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Taxes. Car registration. Spring house cleaning. Christmas shopping. Birthday, Mother's Day, and Father's Day presents. Performance review. Oil changes. Car wash. Teeth cleanings. Hair cuts. Pay the rent. Balance the checkbook. Bills, bills, bills. Groceries. Fill the car with gas. Complain about the price of it. Laundry. House cleaning. Garbage/recyclables. Yard work. Class. Draw my brains out. Philosophy about art. Best Week Ever. 24. American Idol. Real Time With Bill Maher. The Simpsons. (Okay, and The Surreal Life.) Check out new releases on iTunes. Hang out in the dorm room. Hang out with friends. Party my guts out. Nachos from the burrito place across the street. Visit the family - reassess priorities. Wake up. Hit snooze. Sleep some more. Shower, shit, shave. Drive. Listen to music. U2, U2, U2. Sing at top of my lungs. Work. Eat. Work. Workout. Live strong. Eat some more. Drive some more. Dishes. Check up on Michael Jackson Trial. Put heart on my sleeve, i.e. blog. Chat. Email. Surf. Watch TV. Read. Sleep. And people wonder where all the time goes? 1. U2 - Live at the RFK Stadium 9/16/92 2. U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb |
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Instead, I just wanted to touch on a topic that I seem to talk about on a weekly basis. Music. The power of music. I got home from my workout tonight feeling tired and defeated by a day that kicked my ass. But it was music that got me through the tough spots of my workout. It was music that made the drive home with building traffic manageable. And during dinner, when I watched some of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony, it was music, and the concept of music, that made me finally put the stress of the day behind me. Music gets me excited on a daily basis. It makes me want to dance and sing at the top of my lungs. Music's been a friend that's never let me down. There are times when life gets so hectic. But through it all, music is always the medicine. It's always the cure. That's all for tonight. Rock on. We've been together Only know wherever
I go Grab a song and
come along From Music And Me performed by Michael Jackson |
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My past few weeks and weekends have been quite hectic. So I've decided to make the most of this late March snow today, declaring it a snow day. Today's about relaxing, watching some TV and DVDs, and listening to music. I just got done watching Ray. It was awesome. I'm glad Jamie Foxx got the Oscar; he did an amazing portrayal of Ray Charles. The music in the movie was absolutely fantastic as well. Earlier today I got tickets for the September 25th U2 show in Milwaukee (don't worry Heather, I know that's the day after your wedding -- I'll still plan on being there!). This morning's ordeal was a lot less painful than what I went through in January to get tickets for the early May show. Within about 10 minutes this morning, I had my tickets. I would have got them in less than five minutes had I not screwed something up when I went did my initial ticket search. I still didn't get the coveted floor seats, which are right on top of the catwalk. I ended up with nosebleeds in the back corner. At least this time, they're not behind the stage. Looking at the seating chart, even though they are in the back corner, I think they're in the same location that I was in when I saw Paul McCartney back in 2002. Even though those were far away, they actually allowed me to see the entire stage show quite well (That McCartney show was completely amazing.). So actually, considering that this U2 concert sold out in less than 45 minutes, I'm pretty happy with the seats that I got. In typical TicketMaster fashion, though, they slapped over $10 of service fees on $50 tickets. That's a 20% additional cost on top of the ticket price. But if I want to see these shows, this is the only way to do it. They kind of got music fans by the short hairs. Mother fuckers. That's all for now. Enjoy the weather. :) Saturday's Playlist: U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb |
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Is it me, or do toll booths totally suck ass?? On an unrelated note...Tomorrow morning, tickets for the fall leg of the U2 Vertigo Tour 2005 go on sale for the Bradley Center in Milwaukee. Yeah, I'm seeing them in Chicago in May (gosh, that's less than two months away...), but I HAVE to see them again in the fall. I hope getting tickets tomorrow morning isn't the fiasco it was the last time. Mental note: U2's induction to the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame is on VH1 tomorrow night. I wonder if I'll ever get sick of that band? Also... The new Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith trailer is now available online. This looks like the coolest movie! This is the one all of us Star Wars geeks have been waiting for all these years! I'm totally stoked. I know I'll be writing much more on this movie in the coming weeks. Come on George, don't let us down... That's all for now. I'm beat. I'm so tired,
I haven't slept a wink You'd say I'm
putting you on From I'm So Tired by The Beatles Friday's Playlist: 1. Allison Kraus - Now That I Found You 2. The Beatles - The White Album 3. U2 - Live From Under The Brooklyn Bridge |
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It was nothing for our lunchtime discussions to go from the deeper meaning and theology of the Matrix movies, to the hidden religious meanings behind lyrics to a new U2 song. We were able to talk about things as far reaching as God or as close to home as the complexities of families, legacies, hierarchies, and dreams. I've probably shared with him some of my deepest, and at times, darkest concerns and fears about all the shit going on with my dad. He's been there for me for that entire time. I can't imagine going through this thing concerning my dad without Brandon by my side. In our time working together, I've helped him deal with the loss of his brother and witnessed his joy in becoming a new father. We've both experienced some pretty heavy shit together in the past few years. How can that not make two people grow closer? For as simple and as "pop-culture"-ish the friendship could sometimes be, it was almost always deep and meaningful and true. It's been one of my most fulfilling adult friendships. I've been meaning to write about his leaving in depth for quite some time. But I just couldn't bear to write the words... to say what, in effect, is my true farewell. It's been one of those things that is virtually impossible for me to perceive. I've cast it deep in the corners of my mind, not wanting to think or talk about it. It was hard for me to approach these pages tonight... I know we will remain friends; that's a given. But the absence... the void... it's hard for me to put into words. I know this post won't even come close expressing how I really feel. One of the things we always did was hang out together during lunch. If we didn't go out for lunch, we'd sit outside and have some deep conversation on the picnic tables behind the office when the weather was nice. During the cold or rainy months, we'd play DVDs in the video editing room. We called it the AV Club. First it was The Simpsons. Then for the longest while it was all U2 concerts that I brought in. Then the Lord of the Rings movies. Then The Long Way Round. Then the updated Star Wars DVDs. We started the Matrix trilogy but only got two thirds through before he left. It was always something. It would take us a month to finish just one movie. It was always a nice break on those days, though, just to turn my mind off and spend the time with my friend, always geeking out about one thing or another. I always looked forward to lunch. Well, today and yesterday at lunch, I sat by myself in my cubical reading The Gunslinger by Steven King. Taking part in a group lunch in the breakroom doesn't seem at all relaxing or a break from work to me. I crave deeper conversation or something that's not related to work or ESPN. For now, I sit by myself and feel the noticeable loss of my friend's departure. I never realized how much his leaving would affect my normal daily routine. Yesterday I actually walked over to his desk to tell him something, forgetting for a moment that he no longer worked there. It felt like a cruel, crushing surprise. I'm conflicted by just how great of an opportunity this is. His new job is going to be absolutely incredible. Being his friend, I have supported him 100%. But it's an odd feeling, supporting someone, knowing their final outcome will create of a huge, personal void in my life. It's one of those peculiar things I realize that as an adult, we're probably confronted with all the time. Putting our own feelings aside for that of a friend. Unselfishly supporting someone we care about. Knowing when an opportunity is too good to pass up, despite all that one will leave behind. Despite being one of those left behind. My farewell with Brandon last night, who, over the past three and a half years, has become one of my closest friends in the world, was a sad affair. I'm struck by how lost I feel, how different things feel. I know that's life. I know a friend is only a phone call, or in this day and age, an email or IM away. But I also know that it's not the same. It will never be the same. Those deep talks at lunch about music, movies, theology, or our own person problems will never be again. I'll never be able to recapture that. I wouldn't even want to try. I do feel extremely lucky to have developed this friendship over the past few years. I've always thought that there's only a small handful of people that I'll run into in this lifetime who'll end up affecting me so deeply, making me a better person. Brandon was one of those people. I certainly don't regret our friendship together, despite the distance and sadness that will now come. I'd do it all over again. So now I just have to allow myself some time to feel sad for my friend's departure, while remaining happy for this exciting next phase in his and his family's life. The phrase I've been using the past few weeks is that for me and my job, it's the end of an era. Things will never quite be the same. Of course, they never are. Ah life. What do you have in store for me next? "Farewell, my brave hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea comes the end of our Fellowship. I do not say 'do not weep' for not all tears are an evil." -- Gandalf the White, from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King "From the brightest star, comes the blackest hole" --U2 Crumbs From Your Table Tuesday's Playlist: 1. U2 - The Joshua Tree 2. Michael Jackson - Bad 3. Rufus Wainwright - Alright, Already (Live In Montreal) - EP 4. Keane - Hopes And Fears |
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On the positive side, I managed to listen to lots of music today. All by U2. At the moment, I'm getting pumped for tickets to go on sale next weekend for the fall leg of the Vertigo tour. If all goes as planned, I should be seeing my favorite band in May and September this year! Yeah, I got it bad. Anyway...that's all for now. Time is a train From Zoo Station by U2 Wednesday's Playlist: 1. U2 - Achtung Baby 2. U2 - Zooropa 3. Passengers - Original Soundtracks Vol. 1 4. U2 - Pop |
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Of course, this trickles into my art. On Thursday night, I created the image on the right. There are many things about the piece I don't like. I couldn't get the flesh colors to mix properly. I ran out of white. The mouth is crooked. The shape of the chin and jaw aren't finished and are incorrect. I ran out of time. Etc., etc., etc. A millions flaws, a million excuses. But that's the old me talking. The new (newer?) Gary loves this piece. Despite the mentioned flaws, I really don't want to spend any more time concentrating on them. In my mind, there's too much good in this piece to think about the bad. I love, love, LOVE the eyes in this drawing. Honestly, that's what they looked like. The model, Meagan, had the most piercing bluish-green eyes. I've never seen anybody's eyes actually sparkle like that either, even though I've always drawn them that way. I like the subtle treatment of the eyebrows and the beginnings of the hair. I like how I got the brow and the bridge of the nose. I think I drew a pretty good nose, too, which really seems to pop off of the page. Even though I didn't get the flesh tones exactly how I'd like them, I'm quite happy with my usage of the color pink and how nicely it contrasts with the greens. So there I go. There's me being positive. When I type these praises out, though, it feels extremely egotistical. But on the other hand, it also feels necessary for me to acknowledge my own progress. I wonder where the fine line is drawn from being self-congratulatory versus being an egomaniac? Also, why is it so hard for me to give myself a well-deserved compliment, but so incredibly easy to constantly be so damn self-deprecating? The way I try to look at it, there's enough critics in the world to bring us all down. Why the hell should I constantly be doing it to myself? That's all for now. Tuesday's Playlist: 1. U2 - All That You Can't Leave Behind 2. U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb 3. Rufus Wainwright - Want Two |
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The
Single Guy Monday's Playlist: 1. Coldplay - Parachutes 2. Keane - Hopes And Fears 3. Ben Folds - Rockin' The Suburbs 4. U2 - Live From Under The Brooklyn Bridge |
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It's interesting to see the different levels of experience in life and how people pass that experience on. Two of my closest friends are taking art classes right now, doing the career change as adults. They both want to pursue something in the art field. Around them, I feel like a mentor. They see me as somebody with 11 years of experience in my field, a degree in it, and somebody who's walked the walk. When I talk the talk with them about art, they listen to what I say. I've obtained a certain degree of the goal they're pursuing. It's a weird power shift. Even tonight at the grocery store, I was chatting with the bagger who's going to school for art this fall. I felt like I was a wealth of knowledge talking to him. In his mind, I've made it. I'm not sure when I became this guy! On Thursday nights, though, when I enter that art room, it all disappears. Mike is once again the mentor. I become, at most, the apprentice. My experience as an artist is miniscule to his. I've noticed with my job lately, too, a power shift has happened. I'm one of the people that others come to for answers. I help train co-workers. I help develop the product. When I started with the company, I was the youngest person there. Now there are people who are more than 10 years my junior. I can tell they look at and treat me differently than they do the others more their age or who have been with the company for shorter periods of time. I've noticed that I'm no longer "one of them," despite that fact that I'm not their boss or a supervisor of any kind. That structure, though, with mentors and apprentices, certainly exists there as well.
As I proceed with my early thirties, I'm realizing that I've reached a certain level in my talent, profession, and experience that many times places me in that mentorship role. But as I get older, and more well-versed in what I do, I also realize that there's always somebody, in the case of this post, my art "teacher" Mike, who always knows more than I do. No matter how good Obi-Wan Kenobi ever was, he could never shake a stick at Yoda. Wednesday's Playlist: 1. U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb 2. Michael Jackson - The Ultimate Collection 3. Keane - Hopes And Fears |
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When I spoke the other day, it was something I had it do for work. I really wasn't given a choice. I was going to have to get over my fear. Luckily, I was prepared. But more importantly, I knew what I was talking about. Inside and out. There was no bullshit in my presentation. I approached my speech like I do my writing: with complete honesty. I wasn't going to build anything up greater than it was. I wasn't going to make any promises or say anything that wasn't true. If I didn't know something, or have an answer to a question, I wasn't going to bullshit my way through it. I answered with an honest "I don't know." As I spoke, I found a confidence within myself. Perhaps the audience's positive response gave me that confidence. But a few of the comments on my speech were that a real passion for what I do came through. For the first time speaking in front of a group of people for that length of time, I didn't feel like I was in a fish bowl. I didn't feel crippled with fear and only aware of my brightly blushing face. Instead, I saw people in a room, some more interested than others. But I saw them as just that, people. I thought of the countless presentations I've sat through. I've never judged anybody if they fucked up one way or another. If anything, I could always empathize with them. During those times when I stammered my speech or lost my train of thought, I tried to place myself in that audience, knowing that people aren't always as judgmental as we make them out to be. When I screwed up, I thought to myself that they've all screwed up too. Thinking in those terms really evened out the playing field for me. I think that's where I found that confidence I needed to give the expressive presentation I knew I could always give. With my newfound confidence, I walked around the room more. I found myself pointing at a screen, holding up props, using hand gestures, and even joking with the audience. At times, I felt quite dynamic. I was somehow able to actually make eye contact with people and talk to them in relatively familiar, conversational terms. It was nice to feel totally comfortable in the front of a group. I was completely pumped up to proceed through six identical presentations, learning from each one. As I said yesterday, at times, I really felt like the master in command. Feeling so in control and like a complete subject-mater expert did my ego an incredible amount of good. I heard many positive comments from people over the course of the weekend. One person told me that I'll be the guy he remembers the most from the weekend. Another guy told me that my enthusiasm for my job made him jealous. Another dude talked to me three or four times, constantly saying how impressed he was. It was pretty damn good to hear. For me, being someone who is mostly tied to a desk all day, it was quite revitalizing to get such positive feedback from some of my most critical customers. But when I think about it, it didn't feel as much like positive feedback as it did respect. For me, that's what it's all about. That's all I'm really looking for in life. In a lot of ways, I feel like my experiences on Friday raised me up a bit, made me a better person, somebody who's able to do one more thing in life. I felt good about myself and proud about what I do. It was all good dawg. Tuesday's Playlist: Keane - Hopes And Fears (Okay people, believe the hype....go buy this album!!!!!) P.S. To the February archives... When one door opens... |
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If you any questions, comments, or requests, you can contact me at: |
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24/7/12/365
Whatever Gets Me Through
Snow
Day
Random Thoughts
From No Place Like Home Over A Peanut Butter Cup Cappuccino
The
Breaking Of The Fellowship
Zoo Station
The Eyes Have It
The
Apprentice
Master
In Command pt II