a wonderful album. I'd say its in my top 10. Anyway...

G

|

At home, though, it's a complete different story. Last week I mentioned that I had a great idea for a Halloween costume. I think I'm nixing that idea. It's going to be way too much work, too expensive, messy to make, and impossible to navigate in. It would be impossible to even drive in. So now I'm back to the drawing board. Again. For some reason where this costume is concerned, I'm at a creative slump. Every Halloween, it's getting more difficult for me to be inspired. That intuition isn't kicking in. Perhaps I'm thinking too hard about it, a luxury I simply don't have time for at my job.

I've had so many great ideas in the past. I should just reuse a few of those ideas. None of the people at any of the parties I'm going to this year have seen those costumes. But for some reason, I've set up this set of rules for myself. I've built up my own expectations for what should do.

I mean, for Pete's sake, it's only a Halloween costume. I should just go with my first thought instead of trying to top myself every year or be the coolest costume at the party. Who am I trying to prove something to? Of course now, time is ticking away, only making me more frustrated.

So tonight, my head cruises the Google image search for "Halloween costumes" once again. I look on my DVD and toy shelves for inspiration. I have to remind myself, that at times, it's okay to not be so focused or perfect where something creative is concerned. It's okay to be not have the best ideas in the world. I can't be that guy all day long (or 24/7 as we say at work). Maybe my ideas will come to me in a dream, a doodle, or a TV commercial. Who knows.

Damn, this post came to me quickly...

Wednesday's Playlist:

1. Ebert & Roeper - Reviews for the Weekend of October 8 - 9. 2005

2. Allison Kraus & Union Station - Lonely Runs Both Ways

3. U2 - Live on Late Night with Conan O'Brian

4. Clear Blue Betty - Never Been A Rebel

G

|

Although there are some cool new features to both product lines, it's nothing revolutionary like the Nano. But none-the-less, the new iPods have a bigger screen and also come in black. It's a sexy looking gadget. The new iMacs are $100 cheaper than what I paid in May, have the built in webcam, and also have a remote so you can treat your iMac like a TV or DVD player. The additions are really nice. And to think, I was actually running the newest iMac there for a few months this summer. At least I didn't just get my iPod like a few of my co-workers. Oh well; you can't wait for technology. No 100 GB iPod yet, either, so I'm still not in the market for a replacement.

One of the coolest things for me about this launch is the addition of videos. Now via iTunes, you can order every episode of Lost for $1.99 each. I'm not sure if I can see myself watching a TV show on something as small as my iPod, but I'm intrigued by the possibilities this opens up. For some reason, I like the idea of pay-per-view TV - not having to deal with commercials, reruns, or my shitty VCR, but yet being able to buy the episodes a year before they show up on DVD. I also like the idea of video podcasts; that really could be cool. Instead of downloading mini-radio shows, they'd be mini-TV programs. I like the potential there is for creativity and a slighty new way to spread ideas. Very The Jetsons.

Of course, think of the doors this opens up for porn too.

I can't really see myself buying too many music videos. I mean, doesn't MTV and VH1 still play them in the wee hours of the night/morning, if we even give a damn anymore? But for certain videos, I can see myself dropping down the eight quarters without even thinking twice. Back in the day, I would have done it for Madonna's "Justify My Love" or even Christina's "Dirrty." After I downloaded iTunes 6.0, I bought the U2 video "Original of the Species." Oddly enough, I quoted that song in last night's post. They are also using the video in this cool new iPod add. I love it!

The awesome thing about the video clip for "Original of the Species" is that it was recording in Chicago on May 10, when I saw the first of my two Vertigo concerts this year. That's been one of my favorite tracks from the album. I check U2.com almost every day to see their playlists from their shows. They've only played "OOTS" two or three times the entire year. When I saw them back in May, that was one of four or five sold out Chicago shows. That was the only night they played that song. Next month, the DVD "U2 Vertigo Live From Chicago" comes out. Talk about your keepsakes. Every time I watch that video tonight, I think, WOW, I was there!

I noticed that they played that song on Conan the Barbarian the other night. I wonder if that's a subtle form of cross-promotion... Could it be the next single? Who know? I may not have the newest G5 iMac anymore, my iPod is an "old" four-button touch-wheel, with a black and white sreen that doesn't play videos or display art work, but I was at that concert! That little video really made my day.

This website is turning into a U2 and Apple shrine.

Think different.

You are the first one of your kind

Wednesday's Playlist:

1. G-Man - Beta

2. U2 - Live on Late NIght with Conan O'Brian

G

|

I didn't even have them for an hour, but they treated the break with their uncle like a tremendous ordeal. I love how kids can turn something that I take for granted like picking out pumpkins in a friend's field into something really special. The look on their eyes when I asked them to lift the jumbo pumpkins into the car was priceless. Suggesting that I put the smaller pumpkins in their car seats and leave them out in the patch until next Halloween was greeted with smiles and giggles.

I'm always amazed at the little conversations I can now have with these kids. Out of the blue, the youngest one told me that sometimes, when he goes over to Papa and Grandma's (my parents), that he just gets into trouble. When asked why, he exclaimed, "I don't know!" That was followed by even more giggles and bigger smiles. Those kids are something else, never failing to amaze me.

Baby slow down
The end is not as fun as the start
Please stay a child somewhere in your heart

I’ll give you everything you want
Except the thing that you want
You are the first one of your kind

And you feel like no one before
You steal right under my door
And I kneel ‘cuz I want you some more
I want the lot of what you got
And I want nothing that you’re not

Everywhere you go you shout it
You don’t have to be shy about it

from Original of the Species by U2

The above quote is, of course, dedicated to my nephews, but also to my friend Brandon's daughter Clara, who I always think of when I hear that songs. Tonight it's also dedicated to Andrea whose wonderful blog I've known of for quite some time. Andrea's photography is always amazing, but the last post entitled "emerging" was wonderfully thought-provoking. After placing the above lyrics, I couldn't help but go back to her post that I read earlier tonight.

Tuesday's Playlist:

1. U2 - Live on Late NIght with Conan O'Brian

2. Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine

G

|

#1. On Thursday night, Conan O'Brian devoted his entire show to U2. It was awesome. They performed "All Because Of You," "Original of the Species," an acoustic version of "Stuck In A Moment," and ended it with "Vertigo." It was great. He interviewed the band and then talked to Bono separately about the work he's been doing for world hunger and debt relief. At one point in the show, the Edge even took part in a skit called "In The Year 2000." Funny as hell. I'll be quoting that one for a long time!

So speaking of the Late Night With Conan O'Brian, it's time for some MAJOR kudos. By the weekend, my friend Mark made me a DVD of the entire Late Night performance and scored me the mp3s of it today of all the songs plus "The Year 2000" bit. Napoelon's brother Kip was right in that song he sang at his wedding: technology kicks ass. Mark, you rock.

As I was up way too late on Thursday night watching Conan, I thought to myself how cool it was that I had just seen that band few days prior. Now here they are hijacking late night TV live from New York. The world is a truly small place.

#2. Tomorrow Apple has another big announcement planned. The rumors are that it will be a video iPod. I wonder what it will look like and what it will be called? Initially, the idea didn't thrill me too much. But if I follow it through, it can only be a good thing. When I think about the iPod Photo and how they eventually became the standard with colored screens and bigger hard drives, it can only work the same way with the video iPod, if the rumors are true. It will probably mean a bigger display and a bigger hard drive for sure. I'm waiting for the 100G to someday come out before I make the next plunge. How many iPods does this guy need? "Oh, I love technology...always and forever..."

The other talk is that eventually the PowerBooks will be converted to the new Intel chips. I wonder when that will happen? I was going to get myself an iBook for X-Mas, but am thinking of waiting until they up the PowerBook line in January and watch the features trickle down to the iBook line. I can wait a few more months.

#3. Today started out a really foggy and gloomy day. By the time I drove home from work, it was another glorious fall afternoon, inspiring the graphic on my homepage. Taking the "Don't let it get away" cue from another one of my favorite U2 songs, I went for a nice walk after supper and grabbed a photo at the bottom of the bridge (going over the Fox River) that you see in this post. It's amazing how quickly it gets dark out these days. "The river's goal is the ocean..."

#4. Anybody watching Nip/Tuck these days? Wow. I don't even know where to begin with that show. If there's a taboo subject, they'll try to exploit explore it. The raunchier it gets, the more I need to watch it! It's my guilty pleasure of the month and I have no regrets!!

#5. Special thanks today to Riri for giving me kudos on her site Friday night. My site inspired a cool blog post called "Six Degrees of Blogoration." I've always enjoyed Riri's writing, but never realized she was such a phenomenal photographer as well. Check out her stuff! And thanks again for the shout-out...

I think that's all. I've rambled on enough tonight. Enjoy this beautiful fall weather, people, don't let is slip away.

Monday's Playlist: Tracy Chapman- Telling Stories

G

|

I'm a man
I'm not a child
I'm a man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

from Kite by U2

Read into this whatever you'd like. :)

Friday's Playlist:

1. U2 9/25/05 Bradley Center, Milwaukee, 8:55 PM

2. U2 - Elevation Live From Boston

3. U2 - Go Home Live from Slane Castle Ireland

G

|

I've been banging my head on this season's costume for awhile and just haven't been able to commit to any one idea. Nothing's really jumped out at me.

My initial idea was to go as an iPod commercial. I'd wear all black, paint all of my skin black, color my hair black, etc. I'd become a silhouette, then wear my stark white iPod, and dance around in front of a brightly colored background. Logistically, though, I didn't want to be covered with black paint. It would suck getting the iPod or my glasses full of it, not to mention washing that shit out of my ears.

Actually, that would be a perfect costume for my cat Anakin. All he'd need are the white headphones, assuming he wouldn't try to eat the chord. Of course, he is a black cat -- a walking Halloween accessory. Man, that tabby's got it made.

I guess I'll nix the iPod commercial idea for myself for sure. Its good that I have the cat's costume done if I ever become one of those people who dress up their pets.

After work tonight, I managed to come up with a great idea. After doing many Google image searches on the web, I think I've found an optimal costume project that I'll be able to sink my teeth into. It will take much work and give my creative muscles a real test, but I'm up to the challenge. I have two parties to go to this year, so I want to make this a prime costume well worth it. I'll speak more on the specifics of the idea when I know for sure it's a reality. For now, though, let the construction begin.

It's always something....

Wednesday's Playlist:

1. Cinecast #43 - Fuzzy Math

2. Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine

G

|

But enough of my bitching...

One of the highlights of my day was getting the new Fiona Apple album. I preordered it via iTunes. I can't tell you the last time I bought an actual physical disc; I've been buying all my stuff digitally and giving it a home on my wonderful little iPod. I don't even burn CDs anymore, I just take my iPod with me everywhere I go. Gosh, what a nice little device. Steve Jobs certainly has a posse and I am a card carrying member of the cult of Mac.

My other highlight happened on the drive over to my parents' tonight after work. Where they live is still deep in the heart of the country. As I got to their house, I noticed the great color palette of the season. Any corn that is left is a dusty tan. The trees are a mixture of greens, browns, yellows, oranges, and reds. The big tree in the center of my parents' yard, the tree that's becoming my favorite as time goes on, is a golden majestic yellow. All around the yard are signs of the season; pumpkins of various sizes all over the place. For a split second, I was taken by autumn's beauty. Fall is my favorite season, despite how fleeting it is. When I drove to Minnesota a couple weekends ago, I noticed all of the farmers selling pumpkins. Whenever I pass pumpkins for sale, I can't help but get a slight smile on my face. Someday, when I win the lottery and have my 100 acres, I will have a pumpkin patch and sell them all for $1 a piece. My property will be full of trees, many of them all becoming my new favorites. Is having a favorite tree a normal thing? Or this some oddity from the orange-haired fall-loving pumpkin?

So anyway, that's my day. A couple complaints, a couple highlights. It's never all bad. Right now I'm just enjoying a few free singles of the week from iTunes. Wow is there some good stuff out there.

I'm posting my graphic from last week's art class. It really has nothing to do with this text. It's more of an extension of last night's post. But, oh well, it's all part of me. Rock on.

Tuesday's Playlist:

1. Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine

2. Dido - Live At Brixton Academy

3. In The Name Of Love - Artists United for Africa

G

|

So now, it's just me and Mike, the guy who runs the class. I'm still enjoying the drawing time and the structure of making time to draw. But it's not the same. I no longer feel pushed by my classmates or have "margarita night" to look forward to after class. I even went to the bar by myself after class one night, but it just wasn't the same. Suddenly, it's made me realize how important the social aspect of that class was. It's obviously as important to me as the artistic one.

In a lot of ways, it's forced me to ask myself why I am I drawing? Why am I making the trek to Green Bay, the extra 80 miles on my car every week to continue this? Yet, there's something inside of me that needs to do it. It's almost a test now, to see if I can do this, minus the social aspect.

A couple weekends ago, I went to my friend Heather's wedding in St. Paul. I went back and forth whether or not I was going to go. I wanted to go, that was for sure, but hesitated since I didn't know anybody other than the bride and groom. In the end, I chose to go. I made the five hour drive by myself, got a room in the city by myself, and went to the wedding alone. I basically only knew the bride and groom, although I'd met many of the people once before, forcing me to mingle (and ultimately, having a really good time). It was odd, being at that wedding, in a lot of ways, really feeling all alone. Again, it was almost a test to see how I would react, what I would do. Could I do this?

Making the drive to the wedding by myself seemed fitting, right on top of the new alone phase in my art class. Both instances, I felt stripped away of all preconceived notions and labels. This was me and me alone, however I chose to present myself. Both instances were my time to be myself or who I wanted to be. Once I strip away all of the distractions in my life, it forces me to figure out who I want to be, or at least see who I really am. It's an odd, lonely, and empowering thing.

Over the past few weeks, one of my best friends moved a couple hours away. I've gone from essentially hanging out with somebody for entire weekends, to now having my weekends now all alone. Once again, I feel like I'm on my own, stripped of any preconceived notions, responsibilities, and good or bad habits. It's a hollow feeling but tinged with possibilities.

I've always been good alone. I've always managed to keep a very active social life. When the rare weekend comes along with no plans, I revel in it. But now, the weekends seem a little quieter than they have in a long time. Be careful what you wish for they always say. All of this alone time has made me realize that I'm at a lucky phase in my life,where I can do what I want when I want. It's a nasty double-edged sword though. With all of this wonderful me-time, comes a lot of loneliness; perhaps too much me-time.

Some of these feelings tend to surface during this change of seasons. I remember last year at this time, feeling quite down and out. Last fall and winter were some of the darkest times in my life. I attended three funerals, was still learning to deal with my dad's illness, and things at work weren't good. When I look at my life now compared to back then, things aren't so bad. I probably have just as much alone time now, if not more, but my head is in a different place, a better and stronger place. It's hard to explain.

So far, this fall, in my alone time, I am finding a real enjoyment in my writing, drawing, photography, music, this website, and movies. Yeah, these are passions I've always had in my life. But when I think about them from last fall, they seemed to only add to my darkness...perhaps maybe even conceal it. Nowadays, I see my time alone as a great opportunity to catch up on all of these things in my life I love so much. Maybe that's just me, learning to adjust to this stripped down life.

And taking a step back for a moment, I have to say that I do find it funny, that, in September alone, I was out of town three weekends out of four. When I really look at things long and hard, I'm not alone at all (I just had a couple of mellow weekends in there!) I'm just kind of rambling tonight, still feeling under the weather and a bit sorry for myself (although I have to say I feel a lot better since I finished writing this all down). That's all for now.

Monday's Playlist:

1. Cinecast #42 - Out of the Past

2. Ebert & Ropert - Reviews for the Weekend of October 1 - 2

3. Sheryl Crow - Wildflower

4. Paul McCartney - Chaos And Creation In The Backyard

5. U2 - Live from Under the Brooklyn Bridge

6. Sting - Sacred Love

7. Fiona Apple - When The Pawn...

8. Fiona Apple - Tidal

G

|

P.S. Check out the September archives. Last month I finally got back into the swing of things where my art and writing were concerned. It was a truly busy month, but somehow I managed to FINALLY add working comments to my pages as well as bulk up my snap shots AND add my first sketch book gallery. It's taken some time for these new pages to fill up, but I feel like I'm going at them now full steam ahead. When one door opens...