When Nate started at the company seven years ago, he was just a young punk still going to technical school. He worked on a part-time basis. Immediately, he and I hit it off and became friends, despite the fact that he was only 19 at the time and I was well into my late 20s. Shortly after he was hired, he came on board full-time. That first summer, he and I hung out all the time. We would party at his house (which he owned) and I actually was the "old guy" who would buy him beer. When Nate turned 21, I took two days off of work so we could party at midnight on the eve of his birthday (all three of us who partied got sick that night), as well as on his actual birthday. We were just those kind of friends. I spent many nights on his couch or floor after a late night of partying.

Our friendship continued as he met his future wife and they had a baby together. I stood up in their wedding. I've helped them move. In the seven years of knowing him, I've become close to his extended friends and family. I attend his daughter's birthday parties and have become an unofficial uncle. No longer is Nate a young under-aged punk who I buy beer, but a responsible adult on an equal level with a wife, kid, house, career, etc. It's cool to have witnessed his maturity right along his side. He's become one of those friends where I can proudly say I've been integrated into his family unit's life. I can proudly say that over the past seven years, our friendship has grown like brothers and has a deep foundation of respect and trust.

So with all this said, I know that I will see my friend again soon, as we always do every few weekends. I am happy and proud of his great new opportunity. But right now, I'm pretty bummed that I won't see him on the day-to-day basis that I've come used to. I'm bummed that he will no longer be part of the support group I have at work or one of the coworkers that I get along with so well and work so efficiently with. I'm bummed that I've lost one of my best friends in the office, the second in almost a year, who I could vent to, relate with, confide in, and share all of the frustrations, good times, gossip, laughter, etc. that all goes along with having a coworker who has also become a friend.

The best way for me to get along with coworkers and make my job easier is that I eventually become friends with them. Usually really good friends. At the very least, the friendship is built upon mutual respect. I hate that it's become this double edge sword for me -- the friendship is one of the best things to come out of it but also one of the most painful when someone takes on a new opportunity and ways have to be parted. Such is life.

When my friend Brandon, who's also become one of my best friends, left our office to work in Arizona, we remained close friends and somehow nothing really has changed. But still, there is a void there for me in the day-to-day routine where he's still concerned. Now with Nate leaving, that void just a got a little bigger with another one of my peeps moving on.

So, tonight, allow me the opportunity to be bummed out.

Wednesday's playlist:

1. Madonna - Music

2. Madonna - Get Together EP

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I've been frustrated beyond belief with my job the past few weeks. I'm tired of being upset and red in the face. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired (that should be a country song?). Although I know much of my stress is justified, I also recognize how I allow it to build on itself and sometimes turn into much more than it really is. No matter how bad things get, I have to figure out a way to not so worked up at that place, not bring the mental baggage home with me at night or let it chip away at my very heart and soul. Regardless of the situation, I am still the only one in control of my stress. It's nice having the time off to kind of chill out and recharge, get away from things and view them from a different perspective, and kind of feel my problems dissolve and go away if not until at least after the holiday.

Today I spent the entire day on the couch away from my office and watched much of the second season of The Office (I think that might be either ironic or pathetic, I'm not sure, but man, do I love that show!) and just had a really nice day vegging out, only taking a small break to cut my lawn. The only other plans I have for the weekend are to try to catch X-Men 3, spend a few hours doing laundry, and maybe doing some much overdue housecleaning. I have the entire weekend to myself and I'm really digging this lack of priorities!

So as I sit here in this cool coffee house, feeling slightly old (damn those college kids are fuckin' loud!) but oddly hip with my new black MacBook blazing (making quite the fashion statement too, if you ask me), I feel content with such a pleasant day behind me and happy that some of the stress and anger that's been running through my veins is a thing of the past. At least for the weekend, anyway.

I'm totally digging this new computer and all the possibilities! Have a great weekend.

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I ordered this new bad boy last Wednesday. He showed up yesterday, making his trek from China to Anchorage to Tennessee to Appleton over the weekend! Yesterday I bought a wireless router, and thanks to how simple Macs are, I was able to hook up my cable internet to my router, my router to my main computer (my G5 iMac), and then link wireless internet to my new McaBook throughout the house and the yard! Setting up everything wireless, including creating a secure network between the two computers so I can transfer files from one to another, took me about 15 minutes! Within minutes after hooking up the router, I had a bunch of files copied over and I was on my way! Basically right out of the box. I love my Macs!

Tonight after work, I sat on the porch and just listened to the birds chirp and watched traffic drive by, while checking emails, MySpace, and chatting with a friend from Germany. The new MacBook even has a tiny iSight camera built into the frame of the display -- its the best webcam I've ever used. The freedom I feel with this new computer (his name is Mr. Frodo) is amazing. I no longer feel confined to my desk anymore which unfortunately is in a dark corner of my computer room. I'm excited at the portability and easy connectivity this computer has to offer as I gravitate towards a more and more connected digital lifestyle. (I just hope that my iMac (his name is Vader) doesn't get ignored sitting in the corner!)

I've been kind of frustrated at work lately. With the arrival of this new toy, the finales of 24 last night (maybe the best episode of 24 ever!) and American Idol tonight and tomorrow night (Soul Patrol! Soul Patrol!!), I'm glad to have a few lighter things going on at the moment giving me enough levity to escape my frustrations.

Now that my birthday is over and done with (for some reason, 35 was a hard one to get past), the new computer is here, and my television season is finally over, it's time to start adding some new art to these pages. Unless, of course, I find a local coffee shop that actually has free wi-fi. More later!

Today's playlist: Michael Buble - It's Time

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May 18, 2006 Thursday 10:22 PM
sketch date 5/10/06

That's all for now.

Thursday's playlist:

1. Michael Buble - It's Time

2. Prince - 3121

3. Prince - Dirty Mind

4. U2 - How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

5. Clear Blue Betty - Write Your Name In The Sky

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It's been raining here for the past five days. This morning started out gloomy and gray, spring jacket weather. By mid-morning it was humid and sunny. By lunchtime, it was downright hot, an actual beautiful day. After work, I ran a few errands as the sun quickly went away, the sky turning dark, cloudy, and quite ominous looking. I was barely on the freeway making my journey home as it started to rain, then downpour, then hail. It was the kind of downpour where the normal 75/80 mph traffic slowed to about 30 and many people pulled over. Visibility was zero. I got home about 30 minutes later. It was extremely dark and still raining. As the storm continued, my cat, who usually greets me at the door like a puppy, was nowhere to be found. As with most severe t-storms, he was hiding under the couch. That's when I knew it was a wicked storm.

It stormed for about an hour. Around suppertime, the rained cleared and the sun came out. I went for a short run. The temperature was absolutely perfect. The air for my jog was filled with the smell of lilacs and fresh-cut grass. It turned into the perfect spring night.

I swung by my parents' around suppertime to watch American Idol with Mom. They have huge windows in the family room. During the show, I noticed the sun was shining incredibly yellow and the shadows were long and intense. The colors out in the country seemed as if someone had cranked up the contrast -- deep greens, bright yellows, and the sky was an intense blue. It was amazingly calm outside. Suddenly, it thundered like dynamite and started to gently shower as the sun was still shining bright yellow. This cause a rainbow to the east (only minutes after one of the contestants sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow."). I walked outside in the gentle rain -- almost walking between drops. As American Idol ended and I said my goodbyes, the sky turned about a million different shades of pink surrounding the sun as it quickly set. A rainbow reappeared a little farther south, right behind the bright reddish-pink, almost magenta, flowering crab trees in full bloom. The buds on the trees hung heavy, glistening with the newly fallen rain. The blossoms were incredibly fragrant, all I could hear was the random bird singing, and the occasional small raindrop made its journey to the ground. It was a real moment of peace and beauty.

The sun disappeared on my quick drive home. The sky quickly darkened as the rain started again with very dark clouds off to the east, blending in with the onslaught of night. I'm not too worried, though, as the cat's not under the couch.

All we didn't have today was snow. Of course, the day's not over yet. I just needed to capture the Wisconsin weather of this day -- it was so intense, wicked, and completely beautiful. But sorry, no photos! I can't seem to find my camera at the moment (no worries, though), so I just needed to capture the day in a different way. Mother Nature is one righteous babe.

Today's playlist:

1. Elvis - 30 #1 Hits

2. Michael Buble - It's Time

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Thanks to some other friends and my family, I felt much appreciated on the music front -- by last night, when the last of my gifts were opened, it became a running joke. Over the course of the weekend, I ended up with a little over $140 in iTunes gift certs/cards!! How well they all know me... Now I have this huge-ass balance in my account and can slowly bulk up my music collection even more! Tonight after work, I picked up half a dozen or so Elvis songs, which (thanks for American Idol the other night) has been a bit of a guilty pleasure lately. Man, he's so good. It's like, I finally get it! Ah, music.

Driving home from my friends' house yesterday morning, I realized that 35 can be a new beginning again if I choose for it to be. Yes, it's half-way to 70 (the running joke that night), but it also marks a new day, as should every day really. And starting off the next year of my life, that felt like an extremely hopeful thought. But that's all for now.

Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.

Monday's playlist:

1. The Killers - Hot Fuss

2. Elvis - 30 #1 Hits

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Thursday's playlist:

1. U2 - 7

2. Madonna - Confessions on a Dance Floor

3. John Lennon - Acoustic

4. Prince - The B-Sides

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In my real life, I'm a very political guy. At work, I'm one of a small handful of vocal Democrats. I've been told by a few of my closer Republican friends that they never consider me a liberal. I'm far too open to ideas from across the board to be stuck with any one party, although I'm far from a conservative either (And they do still throw terms like "hippie" and "tree-hugger" my way). I've been told that I'm more of a libertarian than anything -- where I can admit to the good and bad on both sides.

For the record, my vote went to Kerry in '04 (a bit of strategic voting, in my mind anything to get rid of Bush), to the Green Party and Ralph Nader in '00, and to Clinton the other two times I've been able to vote. I remember the first time I could vote in the primaries of '91. My vote went to Jerry Brown. I remember voting for Clinton later that election year and felt so proud casting my vote and excited by the change I saw coming. Ah, the excitement of being on a liberal campus (University of Wisconsin-Madison) during an election.

But now, politics just make me angry. They make me argue and get defensive. They turn me into a fatalist feeling like there's no hope left and that the corporations have taken over. Sometimes I'm bothered by just how cynical I'm getting as I grow older.

I'm happy that you all responded so passionately to my political rant the other night. I try to shy away from politics in these pages. For the most part, I think people are as sick of them as I am. And to be honest, I don't feel like I'm educated enough about politics or current world events to ever give a truly well-justified rant. While my goal with this site isn't exactly to make friends (although it's become an incredible side-effect), it certainly isn't to make any shy away either. When I first got into blogging, one of my favorite bloggers (I won't even mention her name anymore) took a nasty conservative turn a few months into my finding her. What started out as cool, edgy blog turned into "Why the 'Dems' always suck" and I couldn't handle it. At first, I would go to her site with fists clenched, ready to fight and defend. But after awhile, I realized that I had no reason to be there, no reason to fight. I wasn't going to un-brainwash her. I didn't like what she was saying, so I just changed the channel so-to-speak. No reason to be a site troll either.

And to be honest, I really don't want to be that guy.

To me, talks of politics and/or religion can make the best of friends into mortal enemies. I'm just not good enough to try to be one of those Ann Coulter, Tucker Carlson, or Al Franken types, all annoying assholes, if you ask me. Send me a John Stewart, Steven Coulbert, or Bill Maher any day.

But on occasion, the Democrat, liberal, libertarian, Green party guy, Bono-in-training, or whatever label you want to call me, is still bound to come out and make a visit, like I did the other night.

Thanks for the support! :)

Tuesday's playlist:

1. Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself

2. Dido - Live at Brixton Academy

3. Elvis - 30 #1 Hits

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But yes, I'm glad I saw it.

I left the theater with my head hung low; I couldn't look up. I drove home with no music on my car stereo. No song can explain how I feel. I feel stunned, devastated, upset, horrified, emotionally spent, and pissed off.

I'm pissed off that such pure evil exists in this world and that such religious devotion can generate such venomous hatred.

I'm pissed off that our government has used the events of the terrorist attack to further their vested interests with the war in Iraq. I'm sick of all the pointless death. How dare they soil the memories of the lives lost to misdirected fear to our weakened nation?!

I'm pissed off for the seven minutes that George Bush spent at that school after he heard the news. Seven minutes?! What a fuckin' idiot.

I'm pissed off that our government all has their heads up their asses, and doesn't care about what's good for this country, only worrying about the gain of power, seats, constituents, sound bites, and winning elections. I am very afraid for the state of our country and what these oil millionaires and crooked politicians have done in the name of self-interest. I'm pissed off that I no longer know if the face of evil is that of the terrorists who waged this attack or the very politicians on Capitol Hill who claimed to retaliate.

How did it come to this?

Despite my rage, I also left the movie feeling an even deeper love for this country. This country is not a bunch of corrupt people in suits, discussing the next $100 band aid they can use to satiate the masses. This country is not composed of red and blue states divided at the core as the talking heads would have the rest of the world believe. The heart of this country is that abstract unity that wouldn't allow United flight 93 to reach it's destination. It's that determination, that fire. The heart of this country is the rage I'm feeling, the discontentment with all that's wrong in this country, the fire in my belly that knows we can't sit down and take this shit. It's our ability to rise up, regardless of our current misguidedness. I have to believe that fire still exists, despite what Fox News may say. It's in the polls, it's in the papers. People are angry. This nation is fed up.

On my way home, I took a detour and stopped at my parent's house, just like I did on 9-11. I couldn't be alone. Just like on 9-11, my sister was there with my nephews. Derick was 18 months at the time (now 6), and my sister was only a few months pregnant with Brett (now 4). Just like on 9-11, I found an escape from my sadness and rage, and focused on my love and the hope that these two tykes represent. The love I have for them, I shall never forget.

A few of my coworkers mentioned that they didn't think they'd be ready to see this movie. I don't think I really ever would be. But I felt it was important to do so. I was impressed by the factual nature of the movie. It didn't feel exploitative to me at all.

Unlike our current administration, the war, the gas prices, and that goddamned quest for power.

"Heaven on earth
We need it now
I'm sick of all of this hanging around
Sick of sorrow
Sick of the pain
Sick of hearing, again and again
That there's gonna be peace on earth."

Rise up people. Walk on.

Never forget.

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Toward the later part of my day, my computer guy at work, Mark, got the iBook that I took to Arizona back from the shop. There was something messed up with the display, but all was fine with my pictures that were stored on there. I glanced through them and forgot how beautiful the second group that I shot was. Just getting that computer back really raised my spirits. In the back of my mind, I had lingering thoughts that I'd not be able to recover those files. Oh well, nothing to fret. Hopefully by the weekend, I can add a few more to my snap shots section. There's some good ones.

Shortly after lunch, I asked Mark if he had any of the new Mighty Mice around. I saw a coworker with one, and really wanted to try it out. He said none were available which was no big deal. Shortly before my day ended, the guy who's mouse I was checking out (that sounds dirty) got a different one and Mark gave me his. Score! This is such a minor deal really, but such a great score. I can't believe how beautiful this mouse is and how elegant it works.

For some reason today, the little things seemed to matter a bit more than usual. After a really dark day on Monday (I mentioned to somebody that it was one of my worst days ever at work), today felt nice and light. Thanks to the little things. For something different, I tossed my iPod Shuffle (full of U2 songs) around my neck (yeah, I have two iPods) and just felt content letting it surprise me at will.

I might mention that over lunch, I watched all of the new Apple ads, finding a real pleasure in them. These really make me laugh. I'm such a Mac geek.

So between the iPod around my neck, the fixed iBook on my desk, a new Mighty Mouse in my hand, and some stick-it-to-em Apple ads on my radar, it was a good day. Wait, didn't this all start with the birds singing? They must be Mac users too.

File this one under geek. What you are currently experiencing is called The Cult of Mac. Only in the cult of the Mac will you find such devotion.

:P

Today's playlist: Keane - Hopes and Fears

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In the past few weeks, although my journal entries had been a bit sparse, I've been still spending much time at my MySpace (what's the right way to phrase that, btw??). It's an odd new way of "meeting" people that seems even more hands-off than chatting. But I'm finding it oddly addicting and pretty fascinating. Who are all these new friends I've already made, and why would they possibly want to be my friend? I've been amazed by the friendships I've made in the blog and chat worlds. This is just a new form of it, I suppose.

My art classes have been cancelled for the next few weeks due to a lack of attendance. Although that sucks majorly, as I was just really beginning to get back into it, I don't mind the break for the next few weeks. Between my brother's house (we're done painting, he's laying down the floor, and then he'll need help actually moving), the zombie movie project that's just started to ramp up, and guitar lessons that I have to line up this week, things will continue to be hectic. I bought some watercolors on Good Friday and can't wait to get back into them -- having not done watercolors in over 10 years. Perhaps in lieu of my art classes the next few weeks, I'll treat myself to painting some images from my trip to Arizona.

That's all for now -- kind of a quick post to tell everybody what's up and that I'm alive! The past few weeks I've allowed my life to get lost in the shuffle of everything else. I've tried so hard to please everybody else, and have felt like I've disappointed my friends or family if I couldn't be in three places at once. Meanwhile, losing myself along the way.

Well, this stops now.

1. U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

2. The Killers - Hot Fuss

3. Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself

4. Clear Blue Betty - Write Your Name in the Sky

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P.S. Be sure to check out the April archives. I didn't add much new content to the site other than a lot of writing, some new drawings, and a few photos from my trip to Arizona (more to come once I get the computer back). Even though I didn't add a lot of media to the outreaches of this site, it was a journal in the truest sense, really capturing a great trip and what April of 2006 had to offer. And bottom line, that's what this site is all about. When one door opens.....