This morning at work, feeling slightly invigorated by last night's performance, all of the pieces of a project I've been working on fell together. We managed to launch another new product this month, beating our self-proclaimed deadline of tomorrow. This was a huge piece to get off my plate and weight off of my shoulders, making the other four or five projects waiting in the wings a little more manageable. I am quite burned out these days, but still kicking some serious ass. I'll be quite ready to fly out to Arizona next week Thursday to get away from work for a few days and visit my friends.

I just got back from playing photographer for work. I had to go to a scholarship dinner given by a local technical school. My company gave a couple scholarships to a few deserving students. It was good to do some photography, work with the community, and have a nice meal. But boy, is it late and am I ever spent for the week.

I wanted to touch on one other thing tonight....I noticed that every few days or weeks, I do a post that gets some really passionate comments from you people. My previous post about wanting to be a parent someday really struck a nerve with some of you out there. I'm floored by the outreach of this blogging community and the people who read my blog. I'm amazed at how open and honest some of you are with your comments to me, really adding a new dimension to these words that I choose ever-so-carefully. When I posted about taking guitar lessons a couple weeks ago, many of you chimed in, really adding food-for-thought to my decision. It's a pretty amazing thing. I made a commitment to be quite open and giving of myself with this journal when I decided to open up theses pages up to this internet community. I never thought in a million years that you all would give back and be equally as open. Thank you!

That's all for tonight. I'm tired and need to go to bed.

Thursday's Playlist:

1. Damien Rice - O

2. Madonna - Confessions on a Dancefloor

3. Jack Johnson & Friends - Sing-a-Longs and Lullabies for the Film Curious George

4. James Blunt - Back to Bedlam

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As we drove past a cemetery, the younger of the two boys (the four year old) explained to his older brother (who is six) that a cemetery is where people's bodies go when they die, as their "heads" go up to be with the angels. The conversation seemed so innocent and pure, void of any deep theological debate (quite the opposite of my philosophical meanderings with my liberal friends less then a day before). The song on the radio chirped "Do you believe in magic" and I couldn't help but have a smile on my face.

We arrived at the oh-so-good but quite-the-dive mom-and-pop pizza place. I took the boys in with me as we waited for our order. I lifted them both up to see over the high counter, to see how the pizzas were being made and all the various vats of cheese and different toppings. I showed them a guy spinning balls of dough into flat pies before running them through a machine that completely flattened them out. As they looked on in wonderment, the pushy (but proud) Italian owner barked to his young worker "Give them some dough!" The young guy in charge of dough-duty asked them if they could catch, and tossed them each a medium-sized ball of pizza dough. You would have sworn they won the lottery.

The entire drive home, the topic of conversation was pizza: how you eat it, how you make it, and how you bake it. Up until this point, their exposure to pizza was putting a frozen one in the oven or picking it up in a cardboard box, already made and ready to eat. I was amazed at the excitement these two balls of dough created, and how quickly the topic of cemeteries and angels became ancient history to pizza crust and sauce.

I realize that their lives are still so incredibly small. Each experience they have adds to the awareness of a much greater world. That's the beauty of kids. So many of their experiences are new discoveries, ideas, colors, tastes, and smells. I felt proud to have added a small slice (pun intended) to their lives, to their bigger picture. I know part of my being one of the "cool uncles" is to add to those experiences.

When I got home last night, I felt a bit of a bitter-sweetness to my day. I felt the intense joy and love I have for the them, but a tinge of sadness -- an incompleteness -- that at this phase in my life, I only can experience that wonderment through the eyes of the cool uncle. I'm at a stage in my life where I want more. I definitely want kids someday. That's the horrible irony of my life, how awkwardly single I am, and yet how good I am with kids and how good I will be with my own someday.

But until that happens (or if the stork drops one on my doorstep someday (and I haven't ruled out adoption and being a single dad if I'm still not married in 10 years or so)) I have to make the most of my own world. This is a time in my life where there's so much to live and see and experience. Wonderment doesn't have to be limited to a four and a six year old and a trip to the pizzeria

So perhaps, this sense of incompleteness I have, coupled with my persistence to find that deeper sense of wonderment, has created a sense of wanderlust in me. It's forced me to seek out art and guitar lessons, travel to Ireland and visit friends in Arizona (next week), Minneapolis, Madison, and Chicago, and keep my mind open to a much larger world than that just outside of my front door and frozen pizzas.

I'm amazed at what one can learn, watching children. In the grand scheme of things, I'm just one big kid yet myself.

Monday's Playlist:

1. Howard Shore - Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

2. Howard Shore - Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

3. Howard Shore - Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

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Friday night, I treated myself to The Return of the King. I just recently discovered a new iMax-type of theater around here. As well as the educational movies they play during the day for students, they run what they call their "Greatest Movies" series on the weekends. The last three weekends, they've been playing all of the Lord of the Rings movies in order. I absolutely love those flicks. It's been great seeing them all on the big screen again, and this time around on an iMax screen with a stunningly amazing sound system.

After having such a rough work week (which even spawned a frustrating work-related dream/nightmare this morning), it was really good to escape my stress, which I've unfortunately allowed to follow me home each night. I was in a pretty fowl mood by the end of the week. I treated myself to a bunch of much-needed alone time before the movie -- I drove around downtown with some U2 cranked on my car stereo, had some chia tea and a big slice of chocolate cake at a coffee shop, and a couple of black-and-tans at my favorite mellow bar, Dr. Jekylls-- and kind of worked through my pissy mood. By the time the movie was over, as Frodo sailed into the west haing saved MIddle-Earth, things seemed right in my world again too.

Last night, my friends Jim and Linda, who currently live in Madison, were in town. We had dinner at a great brewery (with an amazing selection of microbrews) and then many Guinesses late into the night at cool Irish pub in Green Bay. The conversation seamlessly flowed from art and music to spirituality, politics, friends, and family.

I've missed sinking my teeth into a good political and intellectual discussion over a few strong beers. Last night was just the night.

Jim and his wife are the kind of friends that always get me started considering moving to a bigger and more liberal city. I get frustrated with how conservative this area is. I'm one of the only liberal people in my office, and at times, that gets pretty frustrating as well. Whenever I spend time with my liberal group of friends, things just seem spot on. I think they understand me quite well as we share such similar beliefs about politics, family, art, and the state of the world. I find a real satisfaction in just syncing up with such a wonderful group of like-minded and open-minded people. When I got home from my Saturday night on the town, I felt such a wonderful sense of sastisfaction.

Although I didn't get anything done around the house this weekend, I feel like I've really recharged my batteries for what looks to be another busy week ahead. Oh well. I'll take the smiles when I can get them.

Have a great week!

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On the positive side, all four days of jury duty were cancelled for me this week. That's something I guess.

So in an effort to cheer myself up, I'm posting another drawing I did after class last week at the bar with my friends. Gosh, the chick who sat for me was a stunning blonde who normally wouldn't give a guy like me a shot in hell. Most of these quick, bar sketches remind me of fun and good times with my friends. I had a great night on St. Patty's Day as well because of my friends last week. I'm going to let my mind ponder on those moments instead of said bad day.

I'm going to end this tonight with a some lyrics to a cool song that's been around since last summer but has been really on fire lately. It's called "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. Minimonster over at her site wrote about kind of the same thing a few nights ago -- I told her to try to listen to this song and still feel bad. It's a great song. And after listening to it, I do feel better! Crank it up on your iPods, people, and smile.

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Wednesday's Playlist:

1. Real Time with Bill Maher - Episode 64

2. Prince - 3121

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As a good contrast to what I do, the pen and ink drawing in the previous post took around 2.5 hours. It was all about planning, precision, making some real choices, and fine-tuning the work. Meanwhile, the drawing in this post took me about 15 minutes and was done in a poorly lit, smoky bar with a shitty pencil. What I like about doing these quick drawings is how utterly intuitive they are. It's really not about thinking or planning at all. It's just about doing, following my gut, listening to and acting upon my creative and artistic instincts.

When it comes to my art and graphic design, I've always followed my intuition. I rarely agonize over multiple designs or obsess about all kinds of little details. Granted, I do spend time pondering on different ideas and approaches -- in my head, that is -- usually while I drive, shower, sleep, or workout. But when I need to call upon my actual design skills, it's there. All of the little details always just kind of happen and work themselves out. It's as if I can pre-visualize a final design or drawing in my mind's eye. Once it's somehow been harvested there, I'm more or less a conduit for the art and just need to kind of release it, if that makes any sense. Perhaps because I don't allow myself to ponder on many various artistic ideas, work up all kinds of different examples with subtle nuances, or work myself into a design tizzy, I'm a weaker artist. I know some of my colleagues certainly think so. But after drawing my whole life, going to college for and becoming degreed in art, and working in my profession as a designer for over 12 years, I'm at a stage in my career where I try not to second-guess myself beyond the basic planning stages. Some might see that as arrogance, I see it as a necessary part of being successful. Believe in yourself like you'd expect those around you to believe in you.

I feel like my greatest artistic strength is my intuition. I've seen too many people become paralyzed by too many choices and never move beyond the concept stage. I've seen too many people take into account too much outside design input and loose any of their individuality, creativity, and style. Steve Jobs at Apple (one of my heroes) once said "Real artists ship." Way to go Steve. If I ever have my own design firm, I'm going to call it "Seat of My Pants Design." That's really how I'm most effective.

I've had lots of luck with my intuition, whether it was choosing a college, buying a car, picking a place to live, finding the drawing classes I'm currently taking simply out of the blue, or even now, with this decision to learn guitar. I have to go with my gut. It's been good to me so far.

Monday's Playlist: U2 - Zooropa: Live in Dublin, The Homecoming Concert

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The first guy who I really liked that I talked to had more of a classical approach to it. He was more about learning theory, reading music, and practice, practice, practice. He had pre-set lesson plans and was all about a regiment. His goal was for me to end up as an accomplished guitar player who can play anything.

The other guy I talked to was more about just learning to have fun. He was about adjusting a lesson to suit my needs and to be as aggressive or as laid back as I'd choose them to be. His goal was for me to have fun, start learning songs that I like as soon as possible, and get me to be able to really hear music, figure out what's going on in the songs I like, and translate that onto my guitar and eventually into my own music if I so choose. My take on this dude was that his goal was to just get me doing it so I can start to have fun.

I really enjoyed talking to both instructors. I can see pros and cons of both of their teaching styles. I have lots of thinking to do where this choice is concerned. I really have to decide what is right for me and what my ultimate goals are for this.

As I drew the model the other night, I noticed the different approaches the students in the room all took. There was the one group of artists that are all going through the masters program. They all took a very analytical, technical approach in their painting. Nothing was good enough. There were some people who were quite settled in their approach, just there to be and do and enjoy. I realized that for me, with my liberal arts degree, I've learned many styles and approaches, and feel luckily that I can pick or choose those approaches when I see fit.

For some reason, whenever I draw this particular model, I always go into comic book mode. I'm not sure what it is about her. But as I was doing my pencil drawing, I noticing my approach was to focus more on various line weights and subtle cross-hatching rather than focusing on actual shading. I decided to treat this fully in my comic book style. I even pushed it to get out the old pen and ink and rendered over the pencil drawing which was eventually completely erased and simply more of map for the final drawing. I haven't done much in this style lately, and it felt good to go that route.

As I drove home, I thought about how I picked a certain broader style (I obviously can't deny my individual style which is almost always present regardless of the medium I choose) simply based on a whim or some intangible quality about the model which guided me in that direction. In some odd way, that drawing class just added fuel to the fire and more information to my decision about the right guitar lesson instructor. What way do I want to learn? Just have fun? To choose a playing style on a whim and dictate the lessons? That's basically what I did Thursday night in my drawing class. Or do I want a more regimented approach, like I did way-back-when in those freshman days of my college youth, when I spent entire semesters wondering why the heck am I doing this before the theories behind it made sense years later?

I know my friends going through the regimented art program didn't seem to be having much fun, but will certainly end up with a stronger skill set in the end. It seemed like they didn't stop beating themselves up at all. But which way is for me? I'm going to ponder on this for a week or so before I make a final decision. Luckily, with either teacher, I'm not stuck in any type of contract or anything.

Ah, drawing and music. Music and drawing. It all seems to make perfect sense together.

Have a great rest of the weekend! And now....off to the movies!

Saturday's Playlist: Clear Blue Betty - Never Been A Rebel

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Continuing on the social front, tomorrow night I have plans to go out for St. Patty's Day, go out for supper, see my friends' band, and party it up. It's been a couple months since I've hung out with that group of friends, and we all need to kick back a few.

I'm not sure where sleep is going to fit into the next 48 hours!

Happy St. Patty's Day in advance! Hell yeah I'm Irish! :)

Thursday's Playlist:

1. U2 - How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

2. Jack Johnson & Friends - Sing-a-Longs and Lullabies for the Film Curious George

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Also, drawing one of the most beautiful women I've seen in a long time for almost three hours can never be a bad thing either. Whenever there's a pretty model, I feel all giddy and humble and turn into a quiet school boy again. What intangible power do these women have that can turn me into mush? I so needed that and am quite looking forward to heading back again this week. Ah, it's all good.

And with that, I've been doing some thinking...

I sit here with two guitars that I own, neither that I can play, string, or even tune. They are both missing strings quite dusty. I love, love, love music so much. In thinking about my drawing, I realize that I have almost 35 years of training and practice under my belt. It's what I do. It's how I define myself. But I think in the next few weeks, I'm going to start looking into the idea of guitar lessons. It might take a while to find the right teacher, if there even are lessons for somebody my age, but why the hell not? I mean, if I commit myself to learning an instrument, who knows where I'll end up in the next year, next five years, decade, or in 35 years from now? We are given so much time here on this planet, why the hell not go for it?

Maybe I will fail. Maybe I will find that I have no talent whatsoever. But who knows. I have to try. I know I have music in me. It's in my blood. It's in my family. It's a genuine passion in my life. I know I can create songs, I do that on my computer when given samples and rhythms to mold into my own. I know I have an ear for melody -- but now I want to do it outside of a computer, I want to do it the organic way with some strings on a guitar. Just like I always want to draw with a pencil on a piece of paper.

It's exciting, when I think about it. I have the rest of my life to build upon my art talent and to learn new ones. After slacking off on my workout the past week, it's good to revisit some of the thoughts I had with my New Years resolutions, and know that I'm still allowing myself room for self-improvement and keeping myself open to new things. Rock on indeed.

Today's Playlist: U2 - How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

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Thursday's Playlist:

1. Paula Abdul - Spellbound

2. Paul McCartney - Flaming Pie

3. The Beatles - Abbey Road

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So with that said, here's another quick post. I'm looking at it as a bit of an extension of the "me time" I never got over the weekend. So tonight (after American Idol), I plan on watching my new Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire DVD which I somehow never managed to catch in the theater. These things come to DVD so fast, that despite what they lectured peppered throughout the Oscars, I love watching a good flick in the comfort of my own home -- without the village idiots of the world sitting behind me talking the entire time. I rarely watch movies in the middle of the week, so this is a treat for me tonight. This Harry Potter series has some incredible wings....

"And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make...."

Tuesday's Playlist:

1. The Beatles - Let It Be

2. The Beatles - Anthology 3

3. Madonna - Confessions on a Dancefloor

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After I started those classes, I realized what a complete load of crap my excuse was.

The main group of us in the art class all seemed to have found or refound ourselves in that class. We all got on together quite well. The art class became a very social thing, which always ended up with margaritas after class. We jokingly called ourselves "The Green Bay Art League" out of fun and the excitement that we found our art and each other.

For me, the "art league" went hand-in-hand with the creation of this site. It fueled my passion and inspiration, and it awoke a part of me within me soul. It made me search out who I am as an artist, and find a validity in my style and approach to the world of art. It's made me who I am today and a better person because of it.

The rest of the "art league" became so inspired, that they took to studying painting in a masters type of program at a studio a hour away from here. It's an aggressive (and expensive) program, concentrating on making them master painters. They've all spread their wings and expanded above and beyond my wildest expectations. Their goal is to become successful studio painters, and there's no doubt in my mind that they will all explode on the local scene.

For me, becoming a painter just isn't my goal. I already have my art degree; I need to figure out where I want to push myself next. And that's where things fall apart. Because of the aggressive schedule for their program, they all had to stop going to the Tuesday and Thursday night sessions in Green Bay that I was a part of. The co-op which at one point was thriving with 12 people went down to just me and the guy who sets the program up. In a weird way, the art league moved on without me.

After attendance dropped in the co-op, I eventually stopped attending as well. I think the last time I made my way to that classroom was in early September. A few months later, I received a call that the program was on hiatus until more interest could be found. Bummer.

I'm bothered and saddened by this, but understand why it happened. My art friends had no choice -- they had to follow their dreams; I don't blame them at all. It just kind of sucks how it all had to play out, how different roads had to be taken. And in my typical fashion, I've somehow lost contact with these wonderful friends of mine and haven't talked to them in many months. My lame excuse now is that things just got busy for all of us. But like I said, bummer.

To be honest though, I'm not completely sure what to make of my hiatus from this art world. I have mixed feelings about it. It totally sucks not seeing these friends of mine, to not be drawing as much I had been, and that I don't feel like I'm pushing myself as much as I could be. But on the flip side, I don't miss the long drive to class each week or the money I spent on class and the drinks at the bar afterward. Also, I really like having my Thursday nights free. And although I really misses the truly social aspect of it (the margitas and the bar afterward), I don't miss getting home each Thursday night at 2:00 AM smelling like an ashtray and trying to function the next day at my job. Around the time I started missing class, my responsibilities at work really bulked up. At this stage in my life and my career, I just can't be staying out till the wee hours of the night boozing it up. I greatly miss the friendships, but not necessarily the nasty side-effects of the socializing.

I've said it before in these pages: the worst in me brings out the best. And vice versa I guess.

So now what?

Well, today I had a message on my machine from the guy who runs the co-op. He's going to try the Thursday night portrait sessions again. I won't be able to make it tomorrow night because of a prior commitment, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to head back to those Green Bay classes next week. One of my New Years resolutions was to recapture more of my art, and right now, I could use the push. I doubt that my friends will be there, as they're still doing their masters program. Although it won't be nearly as fun, it may just allow me to get home closer to 10:30 vs. 2:00 AM. Of course, my next thing on my to-do list has to be to get reconnect with those dear friends. It's been waaay too long.

Maybe my goal for this March is to get reconnected. In more ways than one.

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P.S. Be sure to check out the February archives. It was a full month. I've been making lots of new friends and the comments keep growing. I had a lot of activity on the rest of the site too. I reorganized the media pages, added a new podcast in the middle of the month, added another new book to the sketch book pages earlier in the month, and added a new storefront to the mix. This site of mine continues to grow. When one door opens....