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Early last month, they put my Grandma in a retirement home. We all thought she was going to die. But with the constant care that she's receiving at the home, she's actually doing quite well. She just couldn't live by herself any longer, even though the family was giving her as much care as they could. She simply needed professional help. It's odd, having conversations with my Dad about things such as wills, last rights, and powers of attorney. It's something nobody ever wants to face. But now with Grandma in the home, the slow process of cleaning out the house has begun. With many siblings and even more grandchildren, who-gets-what has become a delicate issue. I leave my nose out that aspect of things. Dad, his brother, and his sisters have enough to worry about and have to do things as they see appropriate. It began with cleaning out Grandma's garage, then the basement, and the next thing will be the house. Depending on what the lawyers figure out, her house will probably be put up for sale soon. At 91 years of age, there's no way she can ever go back home. Seeing this tarp has always been a bittersweet thing for me and my family. Dad doesn't talk about the war. Like many Vietnam vets, the pain is too strong, too deep to verbalize. Dad comes from the school of pushing pain like that deep inside, hopefully ignoring it until it goes away. But now knowing that Dad got this "gift" back from Grandma, which all of his sisters wanted him to have, because of the fact that her belongings are being gone through, separated, and given new homes before she dies, is a heart wrenching thing. The picture of that little soldier boy speaks volumes to me. It speaks about the pain that my dad has gone through in his life. It speaks of a pain in serving a country that didn't appreciate his sacrifice, a pain in being called to duty in a senseless war that nobody could make heads or tales of. But it also speaks to me about my dad's pain as a son, a son seeing his mother's life slowly coming to an end. The strong little soldier who just now is beginning to shed some tears. I look at this piece, which Mom gave to me today to get framed for Dad for Father's Day, and see my dad's pain with this fucking diabetes that just won't go away. His blood sugar levels are completely under control, but the pain in his feet isn't going away, and the medication that have him on is sucking the life out of him. Much like when dad was in Vietnam, his weight is at a record low. He sleeps all the time. He's depressed. His becoming a shell of a man. A casualty of war. Once again, the strong little soldier who just now is beginning to shed some tears. In many ways, I can understand how Dad must feel right now, watching what Grandma is going through. I feel the same way when I look at him. I dedicate tonight's post to the veterans of the world, who've made sacrifices because of their call to duty, and all of the wars that they've fought or are still fighting. God Bless America. Blogging to Dido - Life For Rent P.S. Be sure to check out the photography section of this site. I added a dozen or so new picts to the gallery.
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There are many facets to my art. Sometimes I'm all about doodling, letting my mind and pen wander to see where it goes. Other times, I'm all about comic books, super heroes and fantasy. Very often, I just need to express myself, so the drawings are done quickly and intensely. When I paint, it's usually simply about expressing myself with color and form, many times done with frantic strokes, paint-covered hands, and paint actually just tossed on the canvas. Of course, there are my more delicate, well thought-out pieces that I spend much more time on, with a goal of usually trying to capture a physical and/or spiritual likeness of the model. There are many other assets to my art as well. I have a love of graphic design. I love photography. I love wood carving. I'd imagine there are countless other forms of self-expression that I'm not thinking of right now or haven't experienced yet. For me, the endless possibilities that art presents to me is a profound thing. I firmly believe that that's my purpose here on Earth.
It's a pretty great thing at this point in my life, to realize that the two things that mean the most to me in this world, my art and the relationships I have with people, are so rich, textured, multi-faceted and truly impossible to define. In my mind, it's the real meaning of life. Or at least it's the meaning that I give to this life. :) As a little post script to the art story, the model last night, Don, is planning to donate the money we gave him for posing to a Relay For Life cancer benefit. It never fails to amaze me, some of the wonderful people that I draw. Misc surfing: I came across this story on the web. It's about an unidentified blogger who goes by the name of Rance. There's much speculation that this Rance guy is actually somebody famous like Ben Affleck, Jim Carrey, or George Clooney, and he's giving an insider's account of Hollywood, with a bunch of dirt. Check out Rance's blog and decide for yourself. It's kind of a fun concept, if you ask me. That's all for now. Now it's time to enjoy the sun for awhile on this beautiful Friday off! Friday's Playist: 1. Clear Blue Betty - Never Been A Rebel 2. Five For Fighting - The Fight For Everything 3. Prince - Musicology 4. Alanis Morisette - So-Called Chaos |
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This entire project had a real synergy to it. It's been a few years since I talked to Tony and Beth, the drummer and the lead singer. But once we hooked up and the ball was rolling, it felt like no time had passed at all. The band had a distinct vision for what they wanted this CD to look like. But I took their vision, ran with it, and gave them an upgraded version they never expected. They sound extremely pleased with things as well. It's amazing the progress a group of talented people can make, when they collaborate, give and take, and understand where each other is coming from. I won't lie when I say the project was a lot of work; but it was also an amazing experience. I'm blown away when I think that this kick-ass CD will now be part of my 800+ CD collection. I joked with my friends last night that I'm now part of the music industry. It's a great feeling.
A Moment Like
This... I Believe... That's all for now. Wednesday's Playist: 1. Clear Blue Betty - Never Been A Rebel 2. Alanis Morisette - So-Called Chaos 3. Rufus Wainright - Want One |
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But the media in my life today turned my attitude around 180 degrees. Here's a few examples how: 1. Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King - The theatrical release came out today on DVD and I picked it up at lunch. When I got home from work tonight, I played a few of the final scenes with my home stereo system cranked way up. I was actually feeling a breeze from the subwoofer and the pictures were rattling on the wall. This movie rocks. It was meant for a good audio system. 2. Clear Blue Betty: Never Been A Rebel - I got my first copy of the professional printed version of the CD from my friends. They had the CD release party for it on Friday night, and only received the discs three hours previous to the show. Everything on my design looks great. This being the first time I've heard the CD, I have to say, it really sounds awesome. Tearing the cellophane off of that CD tonight, seeing my artwork...Well, I felt like a real winner. For me, personally and professionally, this is an amazing thing. Having the final design of this CD in my hands is worth a post of its own. I will go into more detail tomorrow night and show some more of the artwork. 3. American Idol - Fantasia, you go girl. 4. 24 - How can every episode of this show be so good and so fucking intense?? Each season gets better and better. Tonight's season finale was amazing. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. When I see a show like Friends, where the actors are paid a million dollars per episode each, and it somehow manages to get huge ratings and a large following, it makes no sense to me. How can a show with so much money behind it, have such a lame series finale when a show like 24, which isn't getting the ratings or the attention it deserves, is so kicking ass? This season finale was so much better than the Friends series finale, which garnered so much attentions. I just don't get it. That's all for now. Just a few quick random thoughts brought about directly from music and TV, which all managed to turn my day around. Now I have a DVD to watch, some music to listen to, some TV to catch up on.... Tuesday's Playist: 1. Kelly Clarkson - Thankful 2. Clear Blue Betty - Never Been A Rebel |
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This is one of the first weddings I've been to where I really felt like I knew a lot of people. I've met Nate's family before, met and hung out with many of the attendants before, knew a bunch of the friends that were there, and obviously know all of Nate and my coworkers. It was one of those nights where I felt like there were so many people around that I knew, many who I barely got a chance to talk to. I tried to squeeze some socializing in between beer and breakin' some moves on the dance floor, but somehow the day got away on me.
Then of course, there was the Michael Jackson incident on the dance floor.
In the end, Nate and Kim's wedding was a blast that flew by with amazing speed. It was one of those weekends that was like a wave that swept me up and took me for one helluva ride. Much socializing was done, new friendships were made, the beer flowed like wine, and my feet walked on the moon. Monday's Playist: 1. Alanis Morisette - So-Called Chaos 2. Howard Shore - The Two Towers Soundtrack 3. Howard Shore - The Return Of The King Soundtrack |
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The
Calm Before The Storm I sit here in the silence this morning, sensing the calm before the storm. I'm an usher in my friends Nate and Kim's wedding tomorrow. Shortly after I finish this post, my time will be spent with them. There's a rehearsal dinner tonight, much to do tomorrow before the wedding, and a gift opening the following day. I'm looking forward to this and know it will be a blast. I also know that my time won't be my own; that their wedding will be the focus of my weekend. I need to soak up this silence now and relish my personal time while I can. I sit here in the silence this morning, knowing that this time belongs to me. I cherish the pitter patter of the gentle rain and the wild chirping of the birds. I embrace this bit of me-time before a highly social weekend takes wings and flies. Right now it feels like deep breathe before the big plunge. Have a great weekend! |
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But with the release of the theatrical version of this movie on DVD in a few days, once again, my interest has peaked. I'm beginning to really start geeking out again where Lord of the Rings is concerned. I went for another run tonight after work. It was a beautiful May day, and I wasn't about to let it slip away from me. With the LOTR geek-o-meter reaching cautionary levels, I was listening to a playlist with tracks from all three movie scores on my iPod. It may sound odd to run to a movie soundtrack, especially the kind which is essentially classical music. But when the music hits just right, when the choral voices start swelling and the orchestra dives and plunges creating rich emotional textures and images, it becomes an extremely inspiration experience to run to. Absolutely incredible. But tonight, the entire three miles were nothing but a bitter challenge. My hamstrings and chest felt tight, and I had sweat stinging my eyes. From beginning to end, it was an internal struggle not to stop, walk, and head back home. In the home stretch of my run, where my legs and lungs were screaming at me to stop, I had the daunting task of facing the bridge. Running up the bridge. This is a real killer. I remember running it for track in high school; people just panting and grunting, trying to make their way up it. The Wrighstown bridge over the Fox River can be vicious beast. And a little bitch. As I was just about ready to give up any hope of completing my run without throwing in the towel, the track, The End of All Things, from Return of the King kicked in on my iPod. As I started huffing and puffing, with no clue as to how I would find the strength to finish, I visualized the scene from the movie where this music was playing in. It was where Sam and Frodo, two little hobbits, lose all hope on their ascension up Mount Doom.
Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? Frodo doesn't answer, just groans silently. It'll be spring soon and the orchards will be in blossom, and the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And the whistle in the summer barley in the lower fields. And eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries? Frodo, lying in Sam's arms, opens his weary eyes, breathing dry and heavy. No, Sam... I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... or the touch of grass... Sam watches Frodo, tears streaming from his eyes. I'm... I'm naked in the dark... there's nothing... nothing, no veil between me and the Wheel of Fire!! Frodo watches Sam, his eyes full of fear as he continues. I can see Him with my waking eyes!! Then let us be rid of It! Once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo! I can't carry It for you, but I can carry you! COME ON! The music swells. Frodo watches with wide eyes and clutches onto Sam. His friend lifts him up and carries him on his shoulders, slowly but surely up the hill. The two little hobbits, the most unlikely of heroes, make their way up the volcano to eventually complete their task. Needless to say, this is my favorite part in the movie. It's the part that gives me goose bumps and maybe even a few random tears. And for as silly as it may sound...for as dorky as it may sound...tonight, when I had nothing left and that music kicked in, I actually felt like those little heroes from that movie which has really gotten under my skin. Tonight, that music carried me up the volcano. And I understood just why this trilogy means so much to me. And, yes, I know how big of a geek this makes me. Wednesday's Playist: 1. Alanis Morisette - So-Called Chaos 2. Random songs from the Lord of the Rings trilogy composed by Howard Shore |
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But somewhere along the way, I completely lost interest. Nothing on TV lived up to whatever they were hyping up for the week. Anything that would have been an interesting or pleasant surprise was always ruined in the scenes for the following week or the commercials. Somewhere along the way, I started reading again, watching DVDs instead, running, writing, drawing, and creating this website. Who has time for all of that shitty TV anyway? With that said, I lost interest in Friends about five years before its letdown of a finale. I felt like I grew up long before those losers did. When I'd watch an episode, I'd think to myself, "Was that really a million dollar performance by Lisa Kudrow? Is David Schwimmer's endless whining, really worth all of that money? Could the Ross/Rachel storyline be dragged out any longer?" Where ER was concerned, I finally got tired of the rotating door policy they had with the cast. I'd spend years getting to know and following certain characters and storylines, and, poof, just like that, they'd be off the show. When they killed off Mark Green, that was pretty much the end of it for me. I started thinking to myself, "Why bother? Why should I care about these characters? They're just going to leave anyway." For me, the explosion of reality TV quickly seemed to implode on itself. I remember watching the third season of Survivor (after only a year and a half), and already getting tired of the format. Each show in the entire genre eventually was a clone of the next: Put a bunch of beautiful people together in some interesting location and then have them plot against each other, voting one person off at a time. It didn't take long for me to get tired of words like alliance and strategy. I just got sick of it. Well, now in this era in my life of art, blogs, and websites, there are still a few shows on my Must-See roster. I'll do whatever I can not to miss a new episode of The Simpsons or South Park, two shows that still make me laugh my ass off after all of these years. VH1 currently has a weekly show called The Best Week Ever, which I always get a kick out of. And then there are me two favorites of the moment, whose seasons are both ending next week: American Idol and 24. It must sound hypocritical to dog shows like Survivor and Big Brother, and then name American Idol a current favorite. There's just something wonderfully entertaining about that show for me right now. I love the music, the harsh criticisms, Paula Abdul (aw yeah!), and seeing a few really talented young people emerge. It's also become something for my mom and I to share an interest in. Each week, I usually watch at least one episode of the show with her. Now Dad's interest in it is even getting peaked as well. My vote, by the way, goes to Fantasia! Then there's Jack Bauer. It's been a long time since I've seen a show as intense as 24. To me, the camera work, the editing, the fact that it takes place in "real time," and just the wild storylines make it second to none right now. Each week, by the climax of the episode, I actually feel flushed in the face, my heart rushing, and find myself screaming "Holy shit!" at my cat, the TV, or one of my friends on the phone calling me up to say the same thing. And again, this is one of those great shows that all of my friends are watching right now; it's an awesome thing to share. Here, by the way, is a little audio treat for fans fans of the show. But with the praises behind me, I have to say that I'm quite glad that the shows are wrapping up their seasons. There's so much I want to do when I get home from work, but find myself feeling almost tied down by the TV on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Yeah, I have a VCR, but it's almost too much bother for me to keep up with the tapes. I can't wait to get my Tuesday nights back, go to the occasional art class, spend more time outside with plants and flowers, with my bike and running shoes. I can't wait for the old ball and chain to give me my life back! That's all for now. What are you watching? Tuesday's Playist: 1. U2 - Please 2. Prince - Sign O The Times, disc 2 3. U2 - Live At The Pop Mart In Mexico City 4. Alanis Morisette - So-Called Chaos |
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Walking on a night like this, I know why I love Wisconsin so much. It's not too hot or muggy yet; the weather is simply perfect. It's as if with the flick of a switch, spring has miraculously arrived. The longer and faster I walked, the more smells of spring I noticed. I had my headphones on, and it's as if the deeper I concentrated on the music and my walking, the more fragrant the smells got. Lilacs mixed with fresh grass clippings. Tulips mixed with every blossom of the season. Rose bushes mixed with fresh bark, dandelions, and the fresh smell of the Fox River. Usually when I walk or run through town, I see things: sunsets, flowers, people, buildings, and the trees reflecting on the water. But tonight, my nose was at full attention, being treated to the wonders that a May night in Wisconsin has to offer. When I got back from my walk, I was still feeling slightly agitated by my day. The night was early, so I decided to sit on my porch and draw a tree across the street which has been taunting me for days. Just like that, I had to draw. I feverishly scribbled away at the paper in front of me until the sunlight of the day was a thing of the past. Again, the entire time I drawing, which is usually quite a visual experience, I was presented with the fragrant smell of a planter full of petunias that my upstairs neighbor put on my porch last week. The smell only added to me needing to draw that tree. My walk through town was as brisk and focused as my little half hour sketch of the tree across the street. But, man, I feel so much better now. I always feel blessed by the gifts that Mother Nature has to offer, my ability to enjoy a few of the good and simple things in life, and having a talent which allows me to exorcise some of the bad. Sweet dreams. Monday's Playist: 1. Five For Fighting - The Battle For Everything 2. Prince - Sign O The Times Currently blogging to U2 - Live At The Pop Mart In Mexico City. |
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Party
Up
I woke up on my friends' couch the next morning around 11:00. I couldn't believe how late it was! I rushed home, took care of some yard work, and headed over to my friend Nate's house for his bachelor party around 1:30. Phase 2 of the weekend was ready to begin.
I've known Nate (he's the one in the photo on the right holding the two beers) since he started at my company 5 years ago. He was doing an internship at the time our local technical school and was only 19 at the time. Despite his young age, we hit it off right away and have been friends ever since. Last night, was a good way for me to remember all of the good times I've had with Nate. I've seen his life change and grow as well. It seems like just yesterday that I was helping his celebrate his 21st birthday. Now he has a 13 month old daughter and is getting married next weekend. I'm an usher in his wedding which should promise to be another busy but fun weekend. Nate's been a good friend to me through the years. He's been a pivotal friend to me during my Appleton/Wrightstown transition, back when I was getting my life back under control. I'll always be grateful to him for that. It's funny how some weekends come and go at such a casual pace, while others are like a wave that utterly sweep me away. After a busy few weeks, and with so much heavy family stuff going on right now, it was a good weekend to put that part of my life on the back burner, party it up, and be surrounded by friends. Hopefully next weekend will be more of the same. Unfortunately, tomorrow it's back to the real world (although I have another four day week to look forward to). But good weekends like this make it easy to recharge, start over, and face Monday until the fun starts up again! That's all for now. Blogging to: 65 Alanis Morisette songs on shuffle. |
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The black and white pen drawing on the left is a quick 10 minute study I did at the end of class. Again, I'm not sure how much it looks like him, but the quick style I used captured something about him, something that's so enjoyable to draw. Mike is an interesting character, somebody I'm truly happy to have met in this lifetime. My friend Mara brought me a big-ass birthday cake to class. I've gone 27 years without having my own cake (my brother showed up the day before I turned 5), and this year, I get two cakes of my own! The other one a small one from my mom. Way cool!! After class, Mara and I went for out for margaritas. I did a shot of tequila from the bartenders, and had a few margaritas, but it was a relatively subdued night. To be honest, it was still quite nice. Mara got me an awesome set of pastels to help me pursue color and a heart-felt card. It was a great night filled with laughter, conversation, and a real connection. Mara is an amazing friend. I had the day off today. It was one of those great lazy days off of work. It gently rained most of the day, and I took advantage of that, surfing the web and watching some garbage TV all day. It was a nice day to recharge after a few really hectic weeks. This birthday thing has been real nice to me thus far. In a few hours, I'm meeting one group of friends out for pizza. After dinner, I'll be heading to Green Bay to celebrate my day with another. So far, 33 is off to a good start. I bet if I looked in the mirror, my eyes are smiling too. Today's music: Five For Fighting - The Battle For Everything (purchased off of the iTunes music store -- thanks for the gift certificate Mark!!!) |
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So far, it's been a pretty good birthday. But it feels odd for me to make such a big deal out of my day. I've never really been an attention seeker. I'm the quiet guy who doesn't make an impression until you start talking to me. Granted, doing this website and being a visual artist obviously requires me to seek out attention on some occasion. But I think with my art and this website, it's an extremely passive-aggressive type of thing. I can put it out there for people to consume, but I don't need to have an entire group of people looking at me at the same time and being the focus. It's never been about me being in the spotlight. I hate the spotlight. With that said, my workday ended in sort of a weird way. We're developing a brochure to distribute to the automotive industry to show them what kind of services our office has to offer. I needed to set up a photo shoot to illustrate how when we do research with technicians fixing a vehicle, we have also have a department shooting digital video, photographers simultaneously shooting stills, a subject matter expert on board, as well as technical writers, etc. The photo shoot required around 10 people to pose for me in a setting that I primarily set up and lit. It was weird, directing people, telling them where to go and what to do. I felt like I was barking orders and bossing people around. But I was assured that all I really was doing was taking control of that group of people. Somebody had to do it. It's weird when you have to tell a large group of individuals to do something at the same time. My voice had to be heard; people needed direction. I felt akward raising my voice like that, but did it none-the-less. It was a bit of a rush as it was happening, but, like I said, I felt weird afterward. Somehow, though, I was able to give the commands and take charge, something I didn't know I could do. I have to tell you, I'm not sure if I'd ever want to direct movies! The drawing on the right was used in a earlier post from September, but seemed quite fitting with today's photo and post. That's all for now. I'm going to be late for class. |
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..as a 32 year old, that is. Tomorrow is my my 33rd birthday. My brother Chad's 28th birthday is today. It's also my cousin Justine's birthday and my grandparents 55th wedding anniversary. I'm the oldest of 20-something grandchildren and missed their anniversary by 38 minutes. Had I left 15 minutes earlier to beat traffic, this wouldn't have been an issue (see yesterday's post). So much goes on around my birthday. Many times it falls on Mother's Day as well. I've never really had much for birthday celebrations of my own, other than what I plan for myself. But tonight, I stopped over at my parents to watch American Idol with my mom; she got me a small cake so I'd have my very own. I believe this is the first birthday cake I've had to myself since my brother showed up the day before I turned 5. Come to think of it, I probably got the shaft that birthday as well! The small cake was a nice touch, a good way to kick-start my birthday. Way to go Mom! For my actual birthday tomorrow, I'll probably have lunch with some coworkers, go to art class, and then out for margaritas with my art friends. I took Friday off of work, so I plan on sleeping in and then having dinner at my favorite pizza place with an extended group of work friends and their families. On Saturday, I'm going to a baseball game for my friend Nate's bachelor party and then hit the bars afterward. In my mind, this is all part of an extended birthday weekend! Today was a good day, getting me in the mood to celebrate this weekend. I went to Chicago with a couple of coworkers for a meeting with a company that we do business with. In an office tour that they were given of our facility last week, I had to give a small presentation of the online training programs that I've been working on over the past few years. I mentioned to one of the men in my presentation, Chuck, that I've had no real training in Instructional Design, and that I'm more or less doing much of this from the hip, from 10 years of on-the-job experience. Chuck invited me to visit his facility today and meet with their Instructional Designers. Their company has spent much money on training their people in adult education, eventually with a few of them getting masters degrees in Instructional Design. Chuck thought it would be beneficial for me to talk with his people, possibly pick their brains, and gain something from their education, all as part of the relationship his company would like to develop with ours. Well, in my meeting today, I shared some of my concerns and struggles with their Instructional Design people. Everything I talked about, everything I brought up, seemed right on the money. Any questions I had for them, whatever options or advice they gave me, I'd already been doing. There was actually a point in the meeting, where one of their guys told me that I was going way over his head with the technology/software side of things. So in a nutshell, I went there today looking for help with a few questions, maybe getting a few pointers. But instead, I left knowing that I'm right on track, right up to par with people who have masters degrees in this sort of thing. I wonder if that type of degree isn't something I shouldn't pursue further? That's for another day. Today was one of those days that validated everything I've been working on. My little business trip to Chicago was a good one. And how nice, so close to my birthday. One last, unrelated note: Today's photo goes out to Krissy, a fellow blogger who has just commissioned me to do a drawing for her! I'm really pumped about this, about sharing my work with the world, with a stranger no less! I'd love for this type of thing to take off! That's all for now. What will 33 bring? My little joke with my friends is that Jesus, or the Big J.C. as I like to call him, was 33 when He died. I have lots to do this year. But like I said, that's all for now. Happy birthday Chad!! |
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The longer I'm at my job, the easier it is for things to bother me, turning that wicked little switch from Smeagol to Gollum. Many times, I get pissed at something that has nothing to do with me or is brought up via hearsay or gossip. I noticed it today; happy one moment, pissed off the next. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde? Smeagol/Gollum? A moody victim of PMS?
I've noticed this when I drive too. Gosh, do I get the worse case of road rage. Happy one moment, usually singing along to "Beautiful Day," or some other U2 song, and - Bam! - "Fuck you mother fucker" the next! My preciousssssssss...... So much of my road rage could be cured if I just left for things, especially work, 15 minutes earlier. But instead, I allow my arrival time (which becomes my destiny at that moment) to be determined by the soccer mom in the minivan on her cell phone screaming at the kids, the 90 year old in the left lane who can barely see over the dash board with his left blinker on, or the teenager with the stocking cap down to his eyes driving a shit box with a NIN bumper sticker messing around with his friends and switching CDs. If I could only teach myself to accept these things, accept these morons on the road, that schizophrenic switch that turns this mild-manner Dr. Banner into some raging Hulk wouldn't have to happen. Of course, this is Smeagol talking right now. Tomorrow morning when I'm late for my work trip to Chicago, I'm sure Gollum will make another appearance. Preciousss....... The smaller doodle in this post was done during a staff meeting today. Inside my head, Gollum and Smeagol were fighting for control. But come on, if any of you have ever sat through an hour long staff meeting, you'd understand....That's all for now. Tuesday's Playist: 1. Elton John - Goodbye Yellow Brick Road 2. Echoes: The Best of Pink Floyd, disc 1 3. The Beatles - 1967 - 1970, disc 1 |
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Sometimes, I question why I even do this thing. What is it inside of me, that feels the need to share all of these thoughts, many of them extremely private, with this world of strangers? My life is no more extraordinary than the next guy's. What makes me think anybody cares to read about the small details of this life that collectively form this man who'll be turning 33 in a few days? Why would anybody care if I just got done watching Big Fish on DVD and loved it? Who cares that I visited my grandma at the old folks home yesterday and could smell death in that place? What significance is it to anybody but me that I gave the printing press the authority to duplicate 1,000 Clear Blue Betty CDs today? Does it really matter that I watched the finale of Friends and was less than impressed? Does anything change that I may be getting another freelance design job, this time in the form of a website? I could extrapolate each of these things into multiple layers on how I feel and why I feel that way, but why does, hell, why should, anybody care? For that matter, what is it inside of me that feels so obligated to keep track of this life of mine? What makes me feel so special that I need to keep record of it? I've been doing this since I was in high school; my passion to do it doesn't seem to be calming down, either. With this writing, coupled with my art and photography, I feel some sense, some purpose, some obligation, to record all of this down. For what reason, I simply don't know. I just know that it's always been a part of me. And it's as if someday, the answers and reasons for this path, will somehow be explained. I know it in my bones. This is what I was meant to do. This is who I am. For some greater reason, I feel as if I was meant to add to the collective discussion that's going on out there...in that big world around all of us. That's all for now. Monday's Playist: 1. The Police - Every Breathe You Take: The Singles 2. The BoDeans - Joe Dirt Car, disc 1 3. In Time: The Best Of R.E.M. 1988 - 2003 4. Aerosmith - Big Ones 5. U2 - Achtung Baby |
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During one of the breaks, I showed Adam my drawing of Yoda from Tuesday's post. He got a kick out of the drawing so I decided to share with him a little story that happened to me a few years ago at the Chicago Field Museum.
The Yoda puppet was encased in a glass box. I was standing behind it when I noticed a little kid looking at the puppet. In my best Yoda impression, I grumbled, "Hard to breath in glass case, hmmm?" The kid's eyes widened. He tugged at him mom or dad's coat sleeve, and pointed to the puppet, amazed at what he'd just seen and heard. How could they keep that poor Yoda actor encased in a glass box?! Adam thought the story was the funniest thing in the world. I said a few more things in my Yoda voice, until I realized I was getting this kid a little too worked up for the art class. Even though he talked and was dressed quite mature, seeing his reaction to my Yoda schtick reminded me how young 13 really is. Then I thought to myself, how young am I (or do I act), at 32 (33 next week)?? For the last half of the poses, you could see he was getting antsy. He was beginning to mumble things under his breath imitating Yoda too, laughing at his own impersonations. I couldn't believe that by just joking around about Star Wars, I'd create a new friend. But I also couldn't believe how I had also created a monster, making the last few poses quite difficult to capture. This happens to me all the time with my nephews too. Last Saturday, I brought supper over to help celebrate my sister's birthday. I barely had to do anything, and the boys got all riled up. They always laugh, giggle, run around, and get all red in the face. And all I have to is react with them just slightly. Whenever I full-out play with them, they almost get too worked up. One of them always ends up laughing so hard until he wets his pants. I've always been good with kids; I can't wait to be a dad someday. But for now, I'll just have to be the fun uncle, which is a pretty awesome thing to be. I wonder, though, he mature can one be when acting this way? So last night, much like any time spent with my nephews, I got poor Adam a bit too worked up. I don't think my fellow students minded too much, but I did feel a bit embarrassed that I was partially to blame for this. Perhaps Adam wasn't the only 13 year old in the room last night. That's all for now. Today's music: U2 - The Best of 1990 - 2000 |
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My sister's been having some major pain in her knees and joints. Earlier this week, her arms and legs were covered with a rash. According to the doctor, she has something called fifths disease. I guess it's some viral thing that will run its course over the next week or so before she's back to normal. I've never heard of such a thing. My mom's face, meanwhile, has broken out in pussy boils. It looks like an extreme case of acne or a rash of sorts. I guess she has something called lymphonoma (I think that's what it's called, but the definition for it sounds much more serious that it is). Mom works at a grocery store and probably caught it from somebody in the public. The doctor gave her some salve which should clear it up over the next few days. She's taken off the rest of the week as she's embarrassed to be seen. It is pretty nasty looking. I wonder how much of all of this hasn't been brought on by stress? Dad's feet still hurt. He went to the doctor earlier this week to get more testing done on his nerves. They did some extensive testing that included taping probes to him and sending some strong shocks through the probes. Because of Dad's diabetes, he's acquired some damage to the nerves in his feet and is beginning to have some circulation problems in his hands. From the sounds of it, this damage should be temporary (as in months, though, not weeks). His nerves as weak, but over time, things should get back to normal. Last week, the doctor changed his medication. Now it's all a matter of the doctors playing chemist until they get the right combinations that work. Everybody's a bit on edge right, but spirits aren't down. I joked with Mom and Dad tonight that our family's turning into a sick ward. Our main concern right now is to get Dad back on track. We all just want everybody to be healthy and be able to live our lives. Meanwhile, I feel strong healthy. When I got home tonight I ran. Possibly in spite of all the doctor visits that my family is making, I ran. I ran fast, strong, and hard. As Forrest Gump says "I WAS RUN-NING." It felt good to sweat and clear my head. So much has been thrown at my family this year already. I never imagined 2004 to be this way. But in light of my sister's friend's Mom who passed away a month after a cancer diagnosis, we know that it could be worse. But as I said, spirits aren't down. Things could be better, that's for sure. But it's almost as if a certain sense of reality has sunk in...We're simply just tired of feeling sorry for ourselves. There's been so much shit going on and thrown our way. Hopefully we can all find some strength. For me, oddly enough, I'm really just a spectator in all of this, and at times, that feels worse. I wish there was more I could do. But maybe right now, they really just need me to stay strong and healthy. So sometimes, all I can do is run. I guess that's all for tonight. Wednesday's Playist: 1. Z Brando's 30th Bday Bash 2. Justin Timberlake - Justified |
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I hung out tonight with my friends Todd and Brandon to watch 24. God, is that show getting intense. As the true friends that they are, they put up with American Idol for me as well. It's quite humorous watching this show with my male friends, vs. watching it alone or with my mother. When I watch it with my friends, it gets pretty brutal. All we do is rip the contestants apart. I found it funny that we all criticized what a few of the women were wearing. We made a point to talk about the Brewers right after that to make sure the testosterone was still flowing! We also watched some of Episode II on Todd's kick ass TV and sound system. We're already beginning to geek out for Episode III which comes out next year at this time. What an eclectic group we are. Even though this summer is going to be quite busy, it's nice to feel like I have my nights back to myself. Tonight was great fun. I'm so glad to have some of the friends that I do. That's all for now. Tuesday's Playist: 1. Bob Marley and the Wailers - Legend 2. Dido - No Angel 3. Dido - Life For Rent 4. Rufus Wainwright - Want One |
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In the past few months, this CD project has taken over my life. My apartment is in shambles. I have dishes, mail, laundry, and dirt piling up. I'm tired of living in a pigsty. I haven't ran or worked out since around the time Dad got sick and this CD entered my life either. Between not working out and eating less-than-healthy and on the run all of the time, I've been feeling like a pig who fits right in these cluttered surroundings. I'm at that stage where I'm tired of feeling, looking, and living like this. I'm so ready to do something about it. When I got home from work, I was able to enjoy Mother Nature for awhile and cut my grass. This is the first I've felt her touch in quite some time. It felt good to sweat and smell the mixture of fresh cut grass and fumes from the lawn mower. When my yard work was complete, I did my normal run, feeling quite out of shape, needing to walk much of the time. How easy it is to fall out of things so quickly... After my run, I started cleaning. I still have much to do but got much done. I'd like to treat this like I'm in the process of moving. This is the longest I've lived in a place (four years already!). Usually, after a couple of years I move on. In a move, I usually end up tossing out a bunch of the shit I somehow acquire. Most of it is of little value and is nothing more than junk and clutter. Lately, I've noticed my pack rat tendencies and am sick of it. I want to clean house, organize, and not feel like such a slob anymore. I want my home to be as orderly as my space is at work. Of course, that's what I say now.... The sketch on the right, by the way, was done in a company staff meeting. Our HR director was talking about some insurance law called HIPPA. Why is it, by the way, that every damn thing from Human Resources has some damn acronym? They even have one for a Short Term Disability benefit. They call it our STD. Are they so wrapped up in acronyms, which I guess are supposed to somehow save us time, that they don't see the humor in having one called an STD? But I digress (and feel a rant coming on). Anyway...The moment this woman starts talking, my mind starts wandering. From HIPPA, I started drawing hippos, the hippo lead me to a pig, etc. I had this drawing on my desk to remind me to fill out the HIPPA paperwork (which I still haven't done yet either), and thought it would work well with a post called This Little Piggy. That's all for now. Monday's Playist: 1. Tracy Chapman - Telling Stories 2. Vanessa Carlton - Be Not Never 3. The White Stripes - Elephant 4. They Might Be Giants - Flood |
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The majority of the design is composed of photos from the band. I'll post some images of all the final design elements in a later post. The majority of it was created in a program called Adobe Illustrator. I have a knack for this kind of design and really enjoyed doing it. But it was nice to have a panel of my own, "Gary's Choice" as the band called it, to do something purely in my style, something that really makes me tick. I even hid a spider in this drawing, like I do in every one of my drawings, really adding to that personal element. Initially, they'll be printing up a thousand of these CDs. That blows my mind. My name and this web address is on the acknowledgements page and the inside credits. That's a pretty awesome thing. It's going to be pretty cool for me when I get a final copy of the disc, to have a professionally printed, studio mixed CD on my shelf of 800+ that is designed by me! Looking at the CD, which is something I'm extremely proud of, got me to thinking of the importance of album art. It's really the immediate recognition one has for an album. I think of some of my favorite CD covers, how I consider them art. The Beatles have so many, Sgt. Pepper..., Revolver, Rubber Soul, Yellow Submarine, Abbey Road, and The Anthologies 1-3 (if you line them up all together, they form one large scene); Dark Side Of The Moon and The Wall by Pink Floyd; U2's The Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby and Zooropa, George Michael's Listen Without Prejudice; Def Leppard's Pyromania and Hysteria; Madonna's True Blue (the cover photo is by one of my favorite photographers, Herb Ritts) and Ray Of Light; Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road; Duran Duran's Rio (the cover was designed by one of my favorite graphic artists, Patrick Nagel); Purple Rain and Sign O The Times by Prince, London Calling by the Clash, Rusted Root's When I Woke, Eminem's The Marshall Matthews LP. Tori Amos, Beck, and The White Stripes have always had interesting designs too. These are just a few off of the top of my head. Hell, I even remember Air Supply's Greatest Hits which had an awesome colored pencil drawing of the group on the cover. And then of course, there's Clear Blue Betty's Never Been A Rebel. :) Even when the artist's want to let the music do the talking, and they take the simplistic approach, it's still a memorable piece of art. Prince, Metallica, and Jay-Z all had their versions of The Black Album, with a completely black album cover. The Beatles album called The Beatles is better known as The White Album because of it's plain white cover. Truly a classic. Then, of course, there are those artists who seem to make living out of albums with bad covers. There's a Carly Simon album out there with such a ridiculously bad cover, you'd swear a two year old did it. That one tops my list. Joni Mitchell has a bunch of really bad ones too. Christy Brinkley, who was married to Billy Joel at the time, painted the cover for his River Of Dreams. She should have stuck to infomercials. And R.E.M., who is one of my favorite bands next to U2 and the Beatles, has never had an album cover out that hasn't looked like it's been designed by the high school year book committee. In the end, of course, we remember the music more so than the cover, especially in this age of downloading and burning copies. I've got a ton of music from the past few years that I have no idea what the cover art even looks like, nor do I care. Music, obviously, can exist without the artwork. But as a fan of music my entire life, it's hard to deny album design as an art form. Perhaps in this age where image is more important than music, it's becoming a dying art form. Instead of some unique design that complements or even adds to the music, the music companies resort to high gloss, vanity shots of the artists that look dated after five years. Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, and Mariah Carey have always appeared on the covers of their albums, in some sexed-up, Maxim-ready photo. Much like their music, the design has no content either. As a fan of music, this CD project was a dream come true for me. Adding my little signature to something that will now be part of the music collective out there, even in the smallest sense, is a fuckin' cool thing. Let me hear from all of you out there. Who are your favorite artists? What are your favorite, or at least the most memorable, album covers that you can think of? That's all for now. Sunday's Playist: 1. Various selections from The Lord of the Rings trilogy 2. Celine Dion - All The Way...A Decade Of Song 3. Celine Dion - A New Day Has Come 4. Celine Dion - One Heart 5. U2 - The Best of 1990 - 2000 |
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This reminds me of the Christmas before last, when I made a video for my family consisting of all photos from our albums throughout the years. It had every picture from Mom and Dad's wedding album, almost all of our school pictures growing up, and hundreds of other photos from the years. I scanned in and cleaned up (via Photoshop) over 600 photos. With the help of my friends Brandon and Mark, I imported all of the photos into FinalCut Pro, a professional video editing program. I added motion to all of the pictures, edited them all together with crossfades and other transitions. It had a real professional look. It was set to 13 or 14 songs from the past few decades. The video, which I burned to DVDs for my family, ended up being almost and hour long. When I think of the amount of time I spent on that video project, almost 3 months solid, from finding photos, putting them in order, finding the right music, and then editing it all together, it blows my mind. I was completely submersed in that project. That's all that seemed to exist. It was my weekends, my nights, my days off of work. This CD project for my friends is small beans compared the monolith that became "The Story of Us." I know I have a tendency to completely lose myself in projects. I'm a real stickler for the little details. I kill myself over perfection. I understand that there's always a time for compromise; there's always a time to let a project go, accept the small mistakes that only I see. And to be honest, once I let it go, in my mind, it's done. It is was it is. These projects become my children. I nourish and devote all of my time to them. But then when their time is up, I'm happy to see them leave. I'm excited to have all of my spare time back again. When I finished the video project, it felt like I had complete freedom. It's a great feeling. This past week, I've been feeling quite stressed, quite tied down by this little project. I almost didn't go to my art class Thursday night. I didn't know if I had anything left. I was physically and mentally wiped out. But for that very reason, I made sure I went to my class. I worked late on my project, and got to class almost 30 minutes late, but at least I was there. I had little patience by that point in the night. The last thing I wanted to do was focus on anything any longer. I had no focus left. I was tired of thinking about small details and the attempt at perfection. So instead, I got out one of my ink pens, and just went wild on the paper. The drawing vaguely resembles the model, but that didn't matter to me. I just needed to unwind and create and release. I didn't allow myself to stop and think, I just let the pen find its way. When I added the color, I gave it the same approach. Perhaps I was inspired by the Monets I saw in Chicago last weekend. Maybe it was simply the cheap colored pencils I was using. The color in this drawing added a completely new, almost psychedelic element to the work. I felt like I was connecting with a deeper part of my artistic self, one that didn't have time to obsess. I feel so fortunate that I have the ability to escape from life for a while. I think it's awesome that whether I'm being creative all day long for a project at work, or working on the Clear Blue Betty CD for my friends, I'm able to escape one type of creativity with another. I love that fact that I can be a graphic designer at one moment, and if that starts wearing me down, I can escape into drawing or painting as well. Inspiration and creativity are like old friends to me, and a part of me I wouldn't trade for the world. That's all for now. Saturday's Playist: 1. U2 - Pop 2. Rufus Wainwright - Want One P.S. Be sure to check the April archives. It was another busy, full month. Each month, these pages take on a life of their own. When one door opens... |
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If you any questions, comments, or requests, you can contact me at: |
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The Strong Little
Soldier
One
Of Many
As
I was drawing, I couldn't help but ponder over the events of
the past few weeks. I thought about my friends and all of the
different relationships I have around me. As I switched from
my first drawing, done in pen and ink, to the longer sketch done
with a soft pencil in a very delicate style, I realized that
my art is very much like the relationships I have in my life.
The
many facets that art has in my life is quite similar to the relationships
I have as well. I've never been one to have one huge group of
friends. I've got many smaller groups, all with extremely different
personalities, all, I suppose, that reflect a different aspect
of my personality. I've got my art friends who understand my
journey in life as an artist and inspire me to push myself. I've
got my techie friends, who are into this whole world of computers,
digital photography, websites, DVDs, blogs, iPods, video games,
etc. I've got my pop culture savvy friends, who geek out with
me about things like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings,
the Oscars, Grammies, U2, Coldplay, MTV, VH1, The Family Guy,
music trivia, etc. I've got my friends who like to party, hang
out, get alittle crazy, and just have a good time. Conversely,
I have friends who push me and inspire me with issues about God,
faith, spirituality, and religion. Of course, much like with
my art, I know that there are many intricacies, sub-groups, and
much overlapping within each group. The second I try to really
label some of these groups, they exceed previous expectations
or create new ones. Again, the possibilities are endless.
Never Been A Rebel
I
had a few weird dreams about things not turning out, about a
bunch of huge printing flaws being part of the final piece, with
nothing I could do about it. For the most part, I put it out
of my mind. With the deadline for this disc, with the band getting
their shipment of CDs three hours before their release
party, there was no other way to really do it. It's funny, though,
how the subconscious mind keeps track of things, and doesn't
let us forget. But in the end, everything turned out exactly
as I expected (with only a few miniscule flaws that only I will
notice). This is technically my first real four-color piece.
It worked out better than I could have imagined. I think now
I'll be able to sleep a little more sound at night, truly feeling
that this project is over and done with.
The
music on the CD is much better than I expected as well. I had
a rough demo of some of the songs that was recorded in their
home. It's awesome to hear the professionally produced and mixed
versions of these songs. It's all I've been listening to. I wonder
if it's as good as I think it is, or if I'm just being impartial
because of my involvement in the project and the fact that this
is my friends' band. Who knows or cares?
Flying Without Wings...
Turn
The Beat Around
A Few
Moments In The Sun
This
is the fifth wedding that I've stood up in. This time around,
I had the duties of being an usher. I've been in a few weddings
before where I felt that I was nothing more than there to fill
the suit and a spot for the pictures. But this time around, I
felt extremely welcomed and like I really belonged to this group.
I was invited into things with open arms and very much felt like
an important part of the day.
And,
damn, I looked good in that tux.
There
was a point in the night, where I was talking to a few of the
attendants, when I realized that they only knew a few of the
other people at the wedding. For a guy who was once painfully
shy, it was a pretty good feeling, being surrounded by so many
friends and knowing so many people.
The
night had many highlights for me. I spent much time dancing with
and getting to know Nate's sister, Niki. I also got a chance
to hang out more with the best man, Carl, and his girlfriend,
Abby, both new to the Appleton area. I feel like with the three
names just mentioned, I've forged some great new relationships.
Way cool.
Yes,
I admit it; I'm a huge MJ fan. I have all of his stuff. When
I was a kid, I was totally obsessed with the guy. As an adult,
I'm quite aware of his eccentricities. I know that the guy's
a big ol' freak. But I can't deny what his music means to me
in my life. When I was a kid, I spent much time in front of the
mirror, learning his every move. The poppin' and lockin'. The
spins, landing on my tippy toes. And of course, the moonwalk,
with all of its variances; sideways, frontwards, in a circle.
It's crazy. And the really interesting part about all of this
(or perhaps lame, depending on your perspective), is that
I've gotten quite good over the past couple of decades. When
I go out, I've always loved to dance. If they play "Thriller"
or "Billie Jean," I'm always doing my little schtick,
with little to no provoking. Apparently, I've done this in front
of Kim and her friends once before. At the rehearsal dinner,
they all told me I had to do the Michael Jackson moves at the
wedding. I always play coy and act like I don't want to do it.
It's almost the "Shucks ma'am" type of thing. But deep
inside, I was already enjoying the attention. Little did I know,
a few of my friends ambushed me, and had the DJ play three
MJ songs in a row. And as usual, there I was, in the center of
a circle of people, doing my thing, loving and hating every moment
of the spotlight. I pulled out every trick in my hat. Every move
from every video I could think of. I couldn't help it. Many of
my coworkers were surprised to see me bust it like I did. They
saw me in a new light. But I didn't hear too much shit about
it today. Most people said I was really good. Way cool. Hee
hee. It's funny; much like some of the events of my birthday
week, this shy guy doesn't mind a few moments in the sun.
Another Friday off of work, another lazy
morning. I sit here in this apartment perfectly quiet. No music,
no TV. Just the sound of my naughty cat going about his daily
business, the soothing sound of raindrops, and the occassional
car passing by. There's nothing better than waking up to quiet
rain. It serenades this groggy soul on a morning off.
My Ascension Up
Mount Doom
Frodo falls, lying on the rocky ground. His
breathing sounds wearisome. He lifts his face and watches the
fiery peak of the volcano. With a cry, he grits his teeth and
summons up his last piece of strength and starts to crawl. He
clutches onto rocks and pulls himself forward, crawling past
Sam who is also lying on the ground. Finally Frodo is spent,
and sinks down near Sam, pressing his cheek against the rocks,
closing his eyes.
The Old Ball And
Chain
Flowers
To The Right
Friday night I had dinner with a group of
coworkers, their spouses, and some of their kids. I've written
about this group of coworkers a few times now, and how I've known
many of them the entire 10 year run at my job. It's great seeing
their families grow and change. Over the past couple of years,
there's been a few other coworkers added to that group. The friendships
I have with these people are all quite special to me. I was glad
to be able to enjoy another birthday dinner with these
fine folks. Dinner, by the way, was at my favorite pizza place,
Stucs, which in my mind, has the best calzones in the
world! A good, casual time was had by all.
After
dinner, I rushed to Green Bay to meet another group of friends.
We whooped it up pretty good that night, dancing and drinking
the night away. It was one of those nights where the next thing
I knew, I had an almost empty wallet and it was 3:30 in the morning.
I had no intentions of driving home, so it was great being able
to let 'er rip!
We
chilled out at Nate's place for awhile in the sun, shooting the
breeze and having a few cocktails. It was a nice to sit back
and catch my breath for a moment. I knew this bachelor party
was going to make for a long day. It started out at a bar in
Appleton, then a Timber Rattlers baseball game (although I didn't
see a single play of the game!), and then a partial College Avenue
pub crawl. I couldn't believe all of the bachelorette parities
out last night, which always makes for an interesting evening.
Good hearted fun was had by all, and before I knew it, it was
3:30 in the morning (again!). For me, the day was a mixture of
Southern Comfort and Cokes, ballpark beer and popcorn, and a
slew of Coronas with lime. It was a fun bachelor party without
any major drama.
Eyes Are Always
Smiling
The
drawing I did of him on the right doesn't exactly capture what
he looks like. But with the colors I threw at it, I felt like
I captured the spirit or the interesting fellow.
Baby, I'm A Star
Just
Dandy
The Precious Fight
For Control
Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I'm quite
passionate about it. So I guess, when I hear something that I
think is such complete bullshit, I can't help but get mad. To
be honest, I never thought of myself as having a temper until
a few years into my job. I know I have to learn to accept the
things I can't change, and not let the other things, those other
fools, get under my skin. That's easier said than done, of course.
Another
Part Of Me
The Kid Inside
A
few friends and I went to see an exhibit of Star Wars
memorabilia. The show had miniatures used in special effects
shots, costumes used in the movies, props from sets, preliminary
artwork from the production side of things, and my favorite piece
of all, a full sized rubber Yoda puppet.
A Family Affair
The Light Side
This Little Piggy
That
Should Cover It
No Time For Obsession
