I've been running around tonight getting ready for my trip, so my mind is in a million places at once. I thought posting a doodle I did in a staff meeting today was a fitting graphic.

The main thing that's been on my mind has been all the devistation going on in New Orleans. A fellow blogger, John Strain, lives very near the war zone, as I've heard it been called. He and his family are alright, but he is now working at a hospital, trying to help out. He has an audio post on his blog from yesterday that was quite moving. He said the community is gone, completely wiped out. They'll have to build it back up from scratch. Unbelievable. It's something to hear, a first-person account like that, from a person I kind-of-sort-of know through the wonders of the blogosphere. I wish John and his family the best.

It's amazing how during this tragedy, you can really see the best and worst come out of people. It sounds like John Strain is volunteering his time, helping those who have lost everything. He's one of the good guys, blowing me away with his good intentions. Then there are the bad guys. I can't believe the fuckin' looters. What's wrong with people?

As this all goes on, we are directly affected by it at home, with gas prices going up over $0.30 over the past day. Again, unbelievable. The skeptic in me wonders if Hurricane Katrina is just a scapegoat for these inflated prices. From what I remember a few weeks before the hurricane hit, prices were rapidly climbing too. Gosh, I wonder what price point it will take for people to start car-pooling or getting rid of their gas guzzling SUVs? Here in midwest WI, were already at $3.00 a gallon. The conspirist in me wants to blame ol' GW on this one. Hmmm, our president made his riches in oil and now the oil companies are profitting....Hmmm? Of course, I have no conclusive evidence.

Fuckin' politics. Fuckin' president. Fuckin' war. Fuckin' oil companies.

I had to turn the news off last night; it seems like world is going to hell in a handbasket. Mother Nature hasn't been a happy woman the past few years. I wonder if she's thinking, "Payback time..."

On an unrelated note, the website redesign is coming along quite nicely. I updated the final two photo galleries, added my songs to the Media pages over the weekend, and have actually stayed pretty current on the journal portion of the site and have been adding snap shots every few days. I'm glad inspiration has struck!

And also, props to the people who are coming new to these pages via the Housequake, Prince discussion board. I'm glad you enjoyed my photos!

Anyway... I think that's all for tonight. My mind is all over the place and I have to get up bright and early tomorrow morning from my drive to the Twin Cities. That's all for now.

G

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A week ago Sunday, the TV series Six Feet Under had its series finale. Last night was my first Sunday night in months without Six Feet Under at my side. It struck me that there will never be a new Six Feet Under, my must-see Sunday night show, again. It's as if a good friend has passed away, only coming back to haunt me in reruns or DVD marathons. It will never be the same. I now know the fate of the clan Fischer.

The past three or four episodes have really blown me away. A few weeks ago, they killed off the main character, Nathan Fischer, without any explanation or reason. It was totally unexpected. I couldn't believe it, how could they kill off the main character?! Again, it was as if a good friend passed away, leaving me hanging with endless questions. How could they do that? It just doesn't seem fair.

The following week was Nathan's funeral. It was one of the most devastating episodes of television I've ever seen. The only thing that comes close to this is the death of Dr. Mark Green on ER a few years ago. I found myself laying awake at night, actually losing sleep because of this dark TV show. A part of me felt a deep sense of sadness surrounding me, like when a loved-one fades off into the light. I know how silly that sounds; this is only a TV show we're talking about. But man, it was so sad.

Over the past few weeks, I've been all about Six Feet Under. I found a bunch of songs that we're spotlighted on the show that now have a home on my iPod. I actually have a SFU playlist. I love it when a good drama gets under my skin like that. I was really excited for, but also kind of dreading, the finale. The promotion all season had been "Everything Ends." How were they going to do it? The show's always been very dark. What did the writers have up their sleeves? Never in a million years was I prepared for the amazing finale. It was absolutely incredible. It's been over a week now, and I still can't get it out of my head.

The final episode was wrapping up to actually having some resolve, which was quite odd for that show. All of the storylines were on their way to the dreaded "happy ending," something the cynic in me despises. I kept thinking to myself, "Come on, everything ends... How can this show that began every episode with a death, a show that was primarily about death and how people deal with it in life, be wrapped up so neatly with a pretty little bow?" And then the final five minutes kicked in.

Claire packs up to move to New York to start a career as a photographer. It was the typical sad ending of the youngest family member moving away. Cue the music: Sia - "Breathe Me." Claire drives off into her future down this long dessert road. As the song continues, we see glimpses of the main characters' lives slowly progress through time. Willa's first birthday, Keith and David's wedding; then back to Claire driving off. Cut ahead another twenty years. We see an aged Claire and David at their weak mother's side. Ruth looks out, sees her dead husband Nathan, looks over, sees her dead son Nate, then dies herself. The screen fades to white, as it did with every death on the series, and her epitaph, her birth and death date, appears.

They continue to do this with all of the main characters, every one of them.

Through minor details during this progression of time, we get a sense of how their lives continued and what happened to them through time. Brenda remarries and has another child, remaining close to the Fischers. Ted comes back for Ruth's funeral, falls back in love with Claire, and they eventually marry. We continue to see Keith's death, followed by David's, Fredrico's, and Brenda's. Cut to an old Claire, with eyes glazed over by the blindness of time. Her eyes close. We see by her epitaph that she died into her 100s. Fade to white. Then cut back to young Claire's eyes, driving off into the California dessert, with all of this future ahead of her, all of this life ahead of her. Fade to white.

My description doesn't do the finale justice. It was the most powerful five minutes of TV I've ever seen. The idea, to see all of these main characters, and how their lives end, all wrapped up into a five minute song, was astounding. The whole idea is impossible to shake from my little brain.

Imagine if you could find out how your life ended, see how your siblings and parents die... It got me to thinking that, hopefully, I have 40 or 50 or maybe even 60 years left of my life. Who will come? Who will go? There will be a time in my life, when I will have to burry my parents. My nephews will become adults. They will marry and have children of their own. I try to see my life 50 years from now, in a future I can't even begin to fathom. I wonder what joys I will obtain and what heartaches I will endure. For some reason, I keep picturing myself and my sister 50 years from now, with the red faded out of our hair, wrinkles in our faces, and a sense of weight and sadness in our eyes from a lifetime of living.

I know these are morbid, random thoughts, that's for sure. Nobody likes to think of the end. But that doesn't necessarily have to be a sad thing. When I think of a full life, of all the places and things I will do and see in another 34 years, it's mind-boggling. Where will my relationships take me? Where will my career take me? What do I have in my future? Photographer, teacher, artist, author? What roles will I take in my life? Uncle, father, husband, grandfather? What places will this heart of mine travel? Who will I become?

The day before the SFU finale, I took my nephews for the day. I took them out to lunch and then to the park where I go sailing. It's about a 30-minute drive so I cued up The Lion King Soundtrack for them to listen to. As I was driving with them, with their big smiles and red balloons in the back seat, listening to this music, it dawned on me that at one point in my life, The Lion King was all about my grandpa to me. I saw the film a few days after his death. But now, 11 years later, I was driving the two most precious people in my life around, people that Grandpa never got a chance to meet, listening to that very same music. The circle of life continues, the meaning of it keeps growing.

When SFU ended, I couldn't help but flash backward a day to myself in my car laughing with those two little boys, realizing how much a part of my life they've become. How much they will always be part of my life. They are my blood. When I flashed the story of my life in my head, and tried to forward it 50 years, they were there. It was an amazing thing, to just see where the past five years of my life have taken me, having them here to love. I can't even begin to imagine another 50.

I'm not sure if any of this really even makes sense, if any of these connections from Six Feet Under to my grandpa to taking the boys to the park all really connect. But all of these things are my life. Every beginning, every end. And before I babble on any further, I think I'm just going to leave it at that.

In Memorandum: Six Feet Under
2000 -2005

Monday's Playlist:

1. Nirvana - Nevermind

2. Desire - Piano Tribute to U2

3. U2 - Zooropa

G

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But....

Since the redesign, I've added 31 photos to the Snap Shots section. There are many great photos of friends and family within this new section. I'm so glad I added it to my site. I love this idea of a virtual photo album. For me, it's an exciting but kind of abstract concept. It's a good way to add some fun content to the site, without having to create a post with a deeper purpose or moral. Of course, when I look at all of the pictures, usually with me with arms around friends or family, there's a profound beauty to it. Last night, I was feeling a bit bummed out and lonely; I had no plans for the weekend, but was feeling too lethargic to make any either. I decided to add a bunch of photographs from last year. There's pics from my friend Jim's bachelor party out in San Diego, his wedding in Madison, my friends Dirk and Julie's wedding, Halloween, and a bunch of other fun stuff I did last year. Once I got going on it, I worked hard and early into the morning. I felt a great sense of unloneliness, if that's even a word. Shiny happy people holding hands.

On a different note (and pun intended), this morning, I'm proud to say, I finally added the music that I created in GarageBand 2 to my site. If you look in the Media section, it's all there, my album, Beta, all 11 songs in mp3 format. I'm really happy with these songs, and find myself listening to them all the time. I'd love to know what people think. It's pretty cool for me, as an artist, to find yet another way to express myself. When I got my first computer five years ago, I never thought it would become a place to hold all of my music and eventually play it all as well. It's become a real music machine, if you will. But never in a million years would I have thought it would be a machine that would allow me to create and record my own music on! How cool is that?

I love my Mac.

In honor of my site redesign, I'm posting the one of the first sketches I did for these pages. It seems quite fitting with all of this computer talk. As I get older, I'm getting more and more plugged in...and enjoying every minute of it.

That's all for now.

G

Comments

This site is slowly beginning to take shape. I'll really pumped with the new design and how well it really came together so quickly. It's awesome how the new look is really fueling some well-needed inspiration.

On a different note, last night was the series finale of Six Feet Under. The last five minutes of the show were the most powerful five minutes of TV I've ever seen in my life. There's a rebroadcast playing in about an hour. I'm planning on watching it again before I compose my thoughts on the finale, the series, and some of the issues of life and death that have been lingering in my mind since the past few episodes aired. It's not often that a TV show gets this deep under my skin. Man, it's just so good.

But that's all for now...

Monday's Playlist:

1. Cinecast #30: Revenge of the Top 5's

2. Alanis Morisette - Jagged Little Pill Acoustic

3. The Bealtes - Let It Be Naked

4. Beck - Guero

5. In The Name of Love - Artists United for Africa

6. Ebert & Ropert podcast: Biggest Disagreements

G

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It's funny how inspiration and creativity are such delicate things.

The beginning of the year, the slow computer was holding me back. It was a painstaking task to do the smallest thing with this site. In May, when the new kick-ass machine arrive, things at my job kicked into full gear. Five years of work all came to a head. It was (and is) a mind-blowing, stressful thing. Suddenly, I had the new computer at home, but was spending all of the creative energy at work.

I stopped going to my art classes. I stopped working out. I had one focus, and that was work, which, in turn became survival mode. All other things had to take the backseat. But I kept promising myself, that once I got over that hump at work, once I "launched" the big project, that I would come back to these pages with a vengeance. The first thing that had to happen was a site redesign.

There was so much I was limited to on my old system with my old software. Now on this puppy, only my knowledge is the limit. Over the next few days (weeks) the complete redesign will take place. Remnants of the old site will remain on certain pages. Now it's just a matter of a little elbow grease to convert three years worth of pages into the new design.

Much of the new site design came to me quickly. There were other aspects of this that I'd been working and contemplating on for the entire summer. Once the homepage design came to me, the rest of the design was articulated and the new look followed. Part of my idea for the launch of this site is to incorporate more media to the site, content that never really had an appropriate location before.

There are times when I don't feel like writing, but would love to post a sketch. Eventually, there will be images in the Sketch Book section. It will also be a final home for all of the artwork that shows up in my journal pages, kind of a quick glance of just the drawings, without the accommodating words.

In addition to the regular photography section of the site, I plan to post photos to the Snap Shots section of the site as well. This will be the place where just fun shots of friends and family may go, that I don't deem "artistic" enough to put with my regular photography.

You will notice I added a Media section to the site too. This page will consist of my podcasts, some music or videos that I've created that I'd like to share, and maybe even a screen desktop or two as well. I love the idea of sharing my art with people, and this would be the place to find it. This would be the "downloads page," if you will.

The idea behind these changes is to keep the site new and excited, without always feeling delegated to writing a new post. As much as I love writing in this journal, there are times when it takes a couple hours to piece together and share my thoughts. Sometimes, it's pretty easy to avoid that kind of time commitment. With these new sections, I'll be able to add content without having the focus always be the journal.

Of course, what is it they say about the best laid plans? We'll see how this all shakes out. That's all for now. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

G

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P.S. I realize that over the past few months, the journal on this site was an utter wasteland. I combined the last few months into one page, the July/June archives. Despite the lack of content, my first podcasts found a home here, which is still pretty cool. When one door opens...