Socially, I was more of a recluse this year. The few strong relationships I have in my life only got stronger - quality not quantity rings more true every day.

I pulled back a bit from my family, simply to make dealing with certain issues easier. My love for my nephews gets stronger every day, though. I've realized the delicate balance between having my own life and dealing with the lives of those around me. I've learned that being more independent can also make one more capable to help.

I didn't draw or paint nearly as much this year as I would have liked to in 2005. I created music, wrote more, created podcasts, and messed around with digital photography more than ever. My creativity took an all-inclusive plunge to the digital side. I still acted upon that creativity, so all is not lost.

My workouts stopped late into the spring. All of my physical goals got cast to the wayside. I learned more this year though, in terms of web design, art, writing, and photography. I learned that there's so much more I want to and will do. My mind and creative muscles got stronger while the ol' beltline started to expand and sag.

I have reasons for each of my shortcomings this year. I'm not justifying or excusing any of them. I'm putting them out there, putting myself out there naked, in a way, saying this is who I was this past year, for better or for worse. This is who I was in 2005 and what I need to work on for 2006. The task at hand will be to change those negatives, without giving up the positives that came about from them. I guess, in a round-about way, these are my New Year's resolutions.

This is also baptism of sorts for 2006. I will begin again.

Happy New Year.

Friday's Playlist: U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb (My album of the year!)

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My lasting memory of my vacation last year is just kind of depressing. A big part of that was because I was in excruciating pain because I needed a root canal. The pain started a few days before Christmas, which I hate to say I got through medicating with more than my fair share of beer or mix drinks at various holidays functions. I got the root canal done the day or so after Christmas and felt immediate relief from the pain. But the same day of my root canal, I got a horrible bout with the flu and spent the remainder of my 12 or 13 days of vacation on the couch sick. My vacation sucked.

Well, this year, my vacation is completely different. I don't feel like a sloth. I don't feel like I'm just wasting it away in front of a TV or computer screen. But I'm also 100% on vacation and enjoying every minute of it. I've been keeping just busy enough to really enjoy my time off, but yet have allowed myself enough me-time to feel the batteries slowly recharging.

For my own purposes, really, here's my day-by-day account of my Christmas vacation, and a few snippets of commentary along the way:

Friday: I met my friend Brandon to see King Kong. Awesome movie. You gotta love that ape. Peter Jackson is finding his place in modern cinema. After the movie, Brandon and I had dinner at my favorite pizza place in Appleton, Stucs, for calzones. Good stuff. After a hearty meal, we stopped by the Deja Vu martini lounge for a drink and to reminisce about times gone by. Friday was a good day.

Monday: I slept in Monday. It was one of the first days in ages that I hadn't' set an alarm. I lounged around the house just feeling good from a great Christmas weekend. I chatted online, surfed the net, and bummed around. Eventually I rented The 40 Year Old Virgin and laughed my ass off. I've been waiting to rent this movie for a long time. Steve Carell is quickly becoming one of my favorite modern comics. After the movie, I decided to hit a few stores and redeem a few gift certificates. The stores weren't bad, but I left them before they probably would have started getting on my nerves. After shopping, I stopped at my parent's, hooked up their new DVD player that we got them, a Pac-Man video game that Dad got from my nephews, and helped Mom clean up some left overs from Christmas day. Boy, it felt good to bum around.

Tuesday: Tuesday was another lazy day. I slept in late and didn't do much of anything. That night, my friend Brandon and his wife Alison hosted a party at his brother- and sister-in-law's house for friends and family to visit during their short time back in the area. At first, I felt a bit uncomfortable at the party, not knowing anybody but Brandon and Alison. But shortly into the night, kind of the core group of friends were left and I fit right in. We joked late into the night and I got home around 12:30. I really had a nice time.

Wednesday: Wednesday morning, I left home around 11:00 and had lunch with Brandon who will be going back to Arizona tomorrow. As usual with Brandon, we very quickly got into deep conversations about God, life, greater purposes, family, etc. It's great having a friend like that. It was really cool just how much time I got to spend with my friend while he was home. After lunch, we stopped at the Apple store, geeked out over a 30-inch monitor and a bunch of other stuff neither of us can afford. I dropped Brandon off, did a little more shopping, and then hung out with my parents for a few hours, showing Mom how to work her new DVD player. We watched about an hour of a Best of American Idol DVD that we got her. Around 5:30, we all went to my aunt and uncles house to do what we call a "Round Robin." A Round Robin is where you go to three or four people's houses during the holidays during the course of a night, feast on their Christmas candy, hors d'oeurves, etc., check out their homes and Christmas trees all decorated, and usually have a few drinks. We went to three of my aunts and uncles' houses last night. I got home around 1:00. It was a good time. I couldn't believe how late it got, and the fact that a lot of my relatives had to work today. Yesterday was a full day.

Currently, my calendar is free tomorrow. All indicators point to another blizzard coming this way. It might be a good day to watch another winter storm pass through. I plan on heading a couple of house south to Madison on Saturday to spend New Years Eve with some good friends, which I'm really looking forward to. Hopefully by then, the weather will cooperate.

My vacation has been relaxing but full. I feel very fulfilled by it. My time off is slowly dissolving, but I can't say I don't know where it went. It's been the perfect mix of good times with friends and family, and its not yet over. I hope you all have had a great holiday and/or holiday vacation. Bring on New Years!

Thanks for indulging me tonight. More later.

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P.S. One day this week, I also managed to add few more snap shots to my website, this time of my cousin's wedding from a couple of weeks ago, my nephews bday party, and Christmas. Enjoy!

I went across town to the old Media Play store that I used to work at which is going out of business. The parking lot was almost full so I had to park way out. Everything in the store was 30 to 60% off, deals-a-plenty. I left the store empty-handed; I was just in the mood to look around. As I was walking to my car, I heard this:

"Hey..."

I looked behind me, thinking somebody was talking to me. It was a cute little blonde on her cell phone in her own little world, oblivious to me walking in front of her.

"Okay. It's fifty for an eighth and a hundred for a quarter," she continued, quite oblivous.

What? As I was hearing this, my mind was trying to make sense of some type of day-after Christmas deal at Media play. Then I realized that the cute little blonde had her own day-after Christmas deal going down. She was gonna have a Mary Jane Christmas.

Yup, there were deals everywhere.

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Christmas day was really nice too. I got to my parent's house a few hours before everybody else. I set the table for our traditional brunch and helped Mom prepare the meal until my sister showed up with the kids and took over the kitchen duties. The kids were in full gear, ecstatic from the amount of toys that arrived under their tree. They were so hyper and high-strung, it was hilarious. By the time my brother and his girlfriend showed up, the house was buzzing with excitement and brunch was almost ready; the house smelled of bacon, cinnamon, and a variety of sweets. Christmas morning brunch was awesome. That meal always means more to me than Thanksgiving dinner.

Between all of the presents that my parents had for all of us kids, plus the stash that my sister, the kids, my brother, his girlfriend, and I all put under the tree, the entire family room was the fullest I'd ever seen it. I bet at least half the room was full of presents. The room gets smaller every year with less room to sit. On top of our exchange that we do, everybody seemed to have special little presents for everybody else. I had gotten reprints of a bunch of pictures from my cousin's wedding a few weeks ago for everybody and put them in frames. The kids got me and my brother gift certs for spoiling them rotten. My brother got me a couple PS2 games for doing stuff for him this year. Mom and Dad got everybody special little ornaments. I ended up with a great luggage set, a dirt devil, kitchen stuff, clothes, DVDs, a cool-ass Star Wars saga DVD Trivial Pursuit, iTunes, etc. The giving never stopped. We took our time opening presents, which was well over two hours. It's quite the spectacle, getting more chaotic this year with two little boys running around like crazy. No matter how organized we tried to be, putting ripped paper and used bows in a couple of large garbage bags and stacking up our presents on our individual piles, it was still to no avail. The room looked like Santa's sleigh exploded all over the place. The house was a disaster.

The kids were having a blast with all of the new toys they got from all of us. Once again, my parents, brother, and I spoiled them, but they just loved it, with big smiles on their faces all day long. The noise of remote control cars and Buzz Lightyear walkie talkies continued during all of the gift opening and through another discouraging Packer loss. My official Christmas, from preparation of brunch through opening the gifts to the end of the Christmas day Packers/Bears game (with a nap in there during much of the first half of the game) lasted from 10:00 AM to 7:30 PM. It was quite the day. Everybody was beat.

As my nephews ran around the entire day hopping from one new toy to another, the littlest one, Brett, who will be four next month, exclaimed "This is the best Christmas ever!!" We all laughed at his excitement, but yet had to take some pride in his confirmation.

Things aren't perfect this year. We've still had our share of struggles with Dad's illness. But when I think back to how I felt a year ago, it certainly does feel like the best Christmas ever. We still have our hard times, but things are certainly better this year than last. That's all a person can really ask for. After a few full days with family (and a full day on Friday with my friend Brandon seeing King Kong), I feel lucky to have the friends and family I do in my life. That is Christmas. Nothing is perfect, it never will be. Christmas, as with life, is what you make of it.

And for me, Christmas was pretty fuckin' great.

That's all for now.

I hope you and yours made the most of your holiday. Merry Christmas!

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This is Christmas
December 24, 2005 Saturday 2:23 PM



There's still lots to do, so just a quick post today as many little finishing touches need to happen before I head to my grandparent's house for Christmas Eve. Tomorrow I will spend Christmas day with my immediate family: my parents, my sister and her husband and kids, and my brother and his girlfriend. The day will start with our traditional Christmas morning brunch before a huge pile of presents gets spread around, usually taking many hours to open.

I struggled this year with getting into the spirit of the holiday. Perhaps my cynicism got in the way, who knows. But I really learned that Christmas is what you make of it, for better or for worse. I stripped down a few of the things that were merely becoming tasks, and concentrated on the positive things, always reminding myself that I'm in charge of my own happiness. I'm in charge of whether or not I want the Christmas spirit in my life. This is Christmas. If you want it.

I hope you have someone to spend you Christmas and Christmas Eve with and that you're blessed with even a sliver of the holiday spirit. Try to remember what it's really all about.

That's all for now.

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My vacation began last night with a visit to the old folks home to see my grandma. Grandma M. will be 94 next month. Each year, her age gets more obvious. She is now in a wheelchair, can barely hear, and has very little memory left anymore. But when my family all got there, she knew each one of us kids. I joked with her a few times with big smiles, and her responses were still full of spunk. I realized that even at this age, she has a certain spark that's always been the defining characteristic that I've loved about her. I never really put my finger on what makes Grandma M. "Grandma M." before, if that makes any sense. That spark is also what's been carried on to my dad and his brother and sisters. Funny how one's legacy can be suddenly so apparent after a simple visit with a 94 year old woman.

I walked into that old folks home feeling stressed out and dreading that place. I left it feeling at peace, finally understanding the role that my dad's side of the family, one I've never really been that close to, has had in my life.

What a nice way to start out my vacation...

Today, I'm finally going to see King Kong with friend Brandon who's home for the holidays for the next few days. I worked with Brandon for a few years before he and his wife and daughter moved to Arizona for a great job opportunity. Over the past few years, Brandon's become one of my closest friends. Despite the distance between Arizona and Wisconsin, and thanks to the internet, cell phones, and email, we communicate with each other on almost a daily basis. I'm really excited to see this movie, but more excited to spend the day with my friend.

After a very busy year at work, I'm really looking forward to this day of relaxing and spending time with my friend, with much of the same planned for the next nine or ten days. I slept in this morning and never even set an alarm. To me, that's really what Christmas is all about.

More later.

Friday's Playlist:

1. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Soundtrack from the Motion Picture

2. U2 - Zoo TV from DC 9/16/02

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P.S. Bonus points for anybody who knows what the image is in the top graphic, and what it's relevance is to this post.

P.P.S. Be sure to check out my media page to download my December podcast.

Rudolph, Pink Sunsets, and Seizing The Day
December 21, 2005 Wednesday 8:29 PM
(photo date 11/26/05)



Sigh. Another busy day. Things aren't necessarily bad; I'm just tired and burned out beyond belief. I need my Christmas vacation to be here ASAP For tonight, enjoy my new homepage graphic. I photographed these bad boys a few years ago from my collection of Christmas ornaments. Rudolph has always been my favorite Christmas special; it was fun shooting this scene. The resulting photograph was my photo-card for Christmas 2000. Since then, my original Christmas cards have kind of been my "thing" every year, something a few of my friends always look forward to. The Rudolph card remains my favorite to date.

This year, the pink sunset that was my homepage, now seen above (and which can be found on my media page as some desktops) was my card. The scene, less than a block away from where I live, is of the Fox River, right here in lil' ol' Wrightstown, WI, USA. I shot this image after dropping my sister off from a day of helping my parents. I saw the sunset, pulled over, and after about four or five shots, the awesome sunset had disappeared. To me, it really captures winter in Wisconsin, especially here in the Fox River Valley. But more importantly, it also represents the fleeting quality of opportunity, how sometimes in life, you HAVE to stop and pull over or take the long way 'round. Sometimes, you have to follow your impulses and seize the day, or at the very least, a bright pink sunset.

Today, though, this photo really seems to capture the official first of winter. It's quite pleasant knowing that after today, each day we will have a little bit more sunlight than the day before.

I'm gonna end this tonight and just veg out on the couch...hopefully the video store has a copy of The 40 Year Old Virgin that I can rent (if I can motivate my lazy ass to walk down the street to the store). One more day, and then I can relax.

Wednesday's Playlist: U2 - Zoo TV from DC 9/16/02

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In The Queue or Something Equally As Clever
December 20, 2005 Tuesday 7:30 PM
Okay. If you read my previous post: I lied. If you notice, that post was from around 2 AM this morning. I figured that after I finished it, I'd hit the sack for another few hours. Not true. At most, I got another hour of interrupted sleep. My mind was buzzing all over the place about a meeting that I had this morning that I was (unjustifiably) worried about. On the positive side of things, I got to work really early today. And with the exception of some wrapping ('cuz we all know white boyz can't rap) and housecleaning, I'm ready for the holidays. On the negative side, my day was non-stop hectic. I feel like I have so much to do before I can finish off my year at work on Thursday. If anything, today I'm further behind than I was when came in this morning. The vacation will be nice; that's for sure. But I feel like I'm paying for it now. Bah. Being up since 1:30 AM isn't helping things either.

(Leaving for work in the dark this morning and then driving home when it was dark didn't help things either - happy last day of fall!)

So my intentions tonight were to write about a few special Christmas moments that happened over the weekend. But that will have to wait. My brain is fried. Instead, I'm mowing down an unhealthy thick-crust pizza and waiting for the season finale of Nip/Tuck (about equally as unhealthy). I have a few longer posts in the back of my head, in the queue, if you will, that I am looking forward to sinking my teeth into. I just need a little more energy before I can do that.

Just two more days....

Final Stretch
December 20, 2005 Tuesday 1:57 AM
The Christmas season kicked off in full gear over the weekend. It was busy but fun. I had meant to talk more in depth about it tonight, but kind of slept through my evening. I got home from work, ate some supper, and treated myself to a couple episodes from my new Simpsons Season 7 DVDs. The next thing I knew, I woke up and it was 1:30 AM. Where did my night go? It was a hectic day and I guess the weekend kicked my ass. I had kind of hoped to get a few things done tonight, but apparently sleep made itself a priority. Things at work have been go-go-go the past few months and I am so ready for a vacation. Only three more days, though, and I'm done for the rest of the year.

I'm sure this post is a bit disjointed: I'm writing it in the fog of having just woken up mere minutes ago, not having a clue where I was, what day it was, or why I was completely dressed, on the couch, with all the lights on, but obviously asleep for many hours. I must have been sleeping for at least 5 and a 1/2 hours. And the thing is, I am tired enough that I will go back to bed once I upload this. I have to be up for work in another four hours and will have no problem going back to bed.

On the self-promotion tip, be sure to check out the media section of my site to hear my new podcast (#5) which I recorded over the weekend too, if you haven't already. I will talk about my weekend tomorrow night, if I don't sleep through that as well.

Okay, I need to go back to bed. Spell check don't fail me now.

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Friday's Playlist:

1. The Beatles - Revolver

2. The Beatles - Past Masters Vol. 2

3. Cinecast #61: Shop Oil

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Thursday's Playlist:

1. The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

2. The Beatles - 1

3. Vertigo 2005 // U2 Live From Chicago

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8.) Finish post about day. Check.

I shot the photo you see of my bushes as I was shoveling snow tonight. Shoveling is never a fun job, but on a night as beautiful as this one, it felt great to be outside in the fresh air, surrounded by the quiet winter beauty of getting just seriously dumped on with snow. That's all for now.

Wednesday's Playlist: Vertigo 2005 // U2 Live From Chicago

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I will give a more in-depth review of the movie at a later date. All I can say now is that I left that movie feeling transformed...like a little kid again. I've been so distracted lately with all the deadlines going on at work, my cousin's wedding last weekend, and all the holiday rush, but was finally able to slow down and be transported for over two hours to the wonderful world of C.S. Lewis. I think I had a smile on my face the entire time, never once checking my watch. There were a few pivotal scenes that I remembered from a cartoon I saw as a kid that always left their mark on me. Once again those scenes touched me -- I couldn't believe how true they were to the 30 year old memories in my head. In another scene, the kids met up with Santa Claus. I got a huge smile on my face and, once again, felt the spirit of Christmas. When I left the theater, for a split second, I actually wondered what world would be on the other side of the theater doors. I smiled at the wild possibilites of my thoughts, and, even after the drive home, still feel like a little kid. Gosh, that's so what I needed.

More later.

Tuesday's Playlist:

1. The Beatles - The White Album

2. Cinecast #60: Body Shopgirl

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Nothing pisses me off more than seeing a Christmas tree on the curb the day after Christmas.

I guess I'm the kind of guy who likes to slowly ease into and out of the holidays, much like I do any given day. With the amount of work that goes into the holidays, it's hard for me not to get cynical when people start getting ready for Valentines Day on December 26th. Time to move on to bigger and better things, I suppose. "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...."

But where's the night cap or the cigarette after sex? I guess I like to enjoy my dessert after dinner and watch the credits at the end of a movie. I like to listen to albums all the way through and revisit my favorite songs two or three times afterward. At least let me enjoy Christmas until January 1st.

It's sad that I've gotten so cynical about the holidays. I used to be the biggest kid this time of the year. I help my dad with one of the biggest holiday light displays around. I love Christmas music and still get excited on Christmas morning. I love Christmas snow. So what happened to this Christmas heart of mine? Has the commercialism of our times locked it anyway and shrunk it down in size? Can it be saved by some kind of Christmas miracle that we all grew up watching on all those Christmas specials sponsored by Dolly Madison? Is this grinch capable of redemption this holiday season?

Well, tonight, I would have to answer yes.

My sister volunteered to ring the bell for the Salvation Army at a local Shopko store today. I guess you sign up for two-hour blocks. She thought it would be something neat to do and good to expose my nephews to. Knowing they were doing this, I skipped out of work early to stop by, donate a few bucks to the Salvation Army, and take a few pictures of the kids ringing the bells. It was quite cold where they were doing it, but the kids were super-cute, ringing the bell extra-loud anytime anybody would walk by. Those two cute little tykes got a lot of sympathy dollars. I couldn't believe how many people stuffed money in the red can just the 20 minutes I was there. My dad even stopped by and rang the bell for 45 minutes while my sister took the boys into the store to warm up. It was turning into a real family affair.

They were scheduled to ring the bell until 4:00. If they couldn't do it that long, they could just leave the bells in a little bag that was hanging by the red can unwatched. I never really thought much of how those things work. It's all done on a volunteer basis. If nobody is there, that means somebody left early or nobody could do that two-hour block. Around 3:45, Derick started to get cold and Brett was getting antsy. My sister decided to leave before the kids got too crabby. Seeing how much money my nephews raised while I was there, I decided to take over for the next 15 minutes to finish off the shift. Yep, me. Mean Ol' Mr. Grinch. Ringing the bell, wishing people Merry Christmas.

I wish I would have brought one of my Santa Claus hats along.

It was amazing how good I felt donating this small amount of my time. In the short time while I was there, I think I made around $20 for the Salvation Army. Not bad for 15 minute's work. Next year, I will surely do a full two-hour block.

Ringing the bell for the Salivation Army filled me with the Christmas spirit. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. I rushed home inspired, and put up my Christmas tree. It was something I was considering skipping this year, or at the very least, dragging out over the course of three or four nights so it wasn't such a big job. But instead, buzzing with the spirit of the holidays, I loaded the iPod up with a few hundred Christmas songs, plugged it into the stereo, cranked it, and worked in a frenzy until the tree stood in the corner of the room, shiny and complete, in all of its Christmas glory.

As I put the tree up, I was immediately happy I did it. My brain fired off dozens of memories of Christmases past. I actually found myself getting emotional, looking at some of the special ornaments on the tree that I've acquired in my life. A few of them are at least 30 years old, while many others that my grandma gave me are much older. A gold bell placed near the top of the tree reminded me of the traditional Christmas Eves we used to have at least 30 years ago back when Grandpa was still alive and Grandma wasn't in the home. I can still taste Grandma's cookies and Aunt Lois' anis candy. A sleigh made out of popscicle sticks reminded me of a project I did with my uncle Don for about 40 aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents back when I was in gradeschool. Don and his family haven't talked to any of the family in over a decade. A Garfield ornament reminded me of spending an entire Christmas vacation in high school reading Calvin and Hobbes books. An elf figure reminded me of a dear friend in college who I bonded with as my college days came to an end as hers just begun. That friendship remains today. A red heart reminded me of my first apartment out of college, independence, the freedom I assoicate with being in my early 20s, and a flocked tree. A swirled-blue globe reminded me of an ex-girlfriend and the excitement of that new relationship before it became tainted with lies and manipulation (That ornament goes near the back now..). A velvet stocking reminded me of a shitty second job I had at a music store during the height of Y2K when my money all ran out. A small disco ball reminded me of a kick-ass New Years Eve party, one that all others would be compared to. A ceramic Rupolph reminded me of a special Christmas when Derick was one week old and we knew the life of our family would never be the same (I'd have to say, that was the best Christmas ever). Even a framed ornament of my cat reminded me of when I moved to this place five years ago, essentially starting over, feeling free of the baggage of the past. The memories, some bitter, some sweet, some bitter-sweet, are endless and all priceless. The stories that tree could tell...

I'm convinced it's one of those Entz from Lord of the Rings.

Now with the tree up, in my mind, always the biggest task of all, I feel full of the Christmas spirit and a little bit more ready for the rest of the tasks at hand. I feel motivated to create my Christmas cards, do some major house cleaning and decorating, finish up my shopping, and even wrap a few presents. Suddenly, I'm looking forward to our company pot-luck, a couple birthday and Christmas parties, friends coming home for the holidays, and even a few movie premieres, one starring a big, hairy ape.

The ice block around this grinch has melted. I'm ready to take on Christmas. Call it a Christmas miracle if you must.

Happy holidays; don't let them get the best of you.

This post was brought to you by Dolly Madison.

Monday's Playlist:

1. The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Boogie Woogie Christmas

2. The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Dig That Crazy Christmas

3. Cinecast #58: La Vie Austen

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At work tomorrow morning, another guy and I are running a pilot for a new class we've been developing. We are extremely prepared and organized for this class, but there are endless details to deal with. I am confident that things will go fine, but all the preparation is still stressful. I'll be happy when tomorrow afternoon arrives and the pilot is over.

With the culmination of our project at work, coupled with Christmas preparations and an ever-growing to-do list, by the time I got home tonight from getting new tires put on my car, I was wound tight as guitar strings.

On this eve of our premiere, I decided to treat myself to a walk in the new-fallen snow and pick up some supper. Knowing what day it is, that it's the 25th anniversary of the death of John Lennon, I had to put on "Happy X-Mas (War Is Over)." By the time I got back from my short but slow walk, "Happy X-Mas," "Imagine," and "Jealous Guy" had me throttled back down to a reasonable speed. Between the gentle snow in the air and the beautiful music coming out of my iPod's earbuds, I'd finally calmed down. I found beauty from the skies. Beauty from the memory of this great man.

I'm not sure what can be said about John Lennon that I haven't said before. I know that as each year of my life passes on, my love for his music, legacy, and spirit continues to grow.

What I love most about John was that he was human -- incredibly vulnerable -- just like the rest of us. He had flaws just like you and me. He was a human filled with big ideas, incredible inspiration, and amazing artistic vision. He also dealt with pain, loss, confusion, and heart-ache. He was both sides of the coin which he somehow brilliantly channeled through his work.

Later in John's life, he put his music on hold. He and Yoko raised Sean. This gave John a second chance at being a father and husband. John's late work was full of love and peace -- being the family man allowed him to pull his throttle back and focus on what was important in his life. Shortly before he died, I firmly believe that his soul was at ease. He'd found an intense love and genuine foundation in his life with Sean and Yoko. It fueled his artistic vision and creative fires.

One can't help but wonder what direction his life would have taken with his newfound peace. It's such a damn shame.

The potential that was erased 25 years ago this night... The light that was taken from the world...

I can't even imagine what he'd be doing if he were still alive. What would he think of our world today?

I remember a few years ago, my friend Splash and I saw a John Lennon exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The exhibit was amazing (and I talk about it in length in my most recent podcast). The memory that I think of today from that exhibit isn't necessarily the one where we see John's bloody glasses from the night he was shot. What I think of is from a wall of personal polaroid photos that were displayed in a grid. Amongst this grid were also different pairs of his glasses that he wore throughout his life. Right in the middle (or at least, that's where I was drawn to) was a pair of his mirror sunglasses. I saw my reflection in his glasses.

That spoke volumes to me.

Who am I today because of this man? How has he affected me? What have I learned? What have I done? John Lennon is a true hero to me. He's been an inspiration in my art and my life. "Grow Old With Me" is playing in the background. I feel warm and at peace. His music is a calming spirit and muse to me. But his life, his love, his peace, soul, and spirit are definitive forces in my life.

I hope he's resting in peace. A peace that he brought to this world.

Now I'm going to retire for the evening with my memories of John and watch my newly purchased "Imagine" DVD to celebrate the life of this man. I have to go to bed early tonight. I have a big day ahead of me. Have a great night.

Imagine.

War is over. If you want it.

Thursday's Playlist: John Lennon - Acoustic

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P.S. In honor of the anniversary of Lennon's death, RollingStone.com has posted part one of a 1970s interview with John. This first installment is around 35 minutes. You can go here for instructions on how to subscribe (for free) to this podcast series. They are also currently doing a series of podcasts from a big interview with Bono which is up to part five, releasing a new podcast every few weeks. I'm assuming they'll do the same with this John Lennon interview. This is so awesome! Enjoy.

In a weird way, though, despite the above grievances, there's always been a small soft spot in my heart for monkeys, at least where media is concerned.

One of my first memories from when I was way little is reading Curious George. I remember he made a paper hat and painted all of the sheets that were covering the furniture to look like zoo animals. Didn't he break his arm too? Just like me at that age. When I was a few years older, I remember always trying to draw the monkey from Shirt Tales and even had a monkey as part of a comic strip I drew for many years. During the trucker craze, B.J. and the Bear was a Saturday night staple. Even in my early teen years, there was always something fascinating about Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles. I wonder if Bubbles would even recognize his old owner now.

A few years after I moved back from college, I fell in love with The Planet of the Apes movie series. The fourth one is the darkest of the group and my favorite. The concept of "ape management" still makes me laugh my ass off for more than one reason. Tim Burton's remake, on the other hand, was a complete hack and waste of time.

But speaking of movie remakes... Now another certain ape has been on my mind lately: King Kong. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. With the Peter Jackson affiliation, I wonder if I'm thinking that this will be Lord of the Rings 4, The Return of the Kong.

The Return of the King was on Encore the other night. I was immediately transformed back a few years ago to the excitement I had, waiting for the final installment of the story. Those movies are so completely magical and beautifully done. The Lord of the Rings trilogy quickly became some of my favorite movies of all time. Much of that success has to go to Peter Jackson and his design team, all who are working on King Kong as well. Jackson has such a love for the original movie, that I can't see him not being sincere to the story.

On Thanksgiving night, they ran a commercial for Kong. My brother and sister, two people who really have no interest in movies, both commented that they wanted to see the new movie, which really surprised me. We all remembered watching the 70s version of it as kids. To me, it always felt sad when Kong was in the holding pen in that boat or when he died at the end. But I also remember Charles Grodin being smashed like a pancake (not that he didn't deserve it) and getting a glimpse of Jessica Lange's sagging boob. Ah, the 70s.

I wonder if I could go back and watch that version now? The story still does resonate in my mind, but I wonder if I could get past that odd swinger vibe of that polyester decade. The original, on the other hand, is a pure classic.

Will Peter Jackson find the right combination of story vs. special effects? Will he be able to rekindle some of that LOTR magic? Should he have to? Really, it's an unfair comparison. As I write this, I'm listening to all three of the LOTR soundtracks. Am I'm setting this up for failure? How many other LOTR geeks are doing the exact same thing?

With that said, I know where I'll be on December 19th. This is another one of those movie premieres that becomes something bigger than just a movie: it becomes an event that requires a save-the-date card. I already have certain people who I have to see this movie with.

God I love it when there's a reason to hit the movie theaters again! Later.

Wednesday's Playlist: Ben Folds - Rockin' The Suburbs

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P.S. No, I really don't know the difference between a monkey and an ape and I am ignorant enough to not care.

Today, The Dukes of Hazard movie, starring Ms. Simpson and season 3 of Nick and Jessica's reality TV show both came out on DVD. Call me cynical, but there's no damn way this coincidence. WTF? At what cost will these people go to market themselves just to stay on the radar? Unbelievable. These are the very same celebrities who complain about wanting their privacy.

The really sad thing? Why do I know all of this or why do I care?

Tuesday's Playlist:

1. Vince Gill - Let There Be Peace on Earth

2. Vertigo 2005 // U2 Live From Chicago

3. Madonna - Confessions on a Dancefloor

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Well, be careful what you wish for, I suppose. Here in midwestern Wisconsin, we've had some combination of snow, ice, gusty winds, and freezing cold almost every day since a week or so before Thanksgiving.

If I put myself in the right frame of mind, I don't mind it. That's what you have to do, to survive the winters without going absolutely crazy. I know this sounds cliche, but with the cold and the snow, I can almost get in the Christmas spirit when I'm running one errand or another that's somehow related to December 25th. It actually makes those tasks (which I'm learning to hate more year after year) somewhat pleasant (or at least not suck as bad).

I started chatting online with friends around the world around the same time I became part of the blogosphere. By that I mean having my own blog as well as reading other people's blogs. Before that, I never really thought of the world-at-large, in terms of weather, at least, on a daily basis. Oh yeah, I've met the occasional person who would comment, "How can you live in Wisconsin? How can you stand all that snow?" But I usually just dismissed them as people who had to run south for the winter, afraid of the cold. I never really thought of how so much of the world has warm weather, the beach, swimming, and can wear shortsleeves all year around. Now on a daily basis, I can enter the world of somebody who's dealing with weather conditions the exact opposite of mine. They don't deal with these 5 degree days where your car doors lock up when you get it washed or have wind chill advisories for people not to go outside.

They also don't have snow at Christmas.

I realize how ignorant it is for me to not be as aware of the weather down south, out west, or in other countries. But I suppose, that's just how people are. We focus on our lives, our surrounds, our climate, and just deal with it, for better or for worse. I wonder how many people from the south or west coast even consider icy roads and the bitter cold on a daily basis like we do?

Of course, I'm just trying to be Mr. Half-Glass-Full tonight.

Did I mention it was 5 degrees F at the moment? That's all for now. Stay warm people, whether in front of your fireplace or on some lazy beach.

Monday's Playlist:

1. Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

2. Vertigo 2005 // U2 Live From Chicago

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P.S. Over the weekend, I updated the media page of this site. I added a few quotes from The Family Guy Stewie movie that I pulled from the DVD as well as a few desktops/wallpapers that I created from artwork from the new Madonna CD, Confessions on a Dashfloor. Check 'em out if you're into that sort of downloading thing. Later.

"According to UNAIDS estimates, there were 37.2 million adults and 2.2 million children worldwide living with HIV at the end of 2004. During the year, 4.9 million people became newly infected with the virus. Around half of all people who become infected with HIV do so before they are 25 and are killed by AIDS before they are 35. Around 95% of people with HIV/AIDS live in developing nations. But HIV today is a threat to men, women and children on all continents around the world. In Africa alone, more than 17 million people have died from AIDS and another 25 million are infected with the HIV virus, approximately 1.9 million of whom are children. Every day in Africa, HIV/AIDS kills 6,300 people. 8,500 people are infected with the HIV virus and 1,400 newborn babies are infected during childbirth."

That is completely mind-blowing. Today alone, 6,300 people in Africa have died of AIDS. 1,400 newborn babies...

Pandemic. That's the only way to describe this threat of humanity.

Today is World AIDS day.

I'm not going to act like I'm some great humanitarian, out fighting the AIDS cause. I'm far from it. The quote I used in this post, as well as my knowledge that today is World AIDS day, comes exclusively from my fandom of U2. My eyes have been torn wide open the more I learn about Bono and all of his work for African poverty. I thought the least I could do is mention the day, mention the recognition we must give.

When I read these kind of staggering statistics, it boggles my mind why more isn't being done for this problem, this epidemic, this emergency. I think in general, its just too damn easy for to put up blinders to the problem and say "It's not my burden." I wonder if we haven't gotten used to the images of the dying African. Has it become too easy to divert our attention, call them savages, say they've brought this upon themselves? Here in the US, is it easier to say that AIDS is just something that gay men or drug addicts acquire? Something they've brought on themselves? Something they deserve? It's too easy to be racist, homophobic, or hop on a moral soap box where this disease is concerned "when it's not in my back yard..." Considering how popular Christianity is in our political climate these days, how so much is being done in the name of God, why isn't more being done for this lepracy of our time? Why aren't we focusing our assets on this world-wide threat, this world-wide terror?

I'm amazed at how unsympathetic people can be to this cause. This ignorance is the equivalent of a hate crime.

Could you imagine if our society turned its back on the people who died of lung cancer each year even though they've smoked like chimneys their entire lives? Or ignored the well-being of a diabetic who eats poorly and never exercises? Of course not. That would be inhumane.

But it's far too easy to ignore this disease. I'm just as guilty of it as anyone. It hasn't affect me or my life. I only know one person with AIDS. He's a friend-of-a-friend who's successfully lived with AIDS for 22 years. His name is Bob Bowers, an amazing guy. Bob's turned being infected with the virus from a death-sentence to a passion in his life, speaking and educating people all around the country. Bob's one of those people I'm happy to have met in my lifetime. I consider myself lucky that I only know one person with the disease. Check out Bob's other site at HIVictorious.org to learn more about him and his work.

I met a girl a few weekends ago who used to work at an AIDS clinic here in the Green Bay area. Green Bay is a very conservative, midwest city. In my ignorance, I commented to her that I didn't think Green Bay had the need for an AIDS clinic. It's incredible how wrong I was. AIDS is everywhere. Even in my backyard.

Because of the U2 website today, I found out that it was World AIDS day. The website provided a link to this video. The song is a remake of the Peter Gabriel classic "Don't Give Up" sung by Bono and Alicia Keys. It will be available for download on iTunes (for charity) next week. The song is absolutely incredible. The video is heart-wrenching. Check out the Keep A Child Alive site to learn more.

This was a hard post for me to write. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at preaching or spouting off about my political beliefs. I know my thoughts are all over the place tonight. It's funny how in writing this post, my mind can jump across the world from Africa to Green Bay and back. All I really wanted to do was stop a moment and reflect. This AIDS epidemic isn't just a problem in Africa, it's a problem as big as this entire planet. We are all brothers and sisters. We are all human. It's time to open our eyes, stop the bigotry and hate and share some compassion for our fellow man. Today, for my friend Bob, and the millions of human beings infected with this disease, we owe it to them and our world to just stop and think. To paraphrase my friend Bono, in the fight of AIDS, together we are much stronger as one.

Thursday's Playlist:

1. The Kevin Smith Show on KLSX (04/30/2005)

2. Ebert & Ropert - Reviews for the Weekend of November 19 - 20

3. Ebert & Ropert - Reviews for the Weekend of November 26 - 27

4. Cinecast #57: It's Pronounced COE-ven

5. Carrie Underwood: Some Hearts

6. Vertigo 2005 // U2 Live From Chicago

and Bono and Alicia Keys: Don't Give Up (Africa)

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P.S. Be sure to check out the November archives. I keep trudging away. I've added a few more snap shots and two new sketch books to the mix. I love the direction my site is taking me. When one door opens...