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But here I am. 2003 has ended, and I'm surrounded by sketch pads, art supplies, and a drawing table and chair that I hope to assemble sometime this week. Art is back in my life. In a big way. It used to be that I had one sketch book, which I had cast aside for almost 7 years. When I finally revisited the book I didn't allow myself to stray from it too far. Now I have 3 books and multiple sketch pads, one that I even take to the bars! I'm finding myself drawing on bar napkins, old receipts, anything I can get my hands on. I have a pencil and eraser in my jacket pocket that I always carry with me. Just in case. The creative energies are alive and extremely well. I'm sure this sounds quite dramatic, but I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. The drawing you see on the right will be the last drawing of me in 2003. Hopefully it will also be the last drawing that I do, sitting on the floor, with bad lighting, hunched over my wobbly coffee table. I'm so excited to set up my drawing table, change my computer/office area to make it even more of a studio. I'll have the computer in one corner of the room, and the drawing table and easel in the other. In a way, I feel like I'm waiting for 2004 to drop, before I rearrange things, in order to symbolically take my art to the next level. Next year I hope to plunge into color, do some paintings, explore pastel work, and get my hands dirty with some intense charcoals. This art thing is alive bubbling over inside of me right now. It's a good time to be alive. A good time to be riding this artistic wave. Perhaps I will recap 2003 tomorrow, perhaps not. To be honest, I'm more excited for things to come right now, versus living in the past. Much of my history is here, now, in the archives pages of this website. It's a mind boggling concept, this idea of recording a moment in time through words and pictures....and being able to look back...and have others experience it as well, from all the different corners of the globe. What an amazing, amazing, AMAZING thing! How far I've come. Last night at class, I was talking to Mike, the guy who runs things. He misheard a comment I made and asked me, "You're writing a book?" Before I had time to correct him, and say, no, I'm not, Mark chimed in and said, "Yes his is, and he's writing it one chapter a night." What a cool thing to say. What a fuckin' cool thing to say! The story of my life, right here in front of me. What a surreal thing! Dreams are funny; they sometimes come and go. 2003 was a year for me to connect and reconnect with friends and my art. One couldn't have happened without the other. And because of both of those things, my dream is once again alive. My purpose has been laid before me. What a profound thing to have happen in 2003. So as the media thrashes out the biggest headlines of the year: the kiss between Madonna and Britney, Michael Jackson's mug shot, the Coby Bryant trial, etc., I'll chuckle to myself and bask in the realization of my big headline of the year. The return of a dream. The return of my dream. Precious. Happy New Year!! G. Meulemans |
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There's a bigger excuse though, why I just couldn't capture him that night. He was just giving me some really negative vibes. I've had a few models in the past who maybe haven't really given their everything to the class, but this was the first time where I just felt like the model was putting something really negative out there. For the most part, the classes have been little "lovefests" of late, as I call them, where the students and the models all seem to be riding some great peace train. All you need is love, right? Not that particular night.
When we got to the bar for margaritas, I just couldn't shake the negative vibe I'd been feeling. I compared it to the cold chill I get every once in a while when I drive past a cemetery. His negativity actually had me rattled. As an artist, when drawing from life, there are many issues you have to deal with. That's the challenge. If the model moves around a lot, then you have to draw a bit more from what you know about the human figure, and not rely on so much what you see. If the model is radiating some strong energy, whether positive or negative, you have to learn how to channel that, and draw that too. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't focus on this guy's bitterness and negativity for an hour and a half. I just didn't want to be part of it. I didn't want it to be any part of me. I talked to Vicki about this on Sunday night. She firmly believes that because I'm an artist, that makes me an extremely empathic person, quite able to feel what others are feeling...almost take what they're feeling and make it my own. As I continue my pursuit of art, I do feel that I'm more in touch with things like that. I feel more in tune to Mother Nature. I feel more in tune to the people around me, to their joy and sadness. There's actually a couple people who I work with that I call "energy vampires" in my head. I rarely deal with these people, but just being around them and their stress is quite draining to me. When they're not in the office, I feel a sense of relief, more at ease. It's as if my intuition is growing along with my artistic, inner-self. I know this probably sounds like a load of bunk to some of you out there. But ask any artist, and they'll probably tell you something of the same vein. To capture one's essence and translate it into lines and shapes, colors and shadows, takes a real connection with ones feelings and intuitions. Since I've gotten back into my art, I've experienced more and more coincidences and deja vu as well, which are all along the same spiritual plane. Since I've reconnected with my art, I can't say I've found or reconnected with a God I once knew, but it seems like something even greater is happening: I'm reconnecting with an abstract spirit that I'm currently not willing to define. For me, that's been the greatest gift of 2003. My God-shaped hole is becoming less and less pronounced. Perhaps I'm experiencing some type of spiritual renaissance or awakening or something that I still can't begin to understand. When I look back to that night before the Beretta puttered out on me, less than a mile away from that dealership, I also think that I was sensing a bad omen of things to come with that car, not just the negative vibe from the model. If things had gone the way they were meant to, I would have been stranded out on the interstate that late frigid night, 30 miles from home. But something carried me, then; I firmly believe that to my core. I think the cold chill I was feeling was not just the models bad mojo, but also a bad fate that never came to be. Forces were at work. In writing this all down, it only seems to hint at the feelings I'm trying to describe. But how can one even begin to define the undefinable? That's all for now; I have to leave for my art class in about an hour. What will come of tonight's class? :) Blogging to: Selected tracks from the Lord Of The Rings soundtracks. |
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The
True Meaning Of Christmas Vacation Last night Vicki came over, and stayed past 2:00 am. Whenever we get together, the time just flies. Our conversations are so amazing, so deep and meaningful. She helps me see life in unique ways. She's one of those people who truly sees things outside of the box; hell, for her, there is no box. She's such a special person in my life. I wish she didn't live over 2 hours away. I wonder what the course of our relationship would be if it wasn't for the distance between? Anyway, by the time she left, I was dog tired and crashed on the couch.
Initially, I had plans to have lunch with some friends, go to the gym, return a gift of two, and run some errands. But instead, I'm still siting here, 9 hours later, in the few clothes I wore to bed last night. I spent my day emailing friends, surfing the net, listening to music, talking on the phone, and watching a few episodes of South Park. Somewhere along the course of the day, I slipped back into bed and took a nice little nap. For supper, I walked over to the Subway near my house, treated myself to a meatball sub, and then proceeding to take another 3 hour nap on the couch. I never even got into my car, which is odd for me living in this neck of the woods. I haven't slept this much in ages. But you know what? It feels great!! It's fun to sit around all day in pair of shorts, needing a shower so bad, having bed-head so bad, but being too lazy to do anything about it. I should probably brush my teeth sometime before the day is over as well. It's fun just doing what my whims tell me to do. It's fun having a day that's 100% selfish, 100% id driven. It's so what I needed. Writing this now, I still have sleep in my eyes, and have a feeling I won't being staying up too late tonight, despite all of the sleep I've had today. I am one lazy mofo. I had a much deeper post in mind for tonight, with some actual drawings. But I'm even feeling too lazy to plunge into those feelings. Hey, I'm on vacation! I've worked hard all year long for a day like this. It feels good. :) Blogging to: The White Stripes - White Blood Cells |
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On Christmas Eve, not only did Dad find out he got a large bonus, but we also found out that my brother has a new girlfriend. We're all quite excited for him. My sister's family also found a couple pieces of good news (which I don't feel right sharing on this site (and no, she's not pregnant, but it's still great news)); a few large burdens are off of their backs as well. As we were having brunch Christmas morning, you could sense everybody's excitement. It was a plus seeing 3 new vehicles in the driveway, reminding me that things could be a lot worse on the financial front for all of us. But it was having the annual Christmas brunch with my beloved family that made me feel like the richest son of a bitch around. My nephews gave my dad a brick that you can purchase for Lambeau Field. It says something like "To Papa Meulemans, Love Derick and Brett." This spring, that brick will get laid in the north entrance of the stadium. Dad had tears in his eyes, realizing that when he's long gone, his memory, via his grandsons, will always be there. It was a great present. We gave Mom a large family photo that we took early this fall (I posted that photo on my Thanksgiving post). We gave her an 11 x 17 print of the entire family, framed and matted, and Dad gave her a 16 x 20 of the immediate family. The pictures turned out awesome! Mom loves them. We had to hang them up immediately. I gave Derick a plush Woody, from Toy Story, which he really liked, until he saw the full-size Buzz Lightyear I got him. That was by far his favorite toy of the day. As an uncle, I've been kickin' ass where presents are concerned lately! The day was quite relaxing, actually, once some of the excitement calmed down. We all had a drink to celebrate some of the good news and fortune to come our way. Spirits were high. A cake was had in honor of some of the good news. People were happy. With a little badgering by the entire family, my brother brought his new girlfriend, Shauna, over Christmas night for supper. She seems like a really sweet girl, a bit of a pistol. Exactly what my brother needs. They both seem so happy. I saw her again tonight, and I think she will be watching the Packer game with us tomorrow. I think she's going to fit in with us just great. I hope things work out for them. I look forward to her becoming part of the family. Yesterday, I finally got a little chance to breathe. I decided to treat myself to Return of the King again. With the holidays over, and the initial excitement of the movie passed, I was really able to enjoy the movie. It gets better each time I see it (this is my third time). I talked to a couple of my cousins today about the movie, and they put it into a completely different, religious perspective. When I look at it that way, it really blows my mind. Way cool.
My Christmas vacation is in full swing, with barely a moment to breathe. I was gone today with the extended family, again, eating and drinking all day long. I feel like such a glutton. That's what the holidays are about though. It was great seeing my cousins who are away at college now and catch up with them. There's always time to watch the South Park Season 3 DVDs that I got some other day. Christmas time was good. Two special shout-outs tonight, to bloggers who put the world in world wide web. First, thanks to Gulla from Akyureri, Iceland, for the nice email. Second, thanks to Spree Girl from Melbourne, Australia for the incredible shout-out on her Christmas day post. Also, thank you to Kat, for the extremely nice Christmas wishes you gave me on my discussion board. This feeling of connecting with people from all around the world is one of the most profound things that's happened to me this year. That, my friends, is worth a toast as well. |
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2003 has been a very good year for me. It's been a year filled with friends, family, art, love, and music. Things are good. I watched my nephews grow and change every day, it seemed. I saw my love for them grow as well. My role as an uncle became a stronger and stronger force in my life. The ties to my family got stronger than I could have ever imagined. Because of them, I truly understand what love is. Early in the year, I rediscovered my journal and my art. Before I knew it, this website came to be. Weekly art classes soon followed. I eventually understood and became part of the blogging community. The world became a bit safer and smaller to me. I've made a handful of sincere and really cool online friends because of it. John, Becky, Esther, Kat, Guillermo, Dawn, Ryan, Chris, Melissa, Moxie, and Tony are the few of the names that come to mind...I look forward to where your online adventures will take us. Mark, you (and Washu) inspired this site. I thank you for all the endless tech support. You guys are an endless source of inspiration to me. I also met a few new friends in my art class; I feel like we immediately clicked. They've expanded my mind with their inspiration and support as well. Mark, Mara, Michael, Samere, Jane, Don, Todd, Kathy...I thank you. A huge part of my life was missing before all of this, and you all played an amazing role in my rediscovery of that part of myself. What a great thing. This art/blogging thing has become an amazing way for me to meet new friends locally as well as the world abroad. It's been quite an extremely profound thing for me. It's given me an entirely new set of dreams. I feel like things have just begun... I was able to reconnect with a few other friends this year, and get closer with the ones I have. My friends play such an important role in my life. I feel so damn lucky. Vicki, Heather, Brandon, Splash, Dirk, Julie, Jason, Jackie, Fischer, Renee, Mark, John, Lisa, Todd, P.T., Jim, Linda, Jason, Karin, Jamie, Steph, Gordon, Jerry, Joel, Kristin, Nash, Uncle Fucker, Amy, G-Bob, Teri...just a few of the names that come to mind. You guys are my lifeline and my support. This summer I was also able to reconnect with Mother Nature. I found a love for sailing and an even greater love of running. Jamie and I took a third in a sailing competition. I finished the 10 K in under an hour (hell, I finished!!). Technology and music played a huge part in my life this year again, as well. At work, I continued my pursuit of online training. I ended my year where that's concerned feeling extremely positive and on track. This summer an iPod which stores over 7,000 of my mp3s and a Canon digital video camera found their way into my life. This fall, I seemed consumed by my photography. Again, a really cool way for me to connect my art with Mother Nature. Vicki, thanks for your endless inspiration. Media, whether I simply consumed it, or created it, played such a huge role in my life. Thank you Frodo, Gollum, Sam, Treebeard, and Gandalf; Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and Agent Smith; the X-Men; the T-101 and John Connor; U2, Bono, Coldplay, Madonna, Clay, Howard Shore, Elton John, and the Fighters of Foo; Jack Bauer and Tony Almaida; Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg, Brian, and Stewie; the citizens of South Park and Springfield; Carrie, Samathan, Miranda, and Charolette; the family and workers of the Fisher funeral home; Bill Maher; the contributors of Rolling Stone magazine; and those damn contestants of American Idol. Again, endless sources of inspiration. Just a few days ago, an old friend, the Beretta, turned it's back on me. I finally left him stranded on a frontage road for a change, and found myself a new car. "The Stratus." What a great way to ring out the old year and ring in the new! It's odd trying to fit a full year of your life into a few paragraphs. I guess that's why I've never attempted one of these Christmas letters before. If I had to recap the year in a sentence or two, I'd have to say that 2003 was a year of connecting. Reconnecting with my art, and connecting with friends, old and new. Neither could have existed without the other. Both are completely about love. Absolutely, about love. Love is all you need. So tonight, my Christmas wish for you, dear reader, is that during this holiday season, you connect with a part of yourself and with those around you. I wish you love. I wish you peace. I wish you happiness. I hope you can stumble upon an entirely new set of dreams. "So this is
Xmas, what have you done? Another year over, a new one just begun.
And so this is Xmas,
for weak and for strong. For rich and for poor ones, the world
is so wrong. And, so this is
Xmas, and what have we done? Another year over, and a new one
just begun. A very Merry Xmas, and a happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear. War is over, if you want it. War is over, now." Merry Christmas. |
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Meaningful
Chaos Today's agenda is quite full as well. There are many presents to be wrapped, a CD has to be burned for my sister, flowers to be purchased for Mom, a quick visit at the cemetery to wish my cousin Michael a Merry Christmas, laundry must get done, and then off to Grandma M.s for supper and Grandpa and Grandma V.H.s after that. Tonight I will sleep over at Mom and Dad's, which has also become part of the tradition, so I can get up in the morning and help Mom start with brunch. An overnight bag will have to be packed. Yup, things are in full gear. Tomorrow night, after the day begins to wind down, I have a Christmas post to compose that's been forming in my head. That will be my Christmas message to you. Things are good. Busy, but good. I'm not about to let the chaos of this holiday season overshadow the true meaning of the day. I hope your plans are going just fine! |
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More later. (I never thought I'd see the day when Bennifer Lofleck's picture is on my website!! LOL) |
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Got
'Til It's Gone Somehow, this tradition started when I was in college. From what I remember, my Freshman year Grandpa realized that I was on winter break for a month, so he asked me to help him with his village. Since then, the tradition stuck. I missed it last year due to my Christmas video, but otherwise, this is going on 12 years strong. This thing is a big deal with lots of pieces, which gets bigger each year. But after the Griswold-like display I help Dad with (thanks for the DVD Todd!!!), this Christmas village is a piece of cake. I always chuckle to myself. This project should take a couple hours at most, but Grandpa always turns it into a much bigger deal than it has to be. It always turns into lunch, then candy, look at these cards, look at what so-and-so bought us, do you want a soda, are you sure, etc., etc., etc. No matter when we set this up to do it, he's never prepared. He always has to go and search through the endless piles of stuff they've pack-ratted away for the past 77 years of their lives. I realize, though, how lucky I am, to have 3 out 4 of my grandparents still alive (my other grandma will be 91 next month), and to have this tradition with them. I realize that if it wasn't for me, the village wouldn't go up; Grandpa needs me to climb around, behind, and under the tree and figure out how to hook up and hide all of the chords. Sometimes I catch myself getting caught up in things, feeling like it's one of those things that takes up my time, which I don' t have...But then I catch myself quickly realizing how lucky I am to share this time with my grandparents. I think back to when I was younger, back when my family used to live with them, and then in high school how I used to work over there on the weekends and during the summer. I think of what an extremely important part of my life they are. They've affected who I am who I am because of who they are. I don't see them nearly as much as I used to. I've seen them 3 times over the past 2 weeks, but other than that, it's been months. The holidays and these traditions sometimes make me realize what I have, and how I have to start making more time for them. There's a lyric from a Joni Mitchell song that goes "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." I'm glad that lyric doesn't ring true for me where my family is concerned. With them, I know what I've got, and feel so lucky. I know that some day they will be gone. Helping Grandpa put up his Christmas village is a good thing. Now I'm off to decorate a small Christmas tree for my brother who doesn't have one (or know I'm doing this), and then catch the Packer game with Splash, Jason, and Dirk. Puttin' miles on the ol' Stratus already! These are good times. |
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Part of my concern about the car thing was that I didn't know what my options were with getting a loan. When I was a lot younger, I'm ashamed to say, I did a few foolish things where my credit is concerned. Those things have been haunting me in the back of my mind ever since my car showed it's first signs of illness. I wasn't even sure if I could get a loan. Then what would I do? The not knowing in all of this was what was killing me. People asked me, what kind of car I wanted to get. I didn't even know if a bank would give me the option to get that far. It pissed me off that stupid mistakes of my past would come to bite me in the ass now. But I knew that day was coming. It was just a matter of time. When I woke up yesterday morning, I knew my first thing to do was empty out the Beretta. As the car was showing signs of decay, I took less and less care of the appearance of it. The trunk was full of crap, as well the glove box. As I was taking the stuff out, I kept finding myself wanting to a feel pang of sadness that I was saying goodbye. I know that sounds cheesy and silly, but that car's been part of my life for 10 years. But as I was cleaning it out, leaving my keys in it so a friend could tow it away to use for spare parts, I looked at it in my parent's rear view mirror and thought to myself "Good riddance, you've been nothing but grief for the past few years."
As I drove away yesterday, I realized there'd be nothing I'd miss about that car, except maybe some early memories of the freedom of having my own car. But those are just memories. Yes, good riddance in deed. My plan was to start car shopping after Christmas. I just didn't want to deal with anymore bad news until after the holidays. But as I was driving off of that frontage road, with a local dealership in my sight, I realized it was a bit of sign that I was less than a mile away from the dealership that my family have bought around half a dozen of vehicles from in past few years. As I was driving away, I realized it was time to take the bull by the horns and deal with this. Get this thing over. I'm realizing as I get older, that with any problem I have, no matter how bad, it's when I try to ignore it, that it gets out control. In a way, kind of like that oil leak on the Beretta. I went to the couple local dealerships. Local, but very large, credible dealerships associated with certain car manufacturers. Not just one of those smarmy small lots when the entire thing feels a bit shady. In my mind, there was no real question that I would look at those places, just to keep my business local. My parents and brother have had such good luck with these lots, with the service they've gotten over the years, and with the vehicles they bought. I drove around for quite some time, finding out more and more what I didn't want, what I couldn't afford. I realized that my main purchasing point, actually, was a certain monthly payment. A salesperson asked me if he could help. I was up front with him and told him that I wasn't really sure where I stood with the credit department, and didn't know what my options were. I told him that I didn't want to waste any of his time until I knew what my options were and what my spending power was. I asked him if could fill out a credit application first. This was a bit out of the ordinary, but not a problem. Suddenly I found myself facing the unknown, when just a day previous, I thought I'd avoid this situation for at least another week. But I'd be avoiding things long enough, I thought, and I chuckled to myself, how the motions of the day were beginning to sweep me away. (As I'm writing this, the song Stuck In A Moment by U2 is playing. The chorus is "You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment that you can't get out of." Fitting?) In the end, my credit rating did have a few "hiccups" on it from the past, but nothing nearly as bad as I'd been imagining. I wasn't going to be able to take advantage of zero percent interest or a few deals like that, but I was definitely not going to have a problem getting a loan, either. The salesperson showed me what they had for vehicles in the price point I wanted to spend. they gave me the keys to test drive them. I took one over to Mom and Dad's to show them and see what they thought. When I got over there, Dad was gone, out looking for cars for me. Friday night he was looking in the paper for me and yesterday he went out driving around, getting prices for cars he thought I should get. I went back to the dealership, and there Dad was. In the momentum of the day yesterday, suddenly, my dad shows up. I always used to say that he and I have no relationship, that we never talk, etc., etc. But his actions yesterday, in my time of need, spoke such volumes to me. Sure, he and I really don't talk, but he been there for me, just like I've been there for him. In the end, that's all that really matters. The rest are all the special options that are nice but that I don't really need. Dad had a few quotes for me from other dealerships that he checked out for me. His point in my journey for that day was over now, though, he had a journey of his own to deal with. He decided to buy mom a new Grand Cherokee that he'd had his eye on for quite some time. I had to laugh; there were 2 G. Meulemans at this certain dealership, both ready to make purchases. To add to the chaotic quality things were beginning to take, my brother showed up at the place, checking on the status of his fog lights for the Jeep he just bought a couple weeks ago. It was actually kind of funny. I couldn't help but think that this was all meant to happen and a huge sign, telling me I was doing the right thing. Having my family physically there, by my side, told me it was going to be okay.
As for the credit thing, well this car loan will only help a situation that wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought. This will help me get that aspect of things back on track. I faced the dragon, and found out he wasn't nearly as big as I thought. So I start out this holiday season and my Christmas vacation on a positive note, with a new outlook, a new beginning, and a really kick ass car! It's so great to put a few things to rest and move forward with my life! Merry Christmas indeed. :) That's all for now, this post is long enough. |
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Let
'Er R.I.P. This is one of those stupid situations that I allowed myself to get into, under nobody's fault but my own. I feel stupid for letting it get this far. I saw this happening for quite sometime. But I just had to keep pushing it. It seems a bit ironic that this happened, on my last work day of the year, on the darkest work day of the year for me with the least amount of sunlight. My immediate plans are to go to the frontage road where the Beretta is parked tomorrow morning, clear out the trunk and interior for any belongings, and then have it towed off to its burial ground. Then, I guess, the quest for the new car begins. I'm so not looking forward to this. Plus, I feel like I'm coming down with something. Way too much of a good thing the past few weeks. Hopefully I haven't caught the nasty flu bug that one of my co-workers came to work with all week. Merry Christmas. |
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Full
Speed Ahead On Tuesday night, 24 kicked some major ass. That show gets better and more intense each week. It just seemed to add to the intensity of the week.
The momentum of the week continues tonight as I have to leave for drawing class, and I'm sure, margarita night that will follow, in less than an hour. Another day where I'm beat and have plans to stay out late. Again. I'm not sure where the energy for class or the drinks will come from. Thank goodness I only have one day left of work this year! I'm looking forward to relaxing this weekend. My cat is beginning to demand some of my time. That's all for now. If you're into the movie and have seen it, post your opinion of it on my discussion board. I don't want to ruin anything for anybody who hasn't seen it yet, but it you go to that section of the discussion board, you can talk freely about it. |
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I won't be home tonight, so this is my post for the day. Today has finally arrived. The final chapter of Lord Of The Rings is out. A year's worth of anticipation will come to fruition tonight. All my questions will be answered. Now I just have to get through the work day, somehow focus today. This movie's slowly becoming my obsession, making it harder to concentrate on work this week. Sometimes I think it's harder, when I have no pressing deadlines. It's harder to get things done. It's harder to remain focused. The doodle on the right was done during a staff meeting yesterday; this shows you where my mind is. Precious. As I try to shake the sleep from this body and look forward to this new day, this good day, I can feel the flutter of butterflies waking up in this stomach of mine as well. I love these days, when there's a big event, something good to look forward to. In a weird way, it's what the year was building up to. I'm not sure what to make of these 6:00 am postings. My mind is barely awake enough to figure out how to walk to the bathroom correctly, much less try to get in touch with how I feel. It almost feels like it would be easier to write about something after it's happened instead of writing about the anticipation of it happening. I'll have to rely on the spell-check a little bit more this morning. The shower is going to feel great today. For anybody who's going to see the movie today or tonight, I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm sure I probably will. That's all for now. Now I have to get ready for work. |
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But tonight's post isn't about all of that. It's about the great new people I've met in my class. How they've become such good friends to me. How they've become such inspirations to me. But yet, hasn't Frodo and Sam and Aragorn become inspirations to me as well? If not the characters, Peter Jackson has for sure, with his creativity and sincerity in his storytelling. It's hard to imagine that he's the same director who did Meet The Feebles and Dead Alive, the bloodiest movie I've ever seen. But I'm not here tonight to talk about Peter Jackson, or I'll try not to at least.
Yeah, my art. Um, art is cool. Yeah. Who am I kidding? This movie is the biggest thing to happen since Star Wars and may even overshadow it for this new millennium, I think. "Think not, do." Okay, that's enough. Perhaps 24 will clear my head, calm these nerves. For some reason, I think I may have a hard time sleeping tonight, like a little kid at Christmas. I guess that's what I am. More of a hobbit the week before Christmas, though. Like I said, enough. Brandon sent another cool article today about LOTR; how the saga is destined to become a classic. The story has passed the censors and contains no spoilers. If this is your thing, check out this link. Tuesday's playlist: 1. Tori Amos - Tales Of A Librarian 2. Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King soundtrack 3. Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man 4. U2 - Boy |
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Feliz
Navidad
It's amazing to me. The man is an excavator by trade; he runs a digger with a huge bucket on the front. He can dig a basement with a huge claw with precision that boggles my mind. He's had to demolish buildings in extremely close quarters, and uses his machine with the finesse of a paint brush. The man can parallel park a semi-truck. But he has no idea how to set a $12.99 timer from Fleet Farm. He won't even try. In many ways, I see myself. Replace his digger with a computer mouse, and there I am.
Once I got down there, I realized I didn't know these people. It was a Latino family, who spoke no English, snapping pictures of each other in front of the trees, the sign, the train, and the crib. Their excitement was awesome. I wished them a Feliz Navidad (that song finally did me some good), shook the father's hand, and saw them off.
Mom and Dad are so proud of their light display. Hell, I'm proud of it. They love seeing people slow down to a crawl as they drive by. They love the fact that I sent their address into the local paper for it's annual display of lights section. The top photo you see in this post doesn't begin to capture all of the lights, either. There are about 25 trees in the back, a dozen or so more on the one side of the house, and the entire length of the driveway is lined down to the road. It's quite a spectacle. My immediate reaction to the family taking the pictures was the same reaction I get when I find out that my website is linked to a new site, or that my numbers for the day on my webstats have increased. What Dad's doing with the timers and me putting their address in the paper is much the same thing I'm doing with this website: trying to increase traffic. Dad's lights to him are what my website is to me. Our precious. Our obsessions. Our big ideas, out of control. I had to laugh to myself when I realized that that's what we were both doing; and how, day after day, I'm becoming my old man, just a slightly newer model of a newer generation. :) Monday's playlist: 1. Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King soundtrack 2. Coldplay - Parachutes 3. Prince - Prince 4. U2 - The Unforgettable Fire 5. Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics 6. American Idol - The Great Holiday Classics |
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Family
Matters
Anyway, when I got there, she and Dad had just finished putting up the tree. Now Mom just had to decorate it. My mom is quite particular with her tree. It takes her many hours to decorated it; she has to have everything just right (I know where I get it from). I actually joke with her that I'm surprised she doesn't get a ruler out to make sure all of the ornaments are the same distance apart from each other. That's how bad it is. I told them I was going to take off, that I just stopped over to say hello. I got the ol' "Why don't you stay for awhile?" "Alright," I said, "Let's get this thing up." We got the radio out, cranked up some Christmas tunes, and got to work. I actually took charge a bit and got things going. She was really digging how it was turning out. We enjoyed some nice memories as we put up some of the ornaments. She has a pink and silver Christmas bulb from her grandmother, which we figure is over 60 years old. She has ornaments that we gave her when we were all kids. As my friend John commented on my discussion board, the Christmas tree has become the family tree. I have to admit, it was nice. We shared a few special moments, mom shed a few sentimental tears, and I helped her with her burden. I helped her get over the huge project of getting the tree up. Within a couple of hours, we had it done. I joked with her that now I didn't have to get her a Christmas present. She thanked me about 4 times. I left last night later than I had hoped, realizing that my plans for my evening were shot, but didn't really seem to mind. It felt good to do this with my mom, for my mom, do what wasn't expected of me, and be the good son. I'm glad I did it. :)
He loved the Rudolph play set I got him. Has anyone opened up toys lately? They've got everything twisted and tapped in there; it's ridiculous. I think it would be easier breaking out of prison than getting those toys out of the box. After about 30 minutes of untying those little twisty things, he was able to line all the characters up on the fireplace. His favorite character seems to be the lead elf that hassles Hermie. My present was cast aside as soon as he opened up the 350 piece Lincoln Log set from Mom and Dad. I ended up spending the entire afternoon building houses with him for Hermie, Ruldoph, and Yukon. He had a blast. It was a good weekend. I'm looking forward to next week. Work should be quite mellow. My projects consists of making a few changes that we came across at the pilot, and that's it. This week, no deadlines! Once I put my time in, I'm off for the full 2 weeks of the holidays. I can't wait. I've got my tickets purchased for the Return Of The King for Wednesday night. That will be the greatest part of the week, I'm so f'in pumped! Things are good. That's all for now. This blogger is blogged out. Bliggity bloggidy blue. Blogging to: Clay Aiken - The Measure Of A Man |
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After class each Thursday night, Mark, Mara, and I go out for margaritas. It's a great way to talk about the class, but always stems into something more. We always delve into so many aspects of life and love, and it always comes back to art. The margaritas go down fabulously, and it's always a great time. It's such a necessity for me to be able to connect with fellow artists, learn from each other, and really gain an understanding about myself and my art by talking to them. Mark and Mara are some of the most passionate artists I know. They've become such an inspiration to me. Their ambition to draw and paint is amazing. It's gotten to the point that when they go out, they bring sketch pads along and draw whatever tickles their fancy. On this particular night, I brought along my sketch book into the bar and everybody took turns drawing in it. It was way cool. The purpose for this post on this Saturday afternoon will be a visual tour of the magic that is margarita night.
What I love about this sketch is that in his attempt to imitate me, I think he captured John Lennon's drawing style, which I've always loved. Coincidence? I'm always fascinated when I see how somebody draws me, when I see how they see me. It's a cool trip. The last group of sketches seen below aren't the newest crop of celebrity mug shots, but rather are quick, 15 minute drawings that we did of each other. They're a bit funny for me to see now, because I know by this point of the night, the conversation was flowing pretty freely, and the sauce was flowing even better. I have to preface these drawings with the fact that bar is quite dark, and the margaritas were quite tasty. The left one is my attempt to draw Mark, the middle one is Mark drawing Mara, and the right one is Mara drawing me. Seeing how Mara captured my essence is a bit haunting to me. I not only see my own resemblance, but I also see a huge resemblance of my grandpa Meulemans, who everybody says I look like. Mara's work just keeps getting better and better every week. I really think she's destined to be a great artist. One of the things I always strive to do on this site is have every drawing or photograph be my own. Since April when I launched this site, I posted a drawing that my friend Vicki sent me, and some photos somebody took of one of the sailing races I was in, but otherwise, it's always been of all my own doing. But today, it felt so right to scan in and post Mark and Mara's drawings as well. They are, after all, in my sketch book. It's such an integral part of margarita night. It's actually quite cool for me to post their drawings amongst my own, a honor really. Knowing Mark and Mara has been one of the coolest things that's happened to me in all of 2003. I feel like they've really enriched my life by inspiring my art. Ah, the magic of margarita night. Group hug. :)
Congrats to fellow blogger Dawn and her husband Eric for the arrival of little Alex. Congratulations! Saturday's playlist: 1. Christmas 2001: Let There Be Peace On Earth (a G-Man Ink collection) 2. Billy Gilman - Classic Christmas 3. Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton - Once Upon A Christmas Hey, it's Christmas! |
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The
Magic That Is Buck Night My friend Brandon sent me a link to a really cool article about Lord of the Rings, if anybody's interested. The article contains no spoilers on the movie, so it's safe to read. I have no idea how it ends and am trying to avoid all media at all costs. I'd like to be surprised on Wednesday night. If LOTR is your is your thing, check out this link. Congrats to woodsprite on her new job!! Way to go Heather!! Thanks all for now. Apparently, there's more drinking to do! |
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Sunshine
Day
The gray sky dumped the blizzard on us yesterday, purged the grayness, I suppose, so we could have the sunshine today. When I got to work this morning, I shot this photo from our office as I was getting our digital camera ready for the day. Seeing the sunrise had to be a good omen, I thought, it just had to be. Today my coworker Jamie and I had a pilot run of a new class that we've been working on. We call these trial-runs "pilots" because it's the first time the course is shown to the public. The classroom is filled with local students and industry experts who sit through the class, then shoot holes in it and critique it. Sometimes, our pilots can be extremely brutal. Today's pilot was a relatively new experience for me. It's one of the first online training programs that our company's developing. I've had complete creative control on the look, feel, pacing, navigation, design, etc. on this product. My high level of interaction with our subject matter expert made this a complete collaboration. Because this is one of the first online training programs that we've piloted, I was quite concerned. My stomach was in knots all morning. This was the project that's been weighing me down the past few months. It's been the one that I've been constantly banging my head against the wall over. I fought with file formats, video drivers, interface issues, connection speeds, firewalls, etc. There was a huge learning curve on the interactive aspect of the training; I had to learn new software and change my approach to things. So much of this was completely new territory for us. I had so many hurdles to cross. The biggest ones I faced, though, were the ones I set up myself. Well, the sunshine proved me right. The pilot went amazingly well. Better than we could have hoped for. My boss told me it was quite commendable. He said it was something to be proud of. The students in the class loved it. They had nothing but good things to say about it. The cool thing for me is that all of the interface issues that I've belabored over all year, weren't an issue at all. People found it intuitive and easy to use, which was my ultimate goal. In the end, our hard work paid off. Everything I've been doing for the past couple of years regarding our online training development (and the path that my career is taking) seemed validated today. We finally got proof that we're completely on the right track. Jamie and I kicked some major ass today. Today was one of those days that my hard work was validated and recognized by an audience whose voice I rarely hear, by the managers of my company who I respect, by talented coworkers, and by myself. Today was one of those days at work that I needed so desperately for so long. Today I can honestly say I love my job and believe in it 100%. Today was a good day. Thursday's playlist: Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King soundtrack Now, off to art class. Let's top this day off right! |
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More
Talking Trees I put my tree up the weekend of Thanksgiving. It's the earliest that I've ever done that, but I'm glad I did; I actually get to enjoy my tree for awhile before the holidays. Last year, I didn't put one up until about 2 or 3 days before Christmas. I was working on a video for my family for a Christmas gift that consumed almost all of my time. The idea of not having a tree last year seemed completely blasphemis to me. It was something I had to do. I couldn't imagine not putting up a Christmas tree. Funny, how all of these traditions get so ingrained in who we are, in what we do, in what we feel obligated to do, without really knowing what the traditions are about. To be honest, I have no idea what the original tradition of the Christmas tree is. It's just been one of those things I've come to accept during my life without ever questioning it for even a moment. For me, the traditions my tree represent in my life are much more important than how the original traditions came to be. My tree is full of ornaments and beads. Many of the branches have 3 or 4 ornaments on each of them. I don't think I could fit another decoration on it if I tried. Every year I say this, but I think it's the best tree I've had yet. So many of the decorations on my tree have some connection or story behind them. My grandma and Mom gave me many of their hand-me-downs ornaments when I was a younger bachelor starting out on my own. There's something very cool to me, about having all of these old ornaments that they once decorated their trees with. Many of them, I remember putting on our trees growing up. Each year, Mom and Dad give me a new ornament with the year on it; those always go near the top. I have a few gold bells engraved from my Grandpa and Grandma Meulemans that stem back to 1973 and 1976. I have a sleigh made out of popsicle sticks that I decorated with a silver marker and gave to all of my relatives in 1984. Everybody on both my mom and dad's side of the family have one of these ornaments that I made. I have a Saint Patrick ornament from my Ireland trip from 2002. I have a family portrait from 1996. A picture of my cat from 2000. I even have an ornament from an ex-girlfriend from 1999; although it's a currently positioned near the back of the tree, it still represents a moment of my life that I don't regret. My tree is more to me than just a symbol of the holidays. It's a symbol of traditions and love and some of the stories in my life that I have to tell. I hope everybody gets the same value out of their trees and don't see them as just a chore to put up and take down. I hope people understand the stories that these trees have to tell. The picture in this post was the photocard I sent out to my friends and family for Christmas of 1999. It was the first time I experimented with night photography. I love this photo! Wednesday's playlist: Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King soundtrack |
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Friday night's post was the same way; my intentions were to write about my art class and post my drawings from the class. But when I talked to my sister, and she informed me how Derick is slowly driving them nuts with the CD that I made him, that incubated into the post for that night.
I guess when you're writing about life, you have an endless pool of inspiration around you. It's just the artists' job to harness that inspiration. At times, it doesn't come as natural or as easy. Sometimes, after a particularly crummy or monotonous day at work, I may have a billion things I want to write about, but struggle to find the energy to do it. At times, it takes real discipline. Thinking back to Thursday night's art class, I realize that our model did much the same thing. She was noticeably exhausted. It sounds like she's a full time student, plus a tutor, plus modeled three or four times that week. Her exhaustion came through in everybody's drawings, but yet, so did her dedication. She was a fantastic model. One of those people who made light of her heavy work load. She never once complained or twitched. Somehow, she still found her zone. Her dedication inspired us all. My friend Mara did the best drawing that I've seen since I've known her. It was quite breath-taking actually. Everybody's work keeps getting better and better. And because of that, despite some of our exhaustion, the inspiration continues. After class, we went out for margaritas (naturally), and were so inspired that we drew each other at the bar. What a surreal experience that was. Mark amazingly captured my essence. I drew a quick 10 minute drawing of Mara that I was quite proud of (although it's in her book, otherwise I would have posted that as well). It seems like at times, with just a little hard work and dedication, one can overcome their exhaustion and proceed to come up with something quite grand. This can also relate to Christmas, I suppose. I've been busting my ass, decorating my house and tree, cleaning, shopping, working on Christmas cards, etc. But instead of being overwhelmed by the holidays, I'm setting a few small goals for myself each night. Through this hard work, I've really been able to enjoy some Christmas candy and my tree and my computer room decorated with lights. It's that old saying, "Shit or get off the can," I suppose. The holidays are coming at us in full gear. They're what we make of them. Personally, despite a little hard work, I like to make the most of mine. That's all for now. Tuesday's playlist: 1. The Beatles - Let It Be...Naked 2. Assorted songs by John Lennon and the Beatles 3. U2 - Zooropa P.S. On a kind of related note tonight, my friend Brandon called me to inform me that Rudolph was on CBS. He knew, after reading one of my entries, that it's one of my favorite holiday classics. I was actually going to watch The Simple Life (very guilty pleasure), but decided to turn on Rudolph instead. What seemed funny though, in fitting with my extended directors cut of The Two Towers that we watched this weekend, was that there was added footage that I never saw before. When the elves are singing "We Are Santa's Elves," I noticed a few extended scenes of the elves playing musical instruments. And then once Rudolph and Hermie hook up, they sang "We're A Couple Of Misfits" instead of "Fame And Fortune" which I'm accustomed too. It was quite a nice surprise. Anybody know the story behind the alternative footage? |
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I left work in a huff. I couldn't believe how dark out it was at 4:30 already. I know the days are at almost their shortest, but today was ridiculous. The darkness coupled with my pissy attitude made me skip my workout. I decided to salvage something from my night, and finish some Christmas shopping. What a bad idea when you're in a bad mood. As I was lurking around the music store, upset that they didn't have the gift I needed to get, just feeling like a real bear, I overheard something on the radio that changed my mood tonight on a dime: 23 years ago today, John Lennon was shot twice in the back and died almost immediately. The DJ played the original announcement by Howard Cosell, as he broke the news to the world on a Monday night football game. Then the DJ played "Imagine." Suddenly, my bad mood was put on the shelf. I was in the fifth grade when this happened in 1980. I remember it being a very gray morning when I found out. I remember knowing that this was big news; so many people seemed so very sad. It just didn't make sense to me that day; I just didn't understand it back then. I remember that morning quite vividly, even though John Lennon was little more than just a hippy to me at the time. But as I got older, I go into the Beatles; initially from a few high school friends and then eventually by my college ones. I slowly began to understand the impact of this band. I slowly began to understand his impact. Since college, I've been a die hard fan of the Beatles, of the group first, and then slowly of each one individually. Every time I see the story about John's assassination, it seems a little more real to me. I understand it's impact a little bit more. The memories I've had in the past 15 years or so of my life relating to their music since are priceless. I distinctly remember what I was doing the first time I heard "A Day In The Life" in college (and who I was doing it with!). I remember buying "The White Album" the day I got my job. I remember watching Imagine for the first time, and having his death really hit me. I remember a surprise birthday party somebody threw for me, being drunk off my ass laying on the floor singing along to "Revolution." I remember my aunts and uncle singing "Grow Old With Me" at my sister's wedding. I remember using "In My Life" for the video I made for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. And I vaguely remember, quite recently, actually, being dressed up like a hobbit, singing Beatles songs to kareokee. I couldn't imagine my life without their music. It's added such a rich layer to who I am, their impact on me in undeniable. Tonight after supper, I decided to go for a walk on this brisk December night, and celebrate the music of John Lennon. My walk started with "Happy X-Mas (War Is Over)." I can't imagine Christmas without that song. Hearing that song tonight, on this anniversary of his death, as I walked past all of the homes decorated with Christmas lights, it took on a much stronger meaning. I imagined what the world would have been like had John never met Paul, had there never been the Beatles. I imagined what music would be like today if it wasn't for John and Paul and George and Ringo. There'd be no U2 or R.E.M., no White Stripes or Coldplay, no Sting or Beck. They defined pop music. They defined rock and roll. I imagined John's spirit, hovering across the universe. I imagine it affecting generations to come. I imagined if it was true, if all you needed was love; if all you had to do was give peace a chance. I can't imagine the world without his voice. Without his message. Without his peace. Without his love. I wonder how John is doing now, now that his spirit is free as a bird. I imagined what life would be like today, if John had never died. But more importantly, I think, I imagined life, if John Lennon had never lived. The graphic in this post was originally used in an earlier post from this past April, when our country started a war in a foreign land. I wondered "What would John Lennon do?" His voice lives on. I usually don't reuse drawings already posted, but this one said best what I needed to say. Peace. All you need is love. Special thanks today to Guillermo and his blog What's A Gurg? Thanks for the link! I've been enjoying your site too! Monday's playlist: 1. Bob Marley And The Wailers - Legend 2. Madonna - Music 3. Beck - Mutations 4. The Beatles - Let It Be...Naked |
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This little festival is also a good way for me to have my friends over for a little pre-holiday cheer. I have my house decorated for Chirstmas, inside and out, plus we had food and beer galore. A good time was had by all. As I was I sitting there with some really good friends, a few new to the mix, a few that have been by my side for almost a decade, I had a moment where I looked up, saw my group of friends, and was overwhelmed by the realization that, hey, we're all grown ups now. One friend has been dealing with his mother's failing health issues, another dealing with the death of a brother, there were two expecting fathers, a newly engaged couple, and somebody dealing with the loss of the job. Who knows what other personal struggles or triumphs were happening to my friends that I don't know about. Looking at my friends in the room lit by Christmas lights and candles, I was a bit floored for a moment, by how some of the big events in life are happening to us right now. We're the adults now; it's our turn to deal with these issues. As life goes on, more and more of these things happen, I suppose. These are the moments in life that truly affect us, make us who we are. As I get older, I'm beginning to understanding love a bit more...or recognize it, at least. I see it in the bond of marriage with my friends and family around me. I see it with new life, new generations carrying on traditions, new love and legacies passing on from one generation to the next. These things enrich us, make it all worth living, and build layers onto who we are and who we will eventually become. I guess that's where maturity really lies. Conversely, though, with all the hardships and sorrows that we must endure in this life, as the heaviness of it weighs us down - hell, sometimes beats us down, our reactions and responses to those moments also form us into the adults who we are destined to become. It's the combination of these huge towers of life that flesh them out as our stories unfold. No one can escape this aspect of life. That is life. As I was sitting there with my friends last night, knowing that all of these huge things are going on with them all, I realized that there are so many things in life that really, truly, deeply, profoundly matter. Knowing that we're going through them together, while sharing friendship and laughter, last night at least, is an amazing thing. For me, it's one of the things in life that really matters. |
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I see so much of myself in him at this age. I remember all the excitement I had for Christmas and the surrounding holidays. I would chatter my teeth on Christmas morning, I was that excited. Tonight is the night that St. Nick comes. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a precursor to Christmas. Santa stops by and leaves an early present, usually candy, as an indication of the stash he'd be dropping off on Christmas Eve. I remember as a kid, how excited I was for this night. He'd never show up when we were asleep; instead, he'd always drop the bags of candy off sometime after supper. Dad was usually out in the barn doing chores, when we'd hear a commotion in the entrance to our trailer. Mom would go in the entrance and exclaim, "St. Nick came! St. Nick came!" We'd rush into the entrance, find the lunch bags of candy with each of our names written on them. I always noticed that the handwriting looked vaguely similar to Mom's, but never made any connection. We'd rush into the living room, dump out the bags of candy, count all the pieces, separate them into little piles, and eat until our fat little bellies couldn't handle it anymore. Dad would always come in minutes after our discovery, sometimes asking us what all the commotion was about, other times telling us that he |
Headline
News
A Subtle
Hint
My
initial excuse for why I don't like the larger drawing is that
the model was quite fidgety all night. He just would not sit
still. It gets quite frustrating, when drawing from life, but
that is always the challenge at hand for any artist.
Instead,
this model talked endless shit about another model, talked about
certain legal matters he wants to take to make a quick buck,
and spewed out a few hateful things about certain people. It
was done in extremely bad, jaw dropping taste.
I
live across the street from the Catholic church that I went to
as a kid. I woke up this morning to the sound of church bells,
which I do many times. I usually lay there, and count the rings...telling
me what time it is. This morning the rings kept coming...10...11...12!
I couldn't believe it, I'd slept past noon! This is the first
time in over a year that I've done this on a morning off. I was
in one of those deep sleeps where I woke up with a pillow full
of drool! This was my body's way of recuperating, I believe,
finally giving me the much needed down time I've been waiting
for all year.
Time
For A Toast
Last
night, I went out with my friend Mara from my art class. Every
time we get together, the time just flies by. The above drawing
was done on a receipt that was in my wallet as I was waiting
for her to show up. When she got there, we had a toast, as we
always do, it seems. We toasted to life, love, art, and the pursuit
of all three. We somehow found ourselves at this very 
My
Christmas Letter To You
With
Friends Like These....
Well, it seems like the
hustle and bustle of my Christmas vacation is in full gear. I'm
already at the point in my vacation where I'm not sure what day
it is anymore. All day Saturday was spent car shopping, yesterday
I had a family thing at one of my aunt and uncle's house, and
today I spent the afternoon with Grandpa and Grandma "helping"
them set up their Christmas village under the tree.
Stuck
In A Moment
I
surely wasn't going to miss the way the low oil light stayed
on all the time. I wasn't going to miss the way the rear view
mirror fell off, and found a spot in the trunk. I wasn't going
to miss the way the blinkers were slowly fading, and on how that
really cold day, they didn't work at all. I wasn't going to miss
the front seat shredded by 10 years of seat belt use. I wasn't
going to miss the heavy clunk I keep hearing, telling me the
suspension was rusting out. I wasn't going to miss the defrost
only steaming up the windows lately and the smell of anti-freeze
coming through the vents. I wasn't going to miss the clunking
of the door every time I opened it, wondering when it was going
to fall off. Next summer, I wasn't going to miss the air conditioner
not working, either. And I won't miss that damn oil leak, that
one that's stained my driveway with a thick puddle that looks
like the sketch from Friday's post. At my parent's house, they'd
asked me to park in the gravel on the side of the shed, as to
not stain their blacktop. I couldn't blame them.
I
looked around for awhile more, and keep coming back to the car
I drove over to my parents. I loved the body style, I loved the
dashboard display, and most importantly, I loved how it drove.
No matter what car I looked at or tested out, I kept coming back
to that one.
So
yesterday, after spending the entire day between 2 car lots,
I drove home in my new 2002 Dodge Stratus. Power windows, seats,
and locks, A/C, V-6 engine (some real pickup!), keyless entry
and remote. I love it! I was practically giddy for the rest of
the day. Now it was all behind me. The days of wondering if my
car was going to start, that feeling of reliability which been
gone for years finally came back, came to life.
Well the momentum of the
past few weeks seems to have caught up with me. This morning,
on the way to work, my Beretta, my "piece-of-shit-car"
as I call it, official died on me. The car is 12 years old, and
it's been dying a slow, ugly death. The motor, which has been
replaced twice, seized up this morning, due to a lack of oil
due to a bad oil leak. It's been time for a new car for over
5 years, but somehow I let it linger on. In a way, the timing
to buy a new car is horrible, right on top of Christmas. The
holidays have me tapped out a bit on cash. But in a lot of ways,
I feel lucky. When the car died on me this morning, I was a few
miles from home. This was the first morning in a while that I
actually had my cell phone with me and charged. I was able to
call my sister; she came with the boys and picked me up and took
me to work. I had to wait in my car a for half an hour or so,
and things got a bit cold, but I kept thinking of the alternative.
Last night, I went to my art class which is at least 30 miles
from home. The university is in the middle of nowhere. I got
home at about 2:00 as I went out for margaritas with my friends.
What would have happened if the car seized up on me somewhere
last night? What if I would have been stuck in the middle of
nowhere on I-43, at 1:30 in the morning? I thought I was cold
this morning. I was lucky to be able to call my sister this morning.
Who would I have called at 1:30? What would have happened, on
that cold dark interstate so late into the night? Could I have
called for help, with 3 drinks under my belt? Would a cop have
said I had too much to drink? Talk about worse case scenarios.
I feel lucky how this happened. And although it sucks that I
have to go car shopping, at least I'm off of work for the next
2 weeks, and have some time to deal with this. I'm currently
borrowing my parents car. Dad has a truck for work that he drives,
so in a sense, they have an extra vehicle that I can borrow for
awhile.
Last night, of course, was
the big movie night that I've been waiting for the past year.
It was fuckin' AWESOME!!!!! This movie was so huge for me. It
was better than I could have imagined it to be. It was better
than I could have hoped it to be. There wasn't a moment that
I wasn't in awe, moved, or inspired. It took my imagination to
places it's never been before. I felt like it was a true experience
that generations to come will be able to enjoy and be inspired
by. I feel the bond that this movie has forged with a handful
of friends of mine, my very little own fellowship. That's an
amazing thing. This movie is something that is now ingrained
in my life, part of my life. It's such a huge entity on this
site, really; almost a secondary character like many of my friends
and family whose names always seem to get mentioned. This was
the best Christmas present anybody could have given me this year.
Today, though, I'm beat. After the movie, Mark and I grabbed
a bite to eat and discussed the movie for quite some time. By
the time I got home and ready for bed, it was past 1:00 am. 6:00
comes quite fast.
Anticipation
What
Tonight's Post Isn't About
But
my goal tonight is to talk about my art class. About how things
keep getting more intense. About how the models keep getting
better each session. How I feel like I keep getting better
each time. Anything, really, to get my mind off of Lord Of
The Rings, really. I was so completely worthless at work
today, all I could think about was that movie. My friend Brandon
is just as bad as I am; he fuels my fire where my obsession with
this movie is concerned.
Tonight
I'm here to ponder on what my life would be like right now, if
I didn't reconnect with my art last April. What would have taken
it's place? Would I still be doing this site? Would I have gotten
the drawing table for Christmas that just arrived today? What
would I be doing on my Thursday nights? Would I have started
caring about Friends or Survivor again? I can't
imagine my life like that now. I can't imagine the past 3 Christmases
without a Lord Of The Rings release, either. I can't imagine
not having this movie to inspire countless lunch conversations
with Brandon. I couldn't imagine not having the past year of
endless speculation: What's going to happen to Frodo? What's
going to happen to Sam? Will Aragorn become king? What will become
of Gollum? Who's going to die? How is this damn thing gonna end?!
How can they possibly wrap it up in a mere 3 hours 30 minutes?
I wonder, what would my catch phrase of the year had been if
it wasn't for "my precious?" How would my imagination
have kept itself busy, without being introduced to the magic
of Treebeard and an all-consuming ring of power? But I'm not
here to talk about all of that tonight, I'm here to keep this
short and talk about my art.
Tonight Dad asked me to
come over and help him set the 20 timers he bought for the light
display. He's overly concerned that if he shuts them off too
early, some driver-by may not see them.
When
I got over there, there was a car parked at the end of the driveway,
not allowing me in. I saw a bunch of people walking around in
the snow by the Happy Holidays sign. Once they saw that I wanted
to pull in, they backed out and let me through. Once parked,
I walked down there to see what was going on. I assumed it was
some cousins or my aunt and uncle or something, and I'd say hello.
When
I got into the house, I could see that Dad was happier than a
pig in shit. He had a grin from ear to ear. I guess the family
came up the driveway, and somehow communicated that they liked
the lights and wondered if they could take some pictures. This
part of the state is an extremely white area; for my parents
to have a family who didn't even speak English approve of their
lights will probably be the most exotic and worldly thing to
happen to them for the rest of the decade. They'll be telling
this story for years to come.
I ended up stopping at my
parents, just to see how they were doing, especially with all
of the big Christmas preparations going on. Mom tends to get
very stressed out this time of year, and rarely seems to enjoy
the process of doing anything. Everything seems like a chore
to her. She's been like that my entire life. I feel bad that
she gets so burdened by things, but I can't hold her hand, I
can't change her. Obviously, I have my own matters to take care
of. I work just as much and have to do everything myself. I don't
have a spouse around to pitch in. So at times, I have to just
let her be.
Today was Derick's birthday
party. He's going to be 4 a little later this week. I can't believe
it. I still remember the day he was born, the turning point it
was in my family's life. The turning point it was in my
life. I know I talk about this post after post it seems, but
my nephews mean the world to me. I can't imagine my life without
them. Derick came into my life at my darkest time, he was my
light. I'll never forget that.
The
Magic That Is Margarita Night
The
drawing on the left of our bartender Mary, drawn by Mark. We
hope to have Mary pose for us some Thursday night. She's such
a beautiful woman and a great person. Mary and Raphael, the other
bartender (I think he may be the owner), greet us each Thursday
night, ask us about class, etc. They always know to make it 3
margarita on the rocks right away. It's cool to feel like a regular
at this particular establishment, Escapades.
The
couple quick drawings on the right, as well as the top-most one,
are just silly little doodles that I do when a pencil and paper
is in front of me. Whether it's in a staff meeting (you should
see how elaborate some of those get!) or at Escapades, my mind
just goes on auto-pilot. My hands have to draw! It's weird
for me to see the drawings now, in the light and not in haze
of margaritas, cigarette smoke, and loud music. Usually I just
toss these drawings away, but I thought that today they might
be cool to post.
My
doodling inspired Mark to draw a quick sketch of me in my style.
When I do my quick little sketches, I really get into it. The
pencil goes whipping across the page, I get quite animated, and
somehow turn some scribbling into something a little more literal.
It was cool seeing Mark try to emulate my drawing style as well
as my physical approach to it.
That's
all for now. I have much I want to post about the art class Thursday
night and Buck night last night, but this post has gone on long
enough. I hope you enjoyed the visual tour.
When I left for work, it
seemed lighter out than the usual gray mornings that I'm used
to seeing. I know it should be getting darker out each morning
- I actually left earlier today - but the sun was beginning to
rise. A sun that I haven't seen in quite sometime.
My drive home from work
tonight took twice as long as usual due to winter weather conditions.
With all the blowing snow, ice, and dropping temperatures, there's
no denying that winter has finally decided to pay Wisconsin a
visit. But on this blizzardy winter night, as I sat here writing
Christmas cards and listened to Christmas music, I had to thank
the weather for making it feel like the holiday season. Tonight
is the first night that it actually feels right to have
my Christmas tree up.
The Inspiration
That Follows
Last
night's post was a good example. At 4:30 yesterday, I had no
idea that I'd be writing about John Lennon. I had other ideas
in mind. But then the muse for my inspiration struck, like usual,
when I least expected it. And suddenly, I had to write
about John and the Beatles. It was taunting me the entire drive
home, the entire time I made dinner. It's almost like, at times,
these posts need to be exorcised from my psyche.
Sunday
morning, again, my goal was to post my drawings and thoughts
from Thurday night's class. But after having such a great time
with my friends on Saturday night and being really touched by
some of the dialogue in the movie, the entry for Sunday morning
just kind of manifested itself to me. That post had to
be written.
Imagine
The
Tales That Really Mattered...
The
Enforcers Of Christmas